Eighty Three Percent
by Lesatho
Summary: Set between ME2-ME3. With the galaxy at stake, Shepard is determined to succeed no matter what lines she may cross. But when Kaidan is tasked to bring her in to the Council they're both reminded that the more things change, the more they stay the same.
1. Chapter 1

THE NORMANDY

OMEGA NEBULA

PRE-OMEGA RELAY

Joker glanced up from the console when the small deck of well abused cards landed atop his arm rest, reaching out reflexively to keep them from tumbling into his lap. "You better hope you're wearing armor because I've got my braces and somebody is getting an ass kicking." Cards ready to be flung, he toggled the chair around, finding the hiss of hydraulics to perfectly accent his sudden irritation. Nobody bothered Joker at the helm. Nobody.

Nobody except for the Commander.

Shepard arched an eyebrow in challenge, her customary straight faced expression sliding into a smirk for a moment as he blew out a breath. "I'm armored Joker, but I don't see you kicking."

"Well Commander, I never hit a lady," Joker quipped, holding the deck out to her with a roll of his eyes.

Rather than take the cards back, Shepard stepped away and returned with a chair and a small tray she placed between them as she sat facing him. "Nobody calls me a lady." And it was true. So far as he knew, only those who had no idea who she was would dare to call her a lady and even that was slim. Her bearing was soldierly when it wasn't downright confrontational and scars decorated her face instead of makeup. The dark hair that been pulled into a knot before her "death" had been shaved down into a bristly fuzz that did nothing to soften features that nobody could really call pretty. Handsome perhaps. Certainly striking in a predatory kind of fashion. Still on the path of recovery from her release from Cerberus, her hair hadn't had the chance to grow out yet and her implant-affected scars had a mean glow to them that seemed to serve as a warning; much like the exotic coloration some species sported naturally. Even now, her features were firmly set though there was something distant in her laser-green eyes. Something thoughtful.

"I'll make sure it doesn't happen again, Commander." Still holding out the cards, he waved the deck impatiently. "I have to get back to-"

"Let EDI handle it." Again, that half smirk at his explosive exhale. "Let it handle it. You set our course already, you don't have to babysit it. So deal."

"Commander, with all due respect, I wouldn't let EDI handle my taxes so I'm not gonna sit here and deal with it because you have the sudden whim to gamble."

"Not 'deal with it' Joker, deal the damn cards. We're not gambling, we're just playing."

He waited another moment, hoping it was some sort of joke, but when she waved him impatiently onward he gave her a dramatic sigh and began shuffling them. "What are we playing? Not that it matters, without gambling it doesn't even have a point."

"Poker. Unless you aren't familiar with that game, Mr. Moreau."

Still shuffling, he scoffed laughingly. "Me. Not know poker. That's rich Commander, maybe they should start calling _you_ 'Joker'." He flipped the cards out easily, settling the deck on the tray beside them. "Two person poker. No stakes. I bet we could make this a real game with some more players though. Not EDI, that thing probably cheats with all those cameras set around here."

"Keep talking, I'm gonna clean you out. Cripple or not."

"That's a low blow. Besides, I'm not afraid of ghosts." Tucking his cards, he peered at his hand and grimaced. Inwardly of course, there was no point in broadcasting his poor hand. Shepard was eying her cards with an unreadable look. Nothing to be done about it there; poker faced was her norm. Except for a few times during his career with her, the legendary Commander Shepard was rarely rattled. He could probably count the times he'd seen her shaken on his fingers. It seemed since coming back from the dead, she had been less solid in some areas and like a titanium wall in others. When they had dragged Garrus on board near death, the stricken look that had flashed across her face as the turian vanished into the medical bay had been a rare show of humanity. But then again, she'd always cared about her crew. Cared more about her friends.

But now she sat across from him, stone faced and eyes still distant with her fingers hovering over her cards.

"So what's this all about?" Joker waved his cards.

"It helps me think. Relax a little." Playing across the cards, she arranged and rearranged, discarded and drew.

"You? Relax? Now I've heard it all." Dumping his horrible cards only yielded slightly better odds, but his hand was still off. The card gods must have been laughing.

"It's been known to happen." A few exchanges later, the cards were down. Joker groaned and retrieved the deck, shuffling automatically. She took the next round, and the next after that, though his luck did seem to be improving. Several games later she was taking heavy losses. He was ahead.

"You're distracted. Now who's winning? The recently deceased is falling behind." Joker smirked, drawing a new hand as she shot him an unreadable look. Cupping her cards close she leaned back in the chair, boot tapping against the floor. She'd been doing it on and off through the games and even though he initially thought it a tell, he had disproved the theory after a few hands. If it was a tell, it didn't relate to the game.

Lowering her cards, she lifted her fingers to her temple and rubbed a moment before letting her hand fall back to her lap. "God this is all just one big game."

"Cards usually are Commander." It didn't take an intergalactic flight genius to realize she wasn't talking about cards anymore.

"This is how it goes, you know. Start out strong..." Pausing as she shifted forward, she discarded and drew, settling back into the chair with a sigh. "And then you get knocked down. Akuze. Eden Prime. Citadel. Virmire. Sovereign. And now, damned Cerberus." He could see where this was going.

Gauging her with the same swift expertise he handled the Normandy, he fixed his eyes on the Commander and folded his arms over his chest. It all fell into place and he could have shaken his head for not seeing it sooner. "Its funny who you meet on a mission, huh? Horizon was hard." She jerked as if she'd taken a blow, setting the cards face down with a sharp snap and looking at up him with an expression like he'd just slapped her across the face and kicked her puppy for good measure. And he'd be damned if it didn't surprise him. The reaction was sharp, the misery that flashed across her face like lightning as her shoulders came up with quick tension. "Damn, Commander."

"When did you turn into a damned armchair psychologist?" She snapped, retrieving her cards in an attempt to recover her usual composure though he could still see the surprise. It almost amazed him that she couldn't see it herself, as sharp as she usually was.

Everybody here was still new enough to the crew though, maybe they didn't see it like he did. Garrus might have seen it but the turian wasn't the type to go sticking his face into other people's business. Not when he was bogged down with his own issues. Doc Chakwas surely could, there was always some strange sort of female intuition around the matronly medic. "Well Shephard I'm an armchair kind of guy."

Setting her cards face down with a sigh, she looked up and scanned the helm of the ship, confirming that it was only Joker, EDI and her within earshot of the impromptu card game. Eyebrows drawing together at her seeming secrecy, Joker set his own cards down. "Commander?"

"Are we traitors?" And there it was. The weight that she had been trudging around with lately. Suddenly her distraction became clearer. Since Horizon she had been distant and moody, not as sharp on the draw or as quick to direct the crew as she always had been. Even though the Commander had been taciturn since her surprising return from the dead, she had been even more moody since the attempt to stop the Collectors on the colony planet.

Joker had been mildly surprised at how dismissive she had seemed about her run in with Kaidan, especially considering the two had gotten incredibly close over the course of tracking Saren. Not that either would have said, but he wasn't blind. He'd known Shepard almost as long as he had known Alenko, so there was no missing the way they'd started acting around one another. After they lost Shepard, Kaidan had come apart at the seams almost overnight and the rest of the crew had floundered. Hell, everything had changed. But now he was beginning to think that he didn't know her as well as he thought. If Horizon had been eating at her for so long he should have noticed. Should have anticipated it. Joker was observant even if he wasn't a 'people person' for crying out loud.

Breathing out a sigh, he reached up and twitched the brim of his cap then leaned back into his chair to meet her oddly uncertain eyes with a level stare. "Commander, let me lay the hard truth on you." Taking a moment to gather his thought, he turned to EDI's station. "None of this goes into any logs."

=It will be logged Mr. Moreau. Unless the logs pertain to security or crew safety though, they shall remain locked.=

"Yeah, they better." He grumbled, turning back to Shepard. "I know this sounds weird, but even though its impossible to forget that you were gone, sometimes its also hard to remember you weren't there. That you didn't see all the damned changes. We're not traitors Shepard. They let us down."

She shifted slightly into what he knew was her "listening" mode, body leaned forward and forearms braced against her thighs as she watched him, green eyes burning into his. That gaze was incredibly unsettling at times; the bio-synthetic implants they'd used to put her back together had given her eyes a none-too-subtle glow.

Shaking it off, he drew a breath and smirked. "I know Jacob filled you in a little already, about how things fell apart. Garrus must have told you too. He knew better than anybody after all. But here's the thing: nothing changed when Sovereign went down. The old council was wiped out, but the new council just kept sitting there on their asses. Anderson tried, but they started backsliding." Waving a hand irritably, he grit his teeth a moment. "They denied everything. Saren was just a rogue Spectre and Sovereign was just his damn ship and the geth were following him for the hell of it. By official reports, the Normandy had a malfunction and most the crew were lost to 'training accidents'."

Shepard's eyes narrowed somewhat. He nodded, smirk twisting into a scowl.

"Commander, they never even let the public know that you were dead. They didn't honor your memory, they used you as a figurehead for the Alliance and touted you as a perfect soldier even as they pulled your work apart and swept it all under the biggest damned rug you've ever seen. What we did went untold."

Even though Jacob had told her that to a degree, having Joker confirm it soured her stomach. "Oh, I'm not done yet. That just the tip of the iceberg Shepard." Turning to check the charts and flight instruments for a heartbeat, he let her have a moment to swallow it all. "And then there was your crew. Everybody that survived was shuffled around and told that they couldn't breath a word of what happened because it was classified now. It made all of us sick. Word got around anyway, there were a lot of dissenters and people left the Alliance because of the cover up. Even more signed up though because they used you for recruiting. They split us all apart, and the aliens went their own ways. Garrus left C-Sec even though they begged to have him back after what happened with Saren. Tali, Wrex, even Liara went their own ways. They promoted Alenko, probably to keep him quiet, and shuffled him off to one classified mission after another without even giving the guy a chance to come to grips with the way things were. Are." Drawing a breath in through his nose, he gave her a hard look. "They grounded me Shepard. The best damned pilot they have and they threw me away. So you're damned right I left."

For a long moment, she was quiet. Almost awkwardly so. Though her eyes will still fixed on him, there was a distance to them that said she didn't see him at all. Which was fine, it gave him a moment to push the anger and betrayal back down. "We didn't betray them Shepard. They betrayed us. Why else would we be here unless Cerberus had a plan? They believed every word of what the Alliance claimed were wild rumors and _your_ overactive imagination. And they want it stopped in a way the Council doesn't."

"How could so much have changed in... in two years?" She still stumbled over the fluctuation of time, to Alex Shepard it was like the world had left her behind. To her, what only seemed like weeks had passed while everybody else hit faster-than-light and was waiting around some some curve she couldn't quite navigate yet. "Is the Alliance wrong now? And Cerberus is... what? Our _savior_?" Lip curling on the last word, her distaste at the thought was clear. Joker could understand. Shepard's parents had been soldiers, she'd grown up among them, become one and fought her hardest only to find the system dragged its ass. And now it had betrayed her and those she had fought for. Cerberus had been the enemy back then and they had cost her a lot in the past. Akuze had been their work. ExoGeni had been their front. She was right to be concerned, but they all were on one level or another.

"I still don't trust them. All that shit they pulled, all of those twisted experiments. But they're the ones saying the same things that we did. So we stick and we get this problem taken care of. Then who knows." Joker lifted his shoulders in a stiff shrug and pulled the bill of his hat down lower.

"Who knows." Shepard agreed listlessly and settled back into the chair to digest it all. It wasn't going down easy though.

Touching in on the real subject, Joker tipped his head back to meet her eyes beneath his cap."Look, Commander. Kaidan was an ass for saying what he did, but he could never give it up. Not like us. We saw what the Council and the Alliance were doing to us. He couldn't. To him, it was just the last thing he had left and he wouldn't leave it." There had been harsh words between them several times. Joker had been furious to be grounded, but Kaidan wouldn't or couldn't stand up for him, instead following the finger that Anderson pointed to the next target. Like some wind-up biotic running on steam rather than his own drive. "We never knew it until it was too late, but you held the crew together. Maybe you held more than just us together and when you died, it all went with you. I won't lie, I was shocked as hell to see you even though they warned me. Kaidan loved you, it was probably like a kick in the balls."

Shepard closed her eyes at that and if anything it seemed that her shoulders bowed under some new weight he didn't understand. He'd only talked to her about it all because he thought it would help, damnit. Gathering her feet beneath her, she stood and looked over her shoulder toward the galactic map and the elevator beyond it. "Thanks Joker. That's a bit better."

"If you say so, Commander."

"I understand things a little better now. I just need to think it all over." Gathering her deck, she jammed them into the formal looking uniform she'd taken to wearing around the ship. She seemed to chafe in it, but refused to wear the more casual uniforms with the Cerberus logo on them. "Give me time."

"I hate to break it to you Commander, but time is the one thing we've never had enough of and I don't think that's gonna change." Joker watched as she nodded, picking up the small table and chair and putting them back into the nearly hidden storage bin near the wall joints.

"Then we'll just have to make do with what we have." Surveying the helm for a moment, the Commander nodded faintly and skimmed her fingers over the fuzz that topped her skull.

"That's nothing new, now is it?"

Shepard remained silent with the eerie glow of her eyes on him for a long, considering moment that made him want to squirm. Not that he would. "No, I guess it really isn't. Thanks Joker." She half turned to leave before halting, eyes scanning the console before finding his. "For being here. For having my back." With no real way to answer that, he flipped a hand at her dismissively.

"Where else would I be?"

Again she hung back, this time stabbing a finger at EDI's glowing, blue orb. "EDI, keep those logs secured."

=Of course, Commander.=

"Get some rest Joker. Nothing's getting easier these days and I want you sharp."

He waited until she walked away before turning the chair back to the console, checking and rechecking the routes he'd input before she had interrupted him. Everything was still straight and proper but he hated leaving the console untended. "I'll rest when I die. Not that it seemed to do her any good."

* * *

><p>AN: I've had this idea floating around inside my skull and since I started replaying some ME lately in an attempt to get myself geared and pumped for ME3 (Yes I know it's still months away, leave me be .) I decided this really needed to be finished. Hopefully slapping it up here where other people can mull over it will give me some much needed encouragement to finish it.<p> 


	2. Chapter 2

THE NORMANDY

OUTLAYING TERMINUS SPACE

POST OMEGA-4 TRAVERSE

She'd been dreaming of explosions.

Shepard kicked the blankets away and stared at the ceiling, resting a palm over her heart to feel it gallop in her chest; it beat so hard it seemed to be threatening to explode. Pale green eyes tracked along the wall to the curve where the jointing had been ripped away by Collector sentry drones to expose the star scattered darkness outside the ship, distorted only by the thin layer of shielding. The _Normandy_ had taken a beating when they assaulted the Collector base. They were lucky to have been able to fly away from what they all had assumed would be a suicide mission.

Levering herself slowly upward, she swung her legs over the bed and planted her feet firmly against the cool flooring of her cabin. The dream was starting to fade and her heartbeat was slowing down to a normal pace, leaving a dull adrenaline ache radiating through her chest as she drew in a deep breath. She had woken up that way a few times now, usually after exhausting hours spent trying to repair damage to the ship and prepare for whatever came next. Each time, whatever dream she was in the middle of would disintegrate into a sunburst of heat and hard color that swept everything away as it took control of her sleeping mind. The clock at her bedside showed her the depressing truth that, like the nights before, she had only netted a few hours of sleep before being jarred awake.

Alex Shepard dragged her hands across her face, letting her head bow to skim her fingernails through the short bristling of hair across her scalp and to the back of her neck. Tense muscles bunched beneath her fingers as she tried to massage out the knots her nightmare had put into her shoulders. Knowing it be a useless attempt, she blew out a breath and got to her feet. Somewhere between her bed and door, she pulled on the somewhat rumpled uniform she'd taken to wearing around the ship, the hardsuit and armor a distant and somewhat distasteful thought at the moment. Her avoidance of the Cerberus uniforms and the silent refusal to wear anything bearing their insignia had remained a quiet yet firm signal; she was not, nor ever would be, part of the organization. They had given her a second chance and she had done the same. The Illusive Man was in possession of the copied schematics and the Collector Base itself, her own copy and a slew of data concerning the Reapers was safely in her personal unit. With her assembled crew in her corner, she felt... not quite optimistic, but able. Debt repaid. Not that she believed it was over with Cerberus. Far from it.

The elevator ride to the CIC was a short one, and even knowing that she looked like hell warmed over she stepped into the quiet bridge, drifting toward the galactic map as it flared up in a spiraling lake of stars. Ever since escaping the Collector Base the ship had been quiet. Subdued. Even victorious, the crew was changed by their experience at the hands of the Collectors, watching fellow humans processed. Colonists and the other unfortunates melted down in front of their eyes, probably wondering when it would come for them. When that screaming, horrific end would find them...

Squeezing her eyes closed, the shook her head to clear the thought and strode toward the bridge, her eyes level and shoulders straight even if she felt off balance. "Joker."

"Commander." Turning the chair to face her, Joker gave her a grimacing once over and shook his head. "You should go back to bed. I don't think you hit the beauty sleep stage yet."

"I still look better than you." Casting him a ragged grin, she glanced over his shoulder at the flight instruments. "How far out are we?" All business once more, Joker spun back to the console and brought up a series of displays with surprising efficiency and only a small hitch in his movements.

"Well Commander, we're still around four days out. Five tops." Frowning to himself, he reached up to tug irritably at the bill of his cap. "There was some major drift going through the Omega-4 relay due to systems damage. But hey, at least we made it through. The _Normady_ took a beating, so we can't exactly hop to FTL again in the shape we're in. Unless you feel good about taking a risk knowing some vital parts might stay behind when we jump." Joker shrugged but she could see the tension in his shoulders as well. They'd all taken a beating when they struck ground, and she'd been impressed when Joker had come blazing to their rescue; broken ribs ignored in the call of duty. He'd been one of the first treated for injuries after a quick triage when they got back aboard because even though she was beginning to warm up to EDI, Joker was the person she trusted most behind the controls.

"That's not too bad, all things considered." Stepping back away from the controls, she rolled her shoulders and stretched; pulling at stiff and battered muscles. "That should give everybody a little down time, and when we get to Omega I think some shore leave is in order."

"You got it Commander." Rather than go immediately back to his work, he turned in his chair to look her in the eyes. "Personally, I think you should spend the next four or five days asleep. But since we both know that's not going to happen, you should at least go talk to the Doc." Shepard considered it a moment before shaking her head.

"I just haven't been sleeping solid, that's all." Eager to swap topics, she poked his shoulder with a short jab. "How are you holding up? Should you be out here so soon?"

"Hey, hands off. You break it, you buy it. And yes, I'm sure I should be up here so soon. Doc Chakwas fit me up with the synthetic brace bands." Lips twisting into a wry smile, he tapped a finger against his side and the stiff polycarbon bands cinched around his chest beneath the layers of his uniform. "I'll be in one piece again in no time. And if its alright with you, I think I'll stay that way."

"That's just fine by me." Shepard nodded, giving him a parting pat on the shoulder as he turned back to the flight controls and she made her way back down the corridor toward the central command console.

She fully intended to talk to Doctor Chakwas, though not about the topics Joker had likely been hinting at; her psychological problems and bad dreams were her own business until she could sort them through a bit better. There were still a few things rattling around in her head that she needed to pin down before she went to visit the older medic. No doubt the woman still needed her own chance to get herself back into top shape. Her experience in the Collector base had been a horrifying one, and even though she had a solid backbone and a spotless service record, Shepard knew the Doc was a sensitive soul. Seeing the crew attacked on the _Normandy_, what they had all perceived as a safe zone, and then subjected to watching innocent colonists face a final grisly end had affected her. They were all too strong or too stubborn to admit it out loud, but each crewman and each member of her specialized team was in their own recovery stage.

Stepping behind her personal terminal, Shepard grimaced and brought up her mailbox. For once, it contained no new messages. She briefly wondered if it was because everybody thought was truly dead and gone this time. She'd made no secret of her intentions to Anderson when she had made a final stop at the Citadel, attempting to wheedle a meeting with the new Council one last time before they hit the Omega-4 relay. She'd had no luck of course. The new Council was a bit leery of meeting the soldier who had let the last Council die in pursuit of a more important target. Despite their history, she'd railed at Anderson. It had been incredibly awkward and he'd seemed as surprised as she was at her sudden screaming fit. Shouting, yelling, threatening and even begging in the end had gotten her nowhere. Her service in the past meant nothing so long as the _Normandy_ bore Cerberus' logo on it's hull. In the end, she'd told him she was going to try and buy them all more time, and hopefully they could pull their heads out of their collective asses and make good use of the breathing room bought with their blood, sweat and tears. Possibly their lives.

Typing out a quick message of success and survival, minus any half-hearted apology she could have made for her behavior, she shot it off to the Citadel and stared at the screen long after the 'Sent' message had flashed across the screen. Fingers quick on the key, she had the screen pulsing once more into life as she brought up the data they had recovered from the Collector Base, scrolling through it with a careful eye as she'd done countless times since things had calmed. There was nothing that jumped immediately to her attention. And besides, better minds than hers were working toward a solution; it was nearly impossible to peel Mordin away from his work.

Blowing out a breath, she brought up the list of upgrades that had been made to the weapon system and ship prior to their suicide run, skimming the reports until she found the smaller grouping of procedures she had set aside before. The _Normandy_ had left a string of depleted planets in her wake as Shepard had searched through the systems, dredging up every bit of mineral that popped on the scanner with the intent of providing her team every small advantage they could get their hands on. Back then it had been an attempt to get them all geared and armored just enough to survive the encounter and bring the Collectors down with them when they fell. Who knew her almost obsessive drive for firepower and protection would be what got them out alive and more or less intact.

Still, there was a small subfolder she had dedicated to things that seemed too risky, even in the face of death-by-Collector. But now that they had breathing room, perhaps it was time to take them into better account after all. Transferring the subfolder to her data pad, she tucked it under an arm and hit the elevator. So long as she was awake, she needed to refuel.

* * *

><p>"You're up awfully early, Commander." Alex twisted around, head tilting as Kelly came up around her, a cup of steaming coffee clutched between her slender hands. Sliding into the chair opposite the table of Shepard, she gave her a wan smile.<p>

"Pot calling the kettle black." Alex shifted slightly, flicking the screen of the data pad in front of her until it exited the subfolder she'd been studying and went into standby mode. Though Kelly noted the action, she was too polite to pry. Or too tired. There were dark circles underneath the pretty psychiatrist's eyes. "Still not getting a lot of sleep?"

"No." Lifting the cup to take a sip, Kelly studied Shepard over the rim of the cup for a long moment before setting it back down. "I'm sure things will settle. We're all experiencing varying degrees of battle stress and psychological trauma from what happened there in the Base. It was a hopeless situation. Most of us are used to having control. So having it taken away like that..." Letting out a short laugh, she shook her head. "But listen to me. I'm just trying to justify things. As long as I tell myself this is all textbook, I feel better. We'll all be alright. What about you Commander?"

Though she had come a long way from her initial dislike of the Yeoman, Shepard had never really sat and spoken with her. Being part of Cerberus hadn't earned her any good standing when they first met, her further assignment of being a judge of their mental states had only soured that further. Things had changed though. With everything settling in on her, it might be a good chance to let the woman inside her head for once. "There are these weird dreams." Kelly blinked in momentary surprise as Shepard chose her words. "I can't remember what the dream starts out as, but it always ends with an explosion."

"What kind of explosion? Like the first _Normandy_?"

"No. Something bigger. Worse. I know I have a habit of blowing things to hell when the option presents itself, but it's like nothing I've seen before." Frowning at the tabletop, Alex paused. No... that wasn't right. She had seen it before. The where, why and when escaped her but she was almost sure she'd seen it before. Maybe from the Prothean Relic. Lord knew she was still trying to sort those strange visions out when the opportunity for quiet reflection presented itself: it didn't happen often. "Maybe I have seen it, I'm just not sure what it could mean." Smirking, she looked back up to meet Kelly's eyes, the other woman watching her intently. "It's like deja vu. Or sleepwalking."

Brows drawing inward in a puzzled expression, Kelly shook her head. "I don't understand."

"That's just the point." Shepard lifted her shoulders in a clipped shrug. "Neither do I." They sat in silence for a while, Kelly sipping her drink and Shepard staring awkwardly at the datapad resting beneath her palm. She had been on the cusp of a decision before being interrupted. Now that she had a moment to separate herself from the prototype information she had been scouring through, perhaps waiting and thinking things through was a better idea. "Excuse me Kelly. I'm going to try and get some more sleep."

"Of course Commander. If you need to talk more, just let me know."

"Actually..." Shepard turned back toward the table. "There is something I want you to do for me. The crew, those of you that were taken, are having a hard time coping. I know it, they know it, you know it. I want you to come up with a counseling rotation and work in a chance to see everybody, whether they want to talk about it or not."

"Good plan. I already talked to quite a few people. Its a problem, but its one that we can overcome. Don't worry Shepard, we'll all recover and we'll all be there for you." Casting a brief smile over her shoulder, the Yeoman returned to her drink and Shepard took advantage of the moment to leave.

They would recover. And they would be there for her and rest of the team, to give the final push they needed into the coming Reaper forces. It was going to take a lot of preparation, a lot of firepower and a lot of skill. Luck couldn't hurt any either. The elevator doors hissed open and Shepard leaned against the interior wall as it rose smoothly to the Captain's Cabin. The crew would stay on because they supported her. Cerberus' dogs at the start, but now they followed her.

Fingernails raking along her scalp again, she crossed the threshold into her room and set the datapad atop the counter. Her team was counting on her for leadership, the crew was counting on her for victory and guidance. Shepard wasn't sure when she had become the "last hope" of the galaxy but it had tiptoed up behind her, that was for sure. Enough had been riding on her shoulders that Cerberus thought it a good idea to bring her back from the dead, and wasn't _that_ something else. Leaving the datapad and her troubles where they sat, she crossed the room and threw herself back onto the bad, twisting onto her back so she could stare through the torn hull and watch the stars spin past. And think.

"Joker, what's our status?"

"We're just about a solid seventy-eight hours out now." Bringing up the trajectory plans with light fingers, he leaned back in the chair and gestured to the screen. "Few more days, we'll be sitting pretty in Omega. As pretty as things get down there, which is still ugly by normal standards. Need anything else?"

"No. I'm going to be under wraps for the next few days, so just keep us straight."

"Under wraps? What, do we have a spa on board that I haven't heard about? Women." Shooting her an amused look over his shoulder, he gave her a quick smile. "Is that whats in the women's restroom on the crew level? Seaweed wraps and mud baths?"

"Don't forget the half dressed masseuses with their rippling muscles. You know what to do." Taking a last look at the console, she made her way back to the command console. "Yeoman Chambers." Kelly looked up sharply at the somewhat more formal address.

"Commander?"

"I'm going to be down in the medical bay for the next few days. I don't want to be interrupted, even for important calls. If the Illusive Man needs me, reroute him to Miranda. Maintain the counseling you've been doing and when we get to Omega I'll need a full report from you before I start granting shore leave."

Turning to her own console, Kelly typed down the information with a quick flurry of keystrokes, nodding her head lightly. "Alright Commander, got it. I'm glad to see you're going to get some rest. You've really been looking a bit troubled lately."

"Yeah." She nodded, lips twisting into a wry smirk. "You do pay attention. As you were."

Stepping into the elevator, Shepard took a look at the bridge and the repairs still being carried out. Time was wasting and who knew how long their breathing room would last. A few people were gathered around the mess tables when she rounded the corner to the Medical Bay, crewmen on breaks or off shift were gathered around and either talking or eating, displaying a renewed sense of liveliness that she hadn't seen since they had escaped the Base. Part of her had been worried that the sense of ease and camaraderie had been lost. Smiling faintly, she stepped into the Medical Bay and was relieved to find Doctor Chakwas in her customary spot at her desk.

"Well, Commander. Its good to see you." Smile creasing her features, the doctor turned at her desk and leaned into her chair. "I was wondering when you might stop down and see how things were coming along."

"Everybody seems to be doing well. Better anyway. As much as I wish I was here for pleasantries though... I need you to do something for me." Alex slid the pad across the desk, Doctor Chakwas reached out to stop it before it launched off the edge. Lifting it before her, the Doctor studied it, the faint crease in her forehead deepening as she skimmed the data.

"Commander... I don't think you quite understand what all of this would mean." When she raised her eyes to meet Alex's, the Doctor couldn't help the rush of uneasiness. The Commander's pale eyes were sharp, unyielding.

"It has to be done." Stepping over to the communications system, she called up EDI. "Tell Professor Solus to set aside whatever he's working on and come speak with Doctor Chakwas and myself in the Medical Bay. If he drags feet, make sure he knows its not a request, but an order."

=Right away Commander Shepard,= EDI's harmonic voice intoned, blue orb flashing upon the small pedestal as she relayed the massage. =Professor Solus will be here momentarily.=

"Shepard... Alex. I really don't think this is a good idea."

Drawing in a breath, Alex lowered herself to the chair across the station from the Doctor, leaning forward with elbows braced against her thighs. "It's not the best idea, but it is the best I've got. I think that if you take a minute to think it over, you'll understand that it's doable. I have to make sure that we win against the Reapers, and this will help."

Doubt clear on her face, the Doctor waited for Mordin to arrive, the salarian sweeping into the room with a frown. "Do not appreciate the interruption. Very busy with Collector data."

Taking the pad from Chakwas, Shepard handed it to the specialist and watched his features modulate through a similar series of skepticism and doubt that the Doctor's had. "Have doubts about this. Very dangerous, you understand? Risky. Very risky to implement this all at once."

"I understand the inherent risks. Something like this is going to take time, but we're still at least three days out from Omega. That's enough time to implant all of the prototype procedures before we dock." Gesturing to the datapad with a quick flick of her wrist, Shepard took a moment to meet the eyes of the only people in the galaxy she trusted to do this sort of thing. "Don't think I'm taking this lightly. It _has_ to be done."

Shaking her head, Chakwas rose to her feet. "Even if we accomplish all of this, the recovery period-"

"Will be negligible, if you review the data pertaining to the shunts and latticework. If I have to, I can make this a direct order. I would prefer to have the support of both of you on this, but I've made up my mind." Jaw working for a moment, Shepard let out a somewhat uncertain breath. "I still need to speak to Kasumi about a few things before I'm ready to start. So... take the time you need to review the procedures and gather the necessary equipment. I'll be back in two hours."

Leaving the two of them with baffled, troubled faces, Shepard left the Medical Bay as abruptly as she'd gone in, splitting off toward Kasumi's hidey hole and leaving the worry behind her. Not just the worry of the doctor and scientist, but her own as well. Long shot, but it needed to be done. It needed to work.

"Kasumi." Doorway opening into the view of the galaxy zipping by, Shepard glanced at the master thief sprawled across the couch as she entered. "I need to talk to you."

"If anybody said that I stole something from them," Kasumi began, getting to her feet in an enviably smooth motion. "They're probably telling the truth. I can hardly help myself... and I don't plan to keep anything. Crew members are more than welcome to come to me if they have complaints of missing items." Lips curving into a smile beneath the shadows of her hood, the thief spread her arms wide and lifted her shoulders coyly. "I'll be happy to return them."

"Not... quite what I came here about." Head tilting, Shepard rubbed at the bridge of her nose. "You're stealing... why?"

"Kleptomaniac." Kasumi shrugged. "It's not a habit. It's a compulsion. But if that's not what you came here about, what can I do for you Shep?"

Walking to the small bar set to the side of the room, Shepard poured herself a drink, staring at it for a long moment before gathering her thoughts around her. Necessity. Even though the colorful liquid in the glass would do her good on the level of comfort, it was a bad idea. Setting the glass back down, she turned her back on it and the bar. "When we went to Hock's place and recovered the greybox, you explained a little bit of what they did to me. I want to know more. How they work, how it can be accessed and encoded. Everything."

It was difficult to tell Kasumi's facial expressions with her hood casting most her face in shadow, but her body language betrayed a sudden surprise that shifted into a guarded stance, arms crossed over her chest as she leaned back against the edge of the couch, dainty body maneuvering to sit on the edge. "I only gave you a brief overview because... you should know all this Shepard." Shepard tensed, the feeling of Kasumi's eyes on her suddenly crawling up her spine.

"Kasumi... why should I know?" Oh, she had an idea though. It made her skin crawl, the bristling of hair at the back of her neck itching in it's desire to stand on end.

Shaking her head, the thief slowly lowered herself down to the cushions of the couch. "You already know." A gloved hand patted the cushions beside her, a clear invitation to sit. "You already have a greybox."

"Cerberus." Alex nearly sighed. Nearly. She'd had enough dealing with Cerberus that she shouldn't have been surprised anymore, but there it was.

"Nobody else could have. One of their 'upgrades' I assume." Patting the cushions again, Kasumi gave her head a slight shake. "Well, come on over here. I'll get you up to speed. We'll need to break whatever encoding they have on your memories and re-encrypt them to what you want."

Pushing down the sick feeling in her gut, she wondered briefly what they'd seen. What memories they'd pored over as they ripped them from her head. The confusion of re-adapting to a world that had jumped forward two years; leaving her behind. The rush of surprised pleasure when the tenacious vigilante Archangel had turned out to be one of the people she trusted most in the galaxy. Did they know how it tore at her when Kaidan had turned his back on her at Horizon? Or the crippling fear she'd felt standing on Tuchanka while a Thresher Maw bore down on them? "Bastards." Crossing the space, she rubbed ruthlessly at her temples. "This saves me the trouble of installing one myself, but damnit... how could I not know? What could they have taken from me?"

There was anger in Kasumi's voice. "I don't know Shepard. But we're going to fix it now before they can take any more. Now, think them their last nice, happy thought and let's get them out of your head."

* * *

><p>Miranda barely looked up when the door whispered open, so used to the Commander's interruptions it wasn't worth getting frazzled anymore. They had become less frequent since the Collector's, but the woman had an interesting leadership style and a habit of getting beneath your armor to find what made you tick. Miranda had become fairly certain she knew what made Shepard tick though, so when she slammed her fist down on the edge of her desk, the Cerberus operative jumped in surprise.<p>

"Commander-"

"Did you ever plan on telling me?" There was fire in her eyes, brows drawn angrily low.

Confusion flashed across Miranda's perfect features as she pushed slowly back from her desk, hand lifting to casually push her hair back over a shoulder. "Tell you what, Shepard? I'm not sure what you possibly have to be angry about. We're on top right now."

She watched the fascinating process as the Commander visibly regained some of her composure, the small line of implants visible in the fissured cracks of her skin glaring an angry red for a moment before Alex clamped down on her runaway rage. Eyes closed for a moment, Shepard carefully lowered herself into the chair, fingers unwinding to settle on the arms; knuckles red and white from the blow and her tense posture. When she opened her eyes again, there was a caustic glow behind them from the implants for a moment before that too faded out. "The Greybox Miranda."

Eyes widening in a mute expression of shock, the operative leaned back in her chair as her posture bowed. Shoulders hunched slightly, her eyes went to her hands clasped together in her lap. "I can explain that."

"I want you to explain why you never mentioned it. That's what I want. My thoughts, my memories, don't belong to anybody but me!"

"Look, Shepard..." Drawing in a breath, she shook her head slightly and lifted her glance to meet the Commander's angry stare. "You have every right to be upset with me." One hand reached out, tripping the switch to the door and closing it behind them for a measure of privacy. "The greybox was my idea. One I never had clearance for but I felt was an important step. I was wrong but back then..." She paused, searching for the right way to put it into words. "Shepard, you weren't a person to me then. You were a project."

The insult that flashed across the Commander's face was quick, but not quick enough to dismiss. "You were perfectly clear about your dislike of me in the beginning."

"I'm trying to be honest with you Shepard. Please, let me explain and I'll tell you everything." Leaning back, she crossed her legs, resting a hand atop her thigh in what Shepard recognized as a position Miranda often assumed when she was in thought, looking for more control. A tell to her inner unease.

"I'm listening."

"You're already aware that I wanted them to install a control chip as a fail safe. When they refused, I was certain it was a mistake. That you couldn't do what was expected of you. Without approval, I greyboxed you." The brunette dragged her fingers through her hair and sighed. "I feel rotten about it now. But at the time I felt it was important. I didn't think that you would survive and I wanted a fail safe. Call me pessimistic if you will, but I didn't think any one person would be up to this task." She shrugged. "How wrong I was. Regardless, the greybox was my own personal measure, so the progress we made with you wouldn't be lost."

"And exactly how would having me greyboxed serve as a fail safe? You're still holding out on me."

"None of this is easy to admit when you've become a person, Shepard. When you're not my greatest work anymore, but just... you." Waiting a moment for another outburst on the Commander's part, Miranda arched a brow at the go-ahead wave of the other woman's hand and sighed. "I expected you to fail. And when you did, we had no plans to rebuild you again. Still, I assumed it would be easy enough to clone you if necessary. And the greybox would make sure that we could make you... you. Run the greybox during the growing process and make sure the clone had all the necessary upgrades for success this time and hopefully it would be like the project, like Cerberus, never lost you."

Shepard was quiet for a long moment, hands white knuckled in her lap. Meeting Miranda's gaze beneath the disapproving arch of her eyebrows, Alex grit her jaw a moment. "And that is why I will never work with Cerberus. Who has access to my greybox?"

"Just me. I told you, it was an unauthorized addition." Her smile was bitter. "My own personal reassurance. Relax, I've never looked at your memories, or dug into your mind. Give me some credit, Shepard."

"No, you just planned to when I died."

"My_ job_ was usually what came first. Lazarus was my project. My life for those two years. It killed me to think that you might fail and drag me down with you." Leaning back into the desk, Miranda planted her forearms on the edge, looking over the small display at the woman seated across from her. "Shepard, you've become a friend to me. You proved your loyalty to this entire crew. I'll do the same however I can." A prolonged moment at her console was all it took, the OSD flashing from the drive and into her waiting fingers. Shepard accepted it with a grim look of disapproval. "That's everything. Very little of it, really."

"It's still my life."

"Only since we revived you, and very little has happened that hasn't already made the rounds of the gossip-mongers." Miranda gestured for Shepard to step around and she did, watching critically as the operative deleted any and all trace of the data. Scrubbed the drive clean where her information had once lingered until the only copy was the one in her hands. "I'm sorry, Shepard. I hope you can believe me. And trust me."

Turning the OSD in her hands, Shepard rolled her shoulders in a stiff shrug. "I can't say I'm happy with you right now, but give it time." Lifting a finger, she tapped it against the side of her head. "Besides, I've already fixed it so you can't get back in. So nobody can, but me." Tucking the OSD into her pocket, the Commander shrugged and gestured to the door. "If you don't mind, I have an appointment with Doctor Chakwas to keep."

* * *

><p>AN: If you like, leave a comment? I am a comment whoooooore in need of some love and encouragement. Also, critique if you feel up to it because I know I'm a bit of a mediocre writer and am always looking to improve. Hell, if anybody wants to beta me, that works too!<p> 


	3. Chapter 3

CITADEL

SERPENT NEBULA

Pulling at the restrictive shirt collar that snugged up beneath his throat, Councilor Anderson crossed the threshold into his own office chambers with a feeling of relief and threw himself down into the chair behind his desk with a groan. So far humanity wasn't making much headway, even if they did have him on the council. He was dead tired of whatever he said being discounted because of his past association with Shepard and his determination not to let her death amount to nothing. Possessing a background profession as a solider rather than a life long politician wasn't doing him any favors either.

In the end, he had failed as they'd taken her efforts apart, turning her into a figurehead in one hand and a lunatic in the other. She was briefly the Hero of the Galaxy. The ridicule was longer lasting. And then her death had proved to be less permanent than it should have been and she'd come back angry. Not that he could blame her. Two years had changed the perspective of a Galaxy for the worst and by all appearances, she'd thrown in with Cerberus. Pro-Human terrorists, the lot of them. But she always did things her way. In the end, she'd refused reinstatement into the Spectres with a "whats the use" glare and an upturned middle finger to the entire system.

Their last encounter ran briefly through his mind. Shepard yelling that he was the traitor, not her, and the reason she had put him in a position of power in the first place was so that he would keep things like that from happening. He'd yelled right back at her, the culminating battle of wills had been ugly. But neither of them had taken back a word they'd said and she'd left with the same sort of stiff-shouldered sense of duty that he'd always admired in her... and worried about at the same time.

That had been three weeks ago, when she'd slapped him in the face with her declaration to go through the Omega-4 Relay. Shortly after, his inquiries to various contacts across the galaxy had turned up that the _Normandy_ hadn't been spotted around the usual haunts for some time and so he'd assumed she'd done what she set out to do, no matter the cost.

"Sir." Anderson looked up at his aide as the young woman entered the room; professional from her stylishly upswept hair to the toes of her icepick heels, her warm smile and straight spine. He'd handpicked her against Udina's wishes, brushing the other man's concerns and complaints aside. Though she hardly looked the part, Victoria was a level N5 operative. There was little sense in taking chances when many of the other alien races quietly deemed humanity a threat. Some did it not-so-quietly, citing the destruction of the _Destiny Ascension_ as proof or malice. "I have the new memorandums for you, a few petitions for you to review and sign and a message you'll be very interested in seeing." Setting a pair of datapads atop his desk, she handed him the topmost and his eyebrows arched at the message sitting in his private mailbox.

"Sir, that message was sent over a week ago but just hit the extranet signals and made it to your box. The file attached to it is... massive. The encryption on it was heavy." Victoria leveled a blue-eyed stare at him. "You might want to keep the attached information to yourself for the moment until we can think up a solid strategy for presenting it to the Council. Or for making it public."

Standing, Anderson wandered to the balcony as he reviewed the message. A reassuring proof of survival disguised in a short, sweet and to the point I-told-you-so without a hint of apology. Shepard to the core. The woman was creating a habit of coming back from the dead. Drawing in a breath, he accessed the file attachment, waiting while his datapad produced a high pitched hum as it struggled to display the represented information. Then it all began to flash across the screen, a quick-scrolling series of images and formulas that made little sense to him until it began to show images and full structures. Collector ships. Collector technology. And the final nail; clear cut diagrams and schematics of the Reapers themselves, outlining the process in which the missing colonists had been processed and integrated. Setting the datapad down, he looked over the edge of the balcony, gaze drifting across the Citadel.

Shepard always did have a knack for throwing a wrench into the gears.

"Victoria... this is going to take a little covert touch." When he turned to face her, he saw the look of understand and approval; a rare sight in his current position. "Contact the _MSV_ _Hightower_ and let them know that it would be in their best interest to stop at Illium for refuel. At which point our agent will be reassigned."

"Of course Sir." One dark eyebrow arched as Victoria gestured to his desk. "As important as all this is, the grindstone of politics requires your attention too. You need to review some of those actions and be ready to meet with Ambassador Donsee in an hour."

Nodding, Anderson set the datapad in his secured drawer as he sat back down. "Right. We've got to keep this place orbiting, after all."

* * *

><p>ILLIUM<p>

TASALE SYSTEM

The remarkably colored Drell assistant had kept him waiting for a long enough time for him to realize that there was no important business going on on the other side of the vault-like door. No, he was being forced to cool his heels. He'd long since come to expect that from politicians but hadn't anticipated it here in Illium, and not from Liara of all people, no matter what the source or the problems may have been. His temper was beginning to creep in around the edges of calm when the assistant rose and gestured to the door.

"Liara will see you now Commander."

Biting down on any complaint he may have liked to make, he instead swept by the drell with a stiff nod and passed through the entryway as the doors swished open and quickly closed behind him with an ominous mechanical hiss. The room was a place meant to broadcast power. From the view of Illium's horizon of skyscrapers spread out through the large window, to the placement of the tall-backed chair and the broad desk; reminiscent of a command center. Lamps cast direct light into all the right areas and it left the asari sitting behind that desk only half illuminated. The broad desk was empty except for a stylized coffee cup of sorts a single datapad centered before the somehow imposing looking maiden.

"So glad you could make the time to see me." Sarcasm crept in despite his initial attempt to hold it back at her obvious posturing. Expression flat in response, she flicked her fingers at the chair opposite from her. Amused and irritated, he sat. "I'm here for information."

Liara sighed, head tilting to regard him in a manner like a teacher contemplating a particularly dense student. "I _am_ an information broker. The best. Why else would you come here but for information? I rarely come to my offices in Illium these days, but I still made the effort for you." For a moment, he was struck by the cold monotone of her voice, the steel behind her blue eyes. God, she looked like Benezia. Acted like it as well, to a degree.

"Then you already know why I'm here and what I'm after."

"Yes. I've already prepared and compiled all the relevant information you might need, and some information you might even find a little irrelevant. It's more than what you asked for. And probably more than you deserve." Liara paused, eyes sharp on his own. "And less too, I think."

"Is this you now, Liara? The mysterious information broker, disseminating her information with riddles? Do I get a galactic horoscope too? How about a lucky number?" How they'd changed over the years. The woman behind the desk seemed nothing like the one he'd met on the search for Saren.

"Let's just say I have my doubts about this mission you're on."

"I have my own doubts about it."

"I can tell. That's what gave me my doubts."

"Liara-"

"I'm not talking in riddles. I'm just being frank with you. If you're not sure about this, then who is? You have your doubts, and it makes me think that this is all going to fall apart anyway. All the information I have here won't mean a thing if you can't use it correctly. And you won't. Not going in the way you are." It didn't show in her voice, but the anger and frustration were there since he knew where to look. The tense shoulders, the slight narrowing of the eyes. Far more noticeable was the tremble in the asari's hand as she picked up the slim datapad.

Leaning in, he reached for the datapad with a clear desire for this to just end. For the meeting to be over and done with so he could get back to the life he'd been digging out for himself. Liara didn't hand it over though, instead staring at him with such sudden ice in her eyes that it made him pause. "Don't change your mind now, Liara."

"Don't screw this up." She snapped, thrusting the lip of the pad into his grip but holding fast to her side as well. Long enough for him to wonder if this was just some game. "I'm not doing this for you, or for the Alliance or anybody else. You should know that right now. I'm doing it for Shepard, because this is partially my fault as well and I don't want it to end like... like _this_."

"Like what?" There was more going on that he'd first assumed and though he had no desire to go peeling away at the layers now, it was impossible not to rise to that unfinished thought.

Rather than immediately answer, she maintained that difficult eye contact. "Those years ago... when she chose you over me, I wanted to hate you. But I couldn't, not really." If it hadn't been for the datapad still trapped in her grip, he would have gotten up and left. Rehashing this was the last thing he wanted to do. "Because you were better for her. But you've screwed up too."

If she was as good an information broker as she claimed, and as everybody else supported, then of course she knew. Knew everything, he was willing to bet, from Shepard's very private funeral and his stumbling path afterward, the hard moments before he finally got himself back on track; right up to Horizon. He swallowed hard, pushing everything down into the cold, calm center at the heart of him. "That wasn't my fault."

"No. But what happens next will be. I can't save her, not anymore. I did my part and still have to hope it was the right thing. But you _can_ save her, Kaidan. And you better." Letting go of the datapad with an air of finality, Liara leaned back into the chair, blue eyes half lidded as she stared at him. "Not many people get second chances."

The chair scraped back against the floor as he got to his feet, eyes narrowing as he backed away from her. There was so little of the Liara he knew in the asari sitting in front of him, he found it hard to even turn his back on her. He didn't trust the stranger on the other side of the desk. "Maybe there's a reason for that." Jaw clenched, Kaidan turned sharply on his heel and headed for the door.

"Wait." Later, he would wonder why he stopped when she said it, eventually coming to realize that he heard the old Liara in her voice with that one word. Eyes hard, he angled his head over a shoulder to meet her stare. A familiar uncertainty flickered in her eyes, beneath the carefully arranged layers of ice and unimpressed boredom. "Go to the transportation center. I booked you passage on a shuttle that will get you where you need to go faster then the _Hightower_ will."

Kaidan snorted, looking at the datapad still clutched in his fingers. "Of course you know where I need to go."

Liara's half smile fell short of being warm, but it was still there. "Of course. It'll give you time to review the information in private as well. But hurry. It leaves soon."

* * *

><p>AN: Rolling right along. Trying to keep this interesting without rambling on, so hopefully that's sticking.<p> 


	4. Chapter 4

OMEGA

SAHRABARIK SYSTEM

If Kaidan was surprised when he disembarked the ship to find himself in Omega, he barely showed it. Packing a moderate load of spare thermal clips in addition to his own natural biotics, he felt relatively prepared for what the burned out shell of a city could hand him. The large krogan that singled him out at the docking cradle had been a bigger surprise, directing him firmly toward the Afterlife Club and Omega's Kingpin; an asari by the name of Aria. Though he eventually agreed to the krogan's demands, he had stayed in the docking area when the other had barreled purposefully off to whatever other duties he'd been assigned.

The long flight to Omega had been a great many things due to the datapad that Liara had given him. Enlightening, disturbing, sickening and somehow still encouraging. He'd been torn up in the long months since Horizon, unable to cope with the idea that Shepard had turned traitor despite her insistence. Sickened at the thought that she hadn't died like they'd all assumed and had instead been living those painful two years as a Cerberus Operative and had shut them all out of her life as if they'd never existed. Shut _him _out. Seeing her again, and with Cerberus at that, had ripped half-healed wounds wide open and made him question everything he had experience in her presence before. Those first few shaky days after Horizon had prompted him to look back through his memories of her in search of signs that may have given away her double life.

In some ways it had been a relief to know his darkest assumptions had been wrong. There had been no secretive plot to separate herself from the rest of them during the destruction and regroup with whatever Cerberus cell she had always been a part of... and he could almost hate himself for thinking that now. No, Commander Alexandra Shepard had been truly and stunningly deceased. Nobody had survived being spaced before and she was not some miraculous exception. Liara's files had outlined that in painstaking clarity. It included her own additional footnotes; her personal involvement in retrieving the Commander's corpse and handing it over to Cerberus rather than let the Collectors have it. It was difficult to wrap his head around and Kaidan wasn't certain that he really had a firm grasp on it yet.

Though Liara's files were thorough, she wasn't able to account for everything that Shepard had accomplished since literally being brought back from the dead. But everything that she had managed to compile seemed so like the woman he had served with, fallen in love with, that he had to believe it really was true. That she really was alive and the same woman he knew. Her criss-crossing path through the galaxy had left dead or disbanded mercenary groups and grateful innocents in her wake and even a thin account of another Cerberus project reduced to rubble in her passing. The details surviving the Overlord project were few, save that Cerberus' research and development had backfired, unsurprisingly, and her further involvement had brought it crashing to a halt. There were other accounts as well, and a clip he had watched several times over of a very beautifully captured, high resolution news report where Shepard had knocked Al-Jilani on her media-enhanced ass.

That was the Shepard he knew. Or had known. Kaidan still wasn't certain how to tackle the problem and meeting it head on was an idea that failed to appeal to him in the least. A year of his life had been spent in mourning over a woman who had fit herself so perfectly into his life that when she was gone, he'd felt crippled. Followed by a year of trying to pull himself back together and find truth in his friends telling him that life would go on. He'd tried. God, how he'd tried. Kaidan's attempt to reconnect with humanity and start dating again had been a painful event for both the doctor he'd taken out and himself. There was no way to keep himself from comparing her to Shepard, and she had come up woefully short. When the date had ended early, he'd never bothered calling her back and he was certain she hadn't minded.

Now Shepard was back. And he'd called her a traitor and turned his back on her when she'd turned those green eyes on him and asked for him to come with her; like the good old days. It had even felt complete at that fragile moment; Garrus standing stoically behind her, half his face reduced to pulped scarring from god only knew what. Only the good old days had been painful reminders for too long and her resurfacing was a confusing betrayal. When that day had ended, the world seemed vastly different than the one he'd woken up to. Collectors. Cerberus. Horizon's population drained. And Shepard alive.

Shifting against the wall of the docking area, he made sure the datapad was secured and stowed, double checked his rifle and pushed out into the restless crowd. Too much time sitting and thinking things over wouldn't get his mission finished, and he had no intention of staying on Omega any longer then necessary. Afterlife was impossible to miss, the blazing neon signs lit up the streets of the city like fire. Cast in the red glow for a thoughtful moment, he skirted around the crowd before a bulky Elcor broke away from the complaints of a line-locked human just long enough to stop him.

"Aria requested my presence. Commander Kaidan Alenko."

"Sincere greeting: Welcome to Afterlife. Firm suggestion: Aria wishes to meet with you presently." Duties done, the Elcor bouncer turned back to the line, shouldering back the human who had attempted to edge past him, sparking a new set of high pitched complains and a monotone series of replies that the elcor seemed to have voiced multiple times already. Shaking his head, he made his way in. The club was crowded with heavy music and holographic flames, Asari dancers weaving in the light like tormented souls. Grimacing at the pound of music, he followed the directions to the privatized platform that extended over the dance club. Everything about the place seemed hedonistic to the point of being overdone.

Halfway up the steps, he was stopped and subjected to a brief scanning before Aria would see him. He was largely unsurprised, taking a seat on the long couch against the room's low wall. Her quick examination of him did little to reassure him of the entire strange goings-on of the mission but before he could talk, she'd already launched into the topic.

"So. You're a friend of Shepard are you?" Leaning back into the cushions of her couch, the asari gave him a once over that sent his skin to prickling in insult. "I've never seen you, so I'm going to call bullshit on that. Shepard has one hell of a varied crew, but you've never been part of it when they come tearing around Omega." Even though he wondered how she knew why he was here – hell, maybe Asari really were mind readers – he didn't bother asking.

"I never said I was part of her crew. Shepard was my Commander in the Alliance and I've come to find her."

"Well Marine," she grinned, a positively devilish look cast in the red club lights. "As you humans say; you're barking up the wrong tree. I'm sure I don't have to tell you that Shepard isn't with the Alliance anymore. Maybe you've come to drag her back, huh? As entertaining as that would be to watch, I'll pass." Flicking her fingers in some predetermined signal at the batarian guard stationed at the foot of the stairs, Aria turned her sharp glance back to him.

Tired of playing games, he met her stare without wavering, leaning forward to brace his hands on his knees. "I'm not here to ask for permission to run around Omega. I'm here to complete a mission, and you're not going to stop me."

At that, Aria smiled. The batarian stepped up and handed a garishly colored flier to her. "Ah, now that's like Shepard. Maybe you do know her." Extending a hand, she waved the piece of paper at him. Kaidan accepted it with an arched brow. "I don't play games, Staff Commander Alenko. If you're a friend of Shepard's, go to it. If you're an enemy of hers, well, I'm not worried about that either unless she blows apart of a chunk of Omega when she kills you. Because if you're not who you say you are, she will."

Kaidan glanced at the heavily layered flier in his hand. Numbers, addresses, a large, flashing heading. "An advertisement?" At her look, he gave it a second glance. "A pit ring? Shepard's at a fighting ring?"

"No, Shepard is dominating a fighting ring. You'll find her at War Zone. Whether you come back in one piece or not is up to you." Shifting her shoulders, Aria leaned back into the couch and shrugged. "But try not die. Dead Alliance Marines bring more, nosy Alliance Marines. Now get out of here, we're done."

* * *

><p>OMEGA<p>

SAHRABARIK SYSTEM

"WAR ZONE"

The club had been miserably noisy, but the moment Kaidan stepped into War Zone, he knew his already poor day was not going to get any better. The rough stands were packed with a stunning variety of species, all clamoring and shouting at the action going on in the center ring. Which was really little more than a pit dug out in the center of the floor; tall enough to keep your average fighter from bolting over the sides from a fight that had gone bad and sizable enough to accommodate any combination of fighters a person could dream of. The metal walls sported the occasional dark stain of blood and the floor looked only barely padded, possessing combat marks of its own as well.

The doorway put him at the top and back of the stands, well above the pit and able to look down on the action. Once he'd paid his way in, he did just that; finding a good spot to observe from and taking a long, hard look at the blood sport taking place below him.

In the pit, an Asari Commando moved like lightning, the dark leather of her clothing mimicking the cut and style of traditional Commando armor but allowing for a greater ease of movement that she was taking sure advantage of. Her opponent was none other than the woman he'd been sent to find. Seeing Shepard in the ring against a Commando dropped a hard knot into the pit of his gut. Shepard wasn't a front line soldier with a full kit of armor here, and though she had proven she could hold her own in unarmed combat; going against a fully trained Commando in a dive on Omega was something akin to suicide.

Even as he watched, they closed the distance between them and the crowd cheered and jeered them on with sudden exuberance. Kaidan leaned over to watch as the Asari struck; Shepard snapping back with the force of a blow though she did little more than shake it off and move in to counter with a nearly blindingly fast jab. Faster than he remembered her being. The Asari was quicker still. They seemed to have been at it for a while judging from the catcalls in the stands; a constant stream of suggestions. Many had nothing to do with combat and everything to do with two women in a ring. Several suggestions involved food or lubricants of one kind or another.

Body tense as he watched, they exchanged another flurry of blows, moving into a quick grappling bout that had them thrashing across the floor before the Asari worked herself free; Shepard was on her feet in an instant and on the Asari before the Commando could find her balance once more. And then, from what he could see, Shepard made a mistake. When they closed to grapple, the way she moved set her suddenly wide open for attack; arm thrusting out with such a clear telegraph that she practically gave it to the Asari. And the Commando took it.

"What are you doing?" Kaidan hissed, grip turned white knuckle beneath the layers of his armor as he wrapped his hands about a guard rail. Shepard was better than that, she was a stealthy and competent fighter, never prone to giving her enemy anything. Except a fat lip, black eye or a bullet wound, perhaps.

"Exactly what she always does." The gravely voice at his shoulder had him flinching, head turning to take in the turian who seemed to have appeared out of nowhere when his focus had been on the fight. Garrus gave him a responding twitch of his mandibles and his eyes flicked back to the ring in indication. "She's testing her limits." Kaidan looked back as the Asari wrapped the arm into a tight hold and he braced himself for what he knew was coming. Braced for the wet noise of breaking bone, for the recoil of Alex's body, the cry of pain...

But it didn't come. The Asari made a noise of surprise that was barely audible over the din and Shepard launched forward, arm twisting in the Asari's grip to drive an elbow into the Commando's chin and bring her down with an almost savage series of blows delivered to her torso and head. When the crowd surged to their feet, he lost sight of her in the sudden barrage of voices and movement; wagers argued over, boasting wins and blood lust. When things settled enough for him to see the ring; Shepard was gone and the Asari was being dragged limply from the pit.

"How could you let her take such a dangerous risk?" Kaidan rounded on Garrus, feeling a need to vent that sudden sick worry along with the irritation that been growing since Anderson had dropped the details of his new mission into his omnitool. Garrus let out a rough laugh as he rocked back on his heels, arms folding firmly over his battered armor.

"'Let her'? Kaidan, have you forgotten what she's like? You can't steer her away from anything once she gets her mind set on it. All you can do is get out of the way, or hang on for the ride." Garrus' expression tightened somewhat, mandibles closing in against his jaws as he turned to glance at the empty pit and the emptying stands. "And the ride is getting rough." Turning back to Kaidan, the turian narrowed his eyes. "What are you doing here? Didn't you have enough to say on Horizon?"

He was surprised to find the rebuke had a sting to it. "I'm here because Anderson sent me. That data she sent has him worried."

Garrus gave him a searching look, eyes steady on his own. "Is that the only reason?" The sniper's tone was unreadable and again he found himself wondering how so much had changed between him and his former crewmates. Was he the outcast now since he hadn't dropped his life and abandoned his military career to side with Cerberus when she asked him to? But he knew what Garrus was asking...

"Drop it Garrus. It's been-"

"Yeah, two years. We all thought she was dead, Kaidan. But you should turn around and leave. Again. Things are different now and not just because of blurred battle lines." Fanged jaws rasping together, the turian gave him a last look and turned to head toward the doors set near the pit.

"You weren't in love with her, Garrus." He snapped, wondering why the hell he was saying all of this now. "Your life didn't go to pieces."

"Is that what you think? I respect Shepard more than anybody else in this galaxy! Because I didn't love her the way that you did, I didn't suffer when she died? How stupid can you be, Alenko? Even after doing something so monumental as saving the Citadel, the entire crew fell apart without her, not just you." Garrus cut a hand through the air angrily as he spoke, posture taking on an aggressive edge. "We all understand why you fell apart. Hell, I even understand why you turned your back on us at Horizon. But trying to go back to the way things were now... well, you're just too late." Eyes squinting hard at the Marine, Garrus let out a low rumble of frustration. "It's too late for the Alliance to step in, and it's too late for you."

"That's not what I'm here for!"

"Maybe it should be. You've changed." Shaking his head, the turian turned toward the doors once more, casting a last piece of advice over his shoulder. "Everything has changed. Turn and go, things aren't the same anymore." Garrus vanished into the depths of the pit, heavy metal doors closing behind him with a hard wrench. Blowing out a breath, Kaidan stared at the scarred doors for a long moment then turned and rounded the ring as he tried to sort things out.

Perhaps it would have been easier if he hadn't run into Garrus. Their shared history would make things touchy. Hell, his shared history with Shepard would make things touchy, particularly after their exchange on Horizon. Still, there was little he could do to push down the feeling of irritation. Anderson had given him the mission for a reason; Staff Commander Kaidan Alenko was the one person in the Alliance they could spare that could handle Shepard. He hoped.

Gritting his teeth, he stalked toward the double doors and pushed through into the dank corridor of the pits. It was easy enough to tell where a victorious Shepard had gone after the fight; light shone from beneath the cracked doorframe further down the tunnel and raucous laughter echoed down the enclosed space, guiding him down to the sound of his own heavy footsteps.

"-seen the look on her face when your arm didn't snap. I've never seen a goddamn Commando look so surprised in years!" Another upwelling of cackling laughter followed after, the gruff voice joined by a few others. Shepard never did like to be alone and it seemed she had a small gathering. He nearly stopped when her voice filtered through the door; as crisp and clear as if she were speaking to him.

"Well than stop going on about how I took my sweet time. It took me half that match to work up the guts to just stick my arm out there in the first place and give it to her. What if they hadn't worked or weren't strong enough? You guys would have had to drag Mordin down here with cases of MediGel and all that shit would have been for nothing." Silence descended for a moment as she spat out a quick curse. "Nothing."

"It wasn't for nothing." Another voice, as unfamiliar as the first. "You held your own, you moved almost as fast as she did and you kicked ass. So far as testing goes, I think we can count this a success."

Disgust and surprise spiked somewhere in the vicinity of Kaidan's gut. When had he become a strange marine lurking outside closed doors in an underground pit ring? With an inward sigh, he shouldered the door open and edged into the room. Shepard was sitting in the middle of a group, her back to him and hair still shaved down to the fine fuzz she'd been sporting on Horizon; so different from when they had been on the Normandy together, long hair twisted expertly into a regulation bun at the back of her head. Her skin was more pale than he recalled and crisscrossed with thin stripes that seemed too faint and fine to be scarring as they followed the lean lines of her arms, disappearing beneath the loose cotton tank. Dark color of what looked like new tattoos created bulls-eyes on her shoulders, matching emblems visible at the crease of her inner arm, at her wrists. That was new.

There were a few others seated around her; a woman sitting on an upturned crate, her hair shaved down to a scalp hugging fuzz and displaying more skin than was healthy for Omega and almost every inch of it covered in a collection of colorful and almost garish tattoos; another slim figure was leaning against the wall opposite, her petite form blending into the shadows in a body hugging outfit of mottled blacks and a hood slung low over her glinting eyes and sharp smile; an older man with aged scars gouged across his face and one eye a blind, milky white, his dull yellow armor plating fastened in what seemed an almost haphazard fashion over connectors and heavy black body armor. Tali'zorah was sitting in front of Shepard and he couldn't hide the quick shock of surprise that not only had Garrus sided with Shepard once more, but the quarian girl had as well. It was Tali who registered his entrance first with a quick jerk of surprise. They were in the midst of staring uncomfortably at one another across the distance when the grizzled war veteran turned a dark scowl at him.

"No autographs Marine," lips pulled into an irritated sneer, he twisted the title into something unpleasant. His expression was one of offhand dismissal; a man looking at a cockroach. A thumb jerked toward the metal doors he'd just slipped in through, the flash of old tattoos across a bare arm jumping in the sallow light. "Get the hell outta here."

At the same moment, Tali cleared her respirator with a hollow "Kaidan," and Shepard went from fluid relaxation to stiff-spined disbelief. Or maybe it was anger that tugged her shoulders sharply upward, hands diving together to clasp in front of her.

The room quickly lapsed into uncomfortable silence until the tattooed woman barked a quick laugh. "Oh man, he's _the_ Kaidan isn't he?"

"Jack, be quiet." Shepard dropped her head forward, a hand coming up to drag fingers stiffly across her forehead. "You guys head out. I'll be right after you." Tali rose slowly to her feet and the flash of HUD circuitry across the faceplate disguised whatever glimpse of narrowed eyes he may have received.

"I don't think that's a good idea." The quarian turned her body toward Kaidan and he shoved hard at the sense of indignation that rose like bile in the back of his throat. Shepard's private army. At Tali's words, the other two rose to their feet and he lost sight completely of the darker garbed woman; it would seem that she had vanished the moment his attention was turned.

"We'll get him out of here." The old soldier rolled his shoulders, a rough edge to the gleam in his good eye that seemed to lend support to the faded Blue Sun tattoo on the side of his neck. The woman rose as well, bringing her fists together with a sharp smile.

"Yeah, Shepard. Let us handle this joker."

"Zaeed, Jack. Tali. I can handle this, its probably best you all go." When Commander Shepard used her command voice it seemed that people still listened, and he edged to one side and returned the sharp stares with a bland, measuring look of his own as they filed out of the room. Tali reached out, hand lighting on his armor for a half second as she hesitated, on the verge of saying something before she simply shook her head and walked out. The door shut behind them with a hollow noise and the silence stretched out to include the sound of three sets of steps dragging into the darkness. "Kasumi. Out." Kaidan didn't hear anything, but Shepard cocked her head to the side and nodded when whatever she had sensed had receded.

When she swiveled on the broken down crate to face him, he had the quick moment of wondering if his jaw had gaped open or not. Alex had always sported a pair of sharp green eyes, a pale combination of color and intensity that caught one's attention and made a person pay attention when she focused in on them. Bright before, now they literally glowed in the half-light of the Pit's "locker room". There had been a slight glint of red behind her iris' when he'd gotten her worked up on Horizon but it had been easy enough to pass off as his own weary mind; trapped for god knew how long in a Collector-born stasis that had made him feel like he was half-crazed by the time he could move again. No, there was a console-light glow below sharply angled brows, set between a scowl and the sharp angle of her jaw; a grim set of determination he'd seen her plaster on before going to butt heads with whatever got in her path. It was less than comforting to realize he was an obstacle now.

Kaidan set his jaw and met her stare. She was an obstacle or sorts as well. Shepard, whom he had once followed without question and even mutinied against the Alliance for had slowly turned into _the_ big blockade in his life-after-_Normandy_. Of course, Liara's information had shaken that foundation but good. It was not a reassuring thing to stare into that laser-sharp glare and have no solid footing. If she saw it, she made no sign of it, but she hadn't gone for his figurative throat yet either.

"Why are you here?" The weariness that dragged at her voice shot him back to the _Normandy _when they had been docked at the Citadel; her defeated slump against the ship's lockers as she looked up at him and the expression on her face resting between betrayal and defeat with no way to find a new hope to dig her fingernails into.

Shepard's voice held a slight tremor as she turned her head. "Don't look at me like that, damnit." Kaidan jerked himself back to the present at the acid in her tone. And suddenly she was in motion; bouncing heel and toe across the floor away from him, a fighter's stance in her tense muscles and electric glower.

"Anderson sent me." As if that would clarify things, make this easier.

"So he got my message. I was beginning to wonder." When she turned to face him once more he caught sight of another pair of black bulls-eyes; hovering small and secretive at either side of her throat. Jugular decoration that jumped grim thoughts to the fore of his mind.

"He wants you to come back to the Citadel and present the evidence you gathered to the new Council."

Alex stopped in her tracks, stare turning to ice. "No. I sent him that so I didn't have to go back. They all want to turn their backs and pretend nothing is wrong like a bunch of ignorant pyjacks and I won't go back there so they can tell me I'm crazy!" Her voice pitched into a bitter shout, shoulders hitching upward again and fingers curling into white knuckled fists. "If that's why you came, just go." The Commander waited a beat, brows drawing further downward as the sharp glow of her iris' intensified. "Go!"

"Shepard, I'm not going until you agree to come back and deal with this. What makes you think they'll listen to Anderson if he brings this up? They've been trying to write him off as a dog with a bone since they instated him and if he does this without you, they'll have their excuse." Fists clenching as she gave him a dark look, he realized in a heartbeat that she was sizing him up. "Do you want Udina up there after all this? Playing political ball and dragging the rest of us down? Stop being a coward."

It had been the wrong thing to say. The breath was slammed out of his lungs when his body met the far wall with a bone jarring thud, the attack so sudden that he hadn't even seen Shepard move. The fingers of one of her hands were jammed into the shoulder socket of his armor and the blade of her forearm laid across his throat. As it was, he hadn't been able to suck in a breath yet. Alex was close enough he could smell the sharp scent of whatever soap she had used after the fight, could see the circuitry riding in the depths of her green eyes along with something that looked suspiciously like fear. "Don't call me a coward when you haven't seen what I have." Voice low and dangerous, she leaned in closer and as her face went red from anger, he could see more pale scar lines tracking faintly across her shoulders and throat, drawing his eye across pale skin until the marks vanished beneath her tank top. Meeting her glare with a look of his own, he shifted to put himself into motion. She stopped him from trying to get away with a short slam against the wall, forearm pressing against his throat as she leaned her weight into his; pinning him upright. Faster and stronger than he remembered, Shepard locked him up as quickly as if he were a fresh faced private taking his first day of combatives.

"Shepard," he coughed out, hands reaching up to lock around her wrist and arm. "You have a duty-"

"Don't preach to me! I'm doing my duty, Staff Commander Alenko." Adrenaline scoured through him as she leaned closer, the threat clear even as something else ghosted through her expression. Drawing in a deep breath, Shepard eased up and gave him a speculative look, her glare losing it's edge. "I am not an Alliance Marine. I am not even a Spectre. I'm doing everything I can." She swallowed hard and he noticed the slight tremble in her hands as she struggled for whatever control she had just lost in that spectacularly aggressive attack. "It's not too late for you to come with me," she breathed; voice far away and deceptively soft for the way she had him locked up.

Kaidan wasn't sure what to say, but was saved regardless when the metal doors thudded open, a noise that brought both humans to their toes. Shepard released him in a flash of movement and pushed off into a tense, on-guard position a few feet back. He turned instinctively, hand coming up to his throat to massage away the pressing feeling of suffocation. Garrus eyed them both from the doorway, his expression going guarded as he and Shepard exchanged a long look, the Commander's form going loose and easy in a heartbeat. Feeling almost sheepish, he dropped his hands back to his side.

"I warned you to go." The turian snapped at him, sweeping into the room and throwing an arm around Shepard's shoulders, dragging her toward the door a grudging step. Alex shot the turian a bitter glance, but then submitted with an unhappy sigh. "Go back to the Citadel." The room emptied, leaving Kaidan more tense then when he first got the mission. Whatever had happened out there had changed the people he used to know into complete strangers. He waited until their retreating steps faded into silence before leaving the locker room, trudging the long walk down the hallway to leave the pit itself, War Zone falling behind him as he moved through Omega.

This was going to be infinitely harder than he first imagined, but he wasn't about to give up. That wasn't the Shepard he had known before losing her, but it wasn't even the same Shepard that he had seen on Horizon. On the colony, she had been familiar; her posture and expression giving away what her words wouldn't, even her few tells standing out clearly to a person who knew where to look. But the woman who had beaten the Asari into unconsciousness in an underground pit ring and nearly did the same to him was an unknown. He was beginning to see that for all their ease, her crew were on edge as well. Garrus' behavior had taken on a baffling edge of keeper or caretaker. When they had told him things were different, he had simply expected they meant the mission and allegiances. He was beginning to see there was more to it than that.

* * *

><p>AN: Thanks a ton for the review, LordKalvan, I appreciate the feedback and it's good to know my style is working well :) Hope this satisfies those of you who have started to follow this nutball little tale.<p> 


	5. Chapter 5

OMEGA

SAHRABARIK SYSTEM

NORMANDY

=You do not have access to this ship.=

Kaidan started and pulled his hand away from the _Normandy's_ hull at the modulated feminine voice, her tone one of such dry disapproval he experienced a there-and-gone flash of guilt. "I'm Staff Commander Kaidan Alenko of the Alliance Marines."

=I am well aware of who you are and what your mission is, Commander Alenko. The fact remains that you do not possess the authorization or clearance to board this ship.= Pressing fingers to his eyes, Kaidan tipped his head back and blew out a frustrated breath. To come this far and be turned aside by a machine? Not likely.

"Let me in, I need to speak with Shepard."

=Commander Shepard is unavailable.=

"Then let me talk to the pilot!" Kaidan shot back. He knew by simple fact of the information that Liara had passed along that Joker piloted the _Normandy_ SR2 just as he had the SR1. Some things didn't change at least. The computerized voice didn't answer back though, leaving him in an uncomfortable silence in the docking bay broken only by the come and go noise of other crews. And in Omega, there was no telling when somebody might decide that the Alliance military armor he was wearing needed a few plasma holes in it.

Thoughts wandering down that particular line, Kaidan jumped when the door opened with a quiet depressurization. =The pilot has granted you clearance,= the voice offered in a somewhat resigned tone. It was far more advanced than good old Bitching Betty back on the SR1. It served to raise a few more questions, but he pushed them aside and stepped into the air lock before whoever was in charge at the moment changed their mind.

"Well, look what the cat dragged in." Joker grinned at him from across the walkway as the air lock opened into the ship, leaned comfortably against the wall with the bill of his cap pushed up to give him an unobstructed look at Kaidan's new rank and armor. Smile fading somewhat as his eyes returned to Kaidan's, Joker gave him a speculative look and the biotic had to repress the urge to glare. "Looks like you're moving up in the world. Alliance still promoting you along, huh?" The bitterness in his voice was unmistakable. Kaidan sighed and held his hands up disarmingly.

"Joker, please. I didn't come here for trouble."

In response, the pilot lifted his shoulders in a vague shrug and turned to make a slow walk back the pilot command console. Kaidan followed, knowing Joker felt far more comfortable and in power at the helm. Once he had settled himself back into the chair, Joker spun it around and kicked back to give Kaidan a long look. "Yeah I know. Hey, I'm not a bitter man. You're still floating through space on old frigates while we sit pretty in our precisely temperature controlled leather seats and blow by anything the Alliance can call a ship these days." A pause, and he shot Kaidan a sharp grin. "I make better pay now anyway. And yeah, you are here for trouble. Shepard blew through here like a shit storm after she was done talking to you, soooo," he drawled, waving a hand through the air. "You might want to hit the dusty trail before she guns you down, hombre."

"Joker, I can't do that. If I go, it's because she's coming with me." Looking about as they talked, Kaidan found himself nearly in awe of the changes made to the _Normandy_. From the exterior she had been noticeably larger and while they had stuck to the same basic layout when rebuilding it, the interior was incredibly spacious and the technology and mechanics notably advanced, even by the standards the Alliance had been putting out recently. The _Normandy_ was light years ahead of herself now, even if there was evident wear and tear from their trip through the Omega Relay and back.

"The Council needs to hear the new evidence of the Reapers straight from the source. Councilor Anderson needs her there to bolster his report." Kaidan turned to meet Joker's eyes across the brief distance, attempting to stress the importance of what he needed her for. "You and I and everybody else on this ship knows the truth, but the new Council is just as happy as the old one to pretend that there is no real threat. Joker, we need her."

Grunting in reply, Joker scrubbed his hands across his face in a weary gesture and nodded. "Yeah, I know. Same old song and dance. I don't think you really know what you're doing right now Kaidan because Shepard, she..." he trailed off, unsettled for a moment and shot a look at the innocuous looking computerized orb sitting on the control console. "EDI, silence is golden so you tell anybody I said this and I'll reprogram you to sing Daisy Bell."

=Understood Jeff. I'm more fond of Tiptoe through the Tulips regardless.=

"Smart ass. Thinks she's the source of humor on this ship now," Joker grumbled, turning back to Kaidan. The biotic looked understandably surprised. "Never thought I'd see the day when I actually like having an AI around, but there you have it. The times, they are a'changing. Look Kaidan, Shepard did something to herself and it pushed her a little closer to the deep end. If you don't tread carefully, you might just find yourself spaced. Me? I'm rooting for a happy ending and hey, you're still kind of my friend so I'd rather you not get smeared."

"What did she-" Kaidan was cut off by a quick gesture from the pilot.

"This isn't really the place to say. But she went under a few days before we made it here and hasn't really been the same since. Hell, she started going a little weird as soon as we squished the Collectors." Leaning back in the chair, Joker gave his head a soft shake and brought up a roster, skimming through it with a quick look. His scanning eyes jumped to a halt and he gave the roster a long look before tucking it back away. "Hey. It's been a long day. You still eat like a horse, I'm sure. Let me show you our impressive cafeteria. Better than anything you'll see on an Alliance ship."

"That's it? You can't tell me anymore? All I get is 'check out my new baby and enjoy our exotic cuisine'?" Kaidan shifted impatiently. This whole ship was full of lunatics. Maybe the Omega relay scrambled the brain and priorities.

"Trust me. You'll like the food." Spinning the chair back in a clear gesture of dismissal, Joker waved a hand over the backrest of the oversized seat. "I'll be down in just a minute, I need to see how the system repairs are coming along. Hey EDI, make sure he gets where he needs to be."

=Of course, Jeff.=

"Fine. This whole ship has gone insane." Kaidan stalked through the CIC, earning surprised and suspicious glances from what he assumed was the normal crew. Several still bore signs of the rough trip to Omega and back; pale faces and skittish expressions, a few broken bones scattered amongst them. Remembering what had happened on Horizon when the Collectors had paid a visit, he had to give them some admiration for getting back to the job so quickly. Shepard had herself a capable looking crew. Figuring the cafeteria here would be in much the same place as the original Normandy, he swept into the elevator behind the galactic display, holding his posture tight until the doors hissed shut. The elevator started it's descent almost immediately.

=You are correct to a degree.= EDI sounded out, the blue ball of electric light that represented her presence flashing into sight near his elbow. Kaidan arched an eyebrow. =The crew has faced a great deal of trauma, but none of us are insane. We are troubled though.=

Keeping his silence for a moment, he kept an eye on EDI as he considered how much had changed to the point where Shepard seemed to approve of having an AI on board. "Then perhaps you can help me by telling me what I can do to convince Shepard to come with me and get the Council on track."

In a very human manner, EDI made a low hum of consideration. =Perhaps.= Winking out of existence as the elevator came to a halt, the AI retreated back into whatever duties she was taking care of and the elevator opened soundlessly to reveal a deck area that was massive in comparison to what they had worked with before. Stepping out of the elevator, he took a curious glance down either end of the long hallway, finding a few crew members moving from one room to another.

While the majority of them were human, he also saw a rather stern looking asari speaking with a hulking krogan, their heads bent together and the exchange mostly one sided. He jumped when the krogan let out a raucous laugh and slapped the asari's shoulder hard enough to stagger her. Shaking his head, he turned the corner and found himself in the cafeteria area, separated into sections by paneled flooring of different color tones and materials.

Where the infirmary had been on the SR1, it was nicely replicated. Tall glass windows giving a view into the cafeteria; Doctor Chakwas had her head bent over whatever problem she was tackling. It would be easy, he mused, to give in. Cast aside this insane mission that Councilor Anderson had tacked to him and sign on here to pretend that the last two years really were just a bad dream. With a sigh, he stepped over to the seating and wondered for the second or third time why he had decided to come down here and humor Joker.

"Hey. Out of the way."

Shifting aside, he glanced to the side as the heavily tattooed woman from the pit locker room shoved past him, casting him a quick look of interest. "Well! Looks like Shepard didn't squish you, so maybe you are a bit stronger than you look." Moving past him before he could even reply, she grabbed a tray and settled down at one of the tables already hosting a drell and the battered war veteran, Zaeed, that had been keeping company with Shepard at Omega. Unsettled, he let his vision roam the larger room until a willowy looking redhead with an empty tray waved him over.

"You're Kaidan Alenko," she said by way of greeting, offering a hand. "I'm Kelly Chambers. Don't mind Jack, she has some anger issues." While Kelly ignored the vocal outburst from the next table over, the marine simply shook his head. Shepard and her strays... though he looked back on the times when he was counted amongst them warmly. "I'm actually quite happy you came by. There's something I need to speak to you about." Puzzled, Kaidan lowered himself into the seat. This day was full of surprises if nothing else. "I'm sure this is a bit of a shock to you, and really I can't blame you." Pretty face going troubled, she leaned in almost conspiratorially. "We're hoping you can help us."

"You'll have to excuse me if I don't know what you're talking about."

Kelly smiled and ducked her head in a brief, nervous nod. "I already know why you're here and that you need Shepard." Sharper than he would have thought considering her almost flighty attitude, her eyes latched onto his, expression shifting into one of concentration as she studied him and his own reactions. "So because Jeff seems to trust you to be able to help, I'm going to explain what's happened. Hopefully, you can do something about it."

"I don't know what you expect me to be able to do about anything. Shepard seems more interested in fighting than talking," Kaidan shifted in the hard plastic seat as he considered his next words. Getting body slammed into a wall by the woman he had come to convince wasn't how he'd hoped to start the mission out. Still, he had known it would be difficult back when he was convinced she was a traitor and Cerberus loyalist. That things had turned out differently hadn't changed his mind, only served to flip things completely around. "Things between us aren't very favorable at the moment."

"Yeah, that's the understatement of the year," Joker added in from behind him, managing to walk in silently enough Kaidan hadn't even heard him. While he no longer needed the support of crutches or specialized leg braces to make his way around, Kaidan noted the hunched posture and deliberation in each step. "Shepard's gone off the deep end."

"Jeff!" Kelly hissed, casting a dark glance at the pilot.

"Hell, I know you have some wonderfully overrated psychoanalyst words for it, but when you put it down plain and simple, Shepard's _not well_." Including the eternal gesture of crazy into the conversation, Joker spun a finger near his ear but Kaidan caught the worry in his voice and posture. Making light of the Commander, or anybody else on the ship for that matter, had been a pastime that Joker had found great pleasure in so it came as no surprise to see he still found himself unable to pry that old, deck worn habit away.

"Don't listen to him," Kelly sighed and pushed her tray into Jokers in a burst of energetic immaturity that made him think back to the strained camaraderie of BaAT. "She's not crazy, she hasn't gone off the deep end. Commander Shepard is experiencing... well, a good deal of self doubt and uncertainty and has decided to cope with it a very self destructive manner. Just let me start at the beginning. It's easier that way."

Looking between the two Cerberus crew members, Kaidan finally gave a short nod. "Please do."

"My job here was not only to monitor the crew for any psychological issues that may arise as well as any signs of double agents and confused loyalties. Primarily, I was to make sure that Commander Shepard was herself. I think you should know I was really pretty nervous about this. I expected somebody with a good deal more trauma lurking in her subconscious. You had all been violently and unexpectedly attacked by the Collectors and on top of that, she had been... well. I don't think I need to go into all that detail. Death trauma was a real and very worrisome possibility. Project Lazarus did something that has never been done before. Attempted certainly, but never achieved." Kelly stifled a sigh and glanced at the empty tray in front of her, slender fingers running along the plastic in invisible patterns as she spoke. "We brought a soldier and a hero back from the dead and there was nothing wrong."

"You can't be serious," the Marine blinked, looking from Joker to Kelly with an expression of baffled amazement. "Combatants lie all the time about shell shock and mental injuries to keep from being moved to the rear."

"You think I don't know that?" Frowning, the woman pushed her hair away from her face and glowered, the intensity in her eyes shifting imperceptibly to shame. "The Illusive Man didn't put me on this ship because I look good in a flight uniform. I'm one of Cerberus' top psychiatrists. When I say nothing was wrong, I mean it. Shepard never missed a beat, really. Aside from adjusting to a new crew and an improved ship design, there was nothing that blipped on my radar. Unless you count her initial hostilities in having to work with a Cerberus crew, ship and budget, there were no major alterations in her behavior patterns. Honestly, if she had agreed to work with Cerberus without any second thoughts, I would have been concerned. Despite what you may think, she and the Illusive Man did not get along very well. But there were no problems with her." Tapping a faltering beat on the table with her short nails, she shot Joker a tired glance. "Were there Jeff?"

With a sharp jerk of his shoulders, the pilot turned to Kaidan. "She was the same old Shepard. Like everything that happened was just a short stay in an infirmary and not two years on a reconstruction slab."

"And why the hell didn't you tell me any of this, Joker?" Kaidan bristled, hands clenching around the edge of the table tightly enough that the reinforced plastic creaked in protest. "You knew how to reach me, I thought we were still friends."

"Hey! Don't you pull that on me!" Joker half pushed himself out of his seat, color rushing to turn his face an angry red. Kelly quickly took control of the situation, soothing Joker back into his seat and making hushing motions at the both of them.

"Jeff didn't know. Only personnel on the Lazarus station knew what the operation was and even then, most didn't know who was on that, ahem, 'reconstruction slab'. Please, just... you were friends at some point or another, don't let who signs the paychecks tear any more rifts between you." Pressing the heel of her hand to her forehead, Kelly cast the two of them a tired look from beneath lowered lashes. "Are you ready to listen to what I have to say?" Receiving a curt nod in reply, she fished a datapad from her suit and pushed across the tabletop with a finger.

Kaidan skimmed it, eyebrow arching as he began to read it off. "Heavy skin weave, cybernetic muscle weave, skeletal latticework, arterial shunts..." Voice dropping to a dismayed whisper as realization sunk home, he looked between Kelly and Joker. "She did this, didn't she?"

Rather than answer the question, the psychiatrist licked her lips and picked up her explanation almost where she had left off before. "As long as Shepard had an immediate mission to accomplish and a goal in her sights, she kept moving like nothing had happened and it fooled us all into thinking she was stable. Although at that time, she was. It wasn't until we escaped th-the..." Kelly paled, fingers knotting together on the tabletop as she drew in a deep breath. "The Collector Base that we suddenly had any downtime. Shepard was relentless in keeping us moving and now there nothing left to move toward until the Reapers made the next move. The downtime gave us all a lot of time to think about things. Mortality, family, expectations. I think that when Shepard was finally forced to stop, stand still and confront what been trailing behind her, it was too much all at once."

"She snapped," Jeff intoned quietly.

Blowing out a sigh, Kelly nodded. "Not quite. I don't know exactly what was going through her head, but for one reason or another she decided that undertaking a lot of risky medical procedures was a good idea. Shepard has increased her strength, stamina, reaction times... everything is so far off the charts she's part machine now. But she can't reconcile what happened with who she is now and there is a real crisis brewing. She's gotten very anxious lately and it's beginning to border on hostility. I don't think there's any turning her around without some real help." Fixing him a pointed look, Kelly waited until Kaidan met her eyes, a feeling of apprehension sliding in behind him. "Without the help of somebody who knows her from before."

"Why not Joker-"

"Joker has been with her all this time, and while she trusts him, she seems to have decided he's far too close to the problem, and admittedly, it could be that she still has a chip on her shoulder the size of Jupiter when it comes to Cerberus. Tali is frankly a bit horrified by what Shepard's done to herself, so she avoids her like some quarian plague. When the Commander started leaning on Garrus for support, he caved. Garrus is enabling her to keep avoiding what the real issue is, whatever that may be. He doesn't realize it because our cultures are so different and he thinks that's what he's supposed to do. Either way, none of us are having much luck with helping her."

"And you think I'll have more luck?" Kaidan spat, hating all the more that this was falling on his shoulders when he didn't even have solid footing quite yet.

"That's what we're hoping."

Jeff sighed uncomfortably, giving Kaidan an unreadable look from beneath the bill of his cap. "We're out of ideas and as much as it chaps my ass to say it, I can't help her either. Looks like you're our only hope of getting Shepard back."

o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Leaving the uncomfortable conversation of the cafeteria behind him, Kaidan stepped into the refuge of the elevator without hesitation when it opened, looking for nothing more than a way out and some time to digest all of this. Any planning that he had made coming into the situation had been blown to hell with what he was facing now. When the mission had come down to him, he had planned ahead to deal with a woman he had loved who had turned traitor on them all and was working with Cerberus. With that in mind, he assumed all it would take would be an appeal to her loyalty to humanity and maybe a truck load of credits while he tried to keep from voicing his own disgust and sense of betrayal.

What he'd found was different. A woman brought back from the dead by a group she despised but still decided to work for out of some strange sense of debt, and was now operating with a body altered by highly experimental technology. Add in a personality that had always been somewhat partial to violent response and was dealing with a heap of troubling realizations all at once and the results were very potentially dangerous not only to his mission, but to his personal health. Still, if Shepard was anything like he remembered, he didn't think he needed to worry about being hurt by her unless he kept pressing the wrong buttons.

The elevator hummed into motion as he considered his options. Shepard was going to be difficult to deal with now; suffering from whatever mental trauma had caught up with her and likely feeling betrayed by the Alliance and Council she had sworn herself into duty for. Sighing, he shoved his fingers through his hair and leaned against the back wall. How could he possibly manage this? The Alliance and the Council were counting on him to bring her back to the Citadel, and her crew was counting on him to bring her back from the slippery slope of insanity by the sound of it.

Still mulling things over, he stepped through the doors when the elevator came to a halt and the doors opened, jerking his head up when he found himself in a stunted room with only the elevator doors behind him and a closed door ahead of him. Turning back to face the interior of the lift, he clenched his jaw. "EDI, right? Where did you take me?"

=You wanted my help in getting Shepard to speak with you. She's through those doors.=

Wondering if her AI would plot against him in a harmful manner, and ultimately deciding it was unlikely to happen, he pressed the pad to open the doors and stepped through with a sigh. The doors slid shut behind him and he looked around when only silence greeted him. He followed the narrow pathway into the room and blinked when it opened up into a large bay a few steps inside the doorway.

Shimmering under diluted blues and greens, the flooring reflected the light from a massive fish tank built into one wall though it was curiously absent of any fish; sporting a few exotic aquarium plants instead. To his right was a rather chaotic office area; the desk cluttered with stacks of datapads, reports, crumpled sheets of paper and shattered bits of molded plastic. Above the desk was an impressive collection of model ships and the shelves extended out to hold a rack of polished Alliance medals. Frowning, he took the few steps down into a lowered area; sporting a curved sofa section that was just as cluttered as the rest of her office space; a charred and battered helmet looking odd sitting next to a strange ball of reflective metal that seemed to hover just over the surface. In the other corner was a bed with tangled sheets and blankets, the pillows crammed into one corner. Kaidan couldn't repress the faint smile as he recalled how terrible a sleeper Shepard was; all elbows, knees and regrettably sharp angles as she tossed and turned.

His smile immediately shifted into a tight lipped frown. Shit. EDI had dumped him right into Shepard's private quarters. Spinning around, he hurried back toward the doors to beat a hasty retreat before Alex found him there. Passing the office, he came to a stumbling halt when a door he hadn't seen in the wall hissed open with a cloud of steam and Shepard strode out and nearly collided with him; wearing little else but a towel wrapped about her torso and a shocked expression.

"What are you doing in my room?" Alex shrilled, eyes wide and expression one of such utter surprise that Kaidan felt his face go warm in embarrassment as he hurriedly lifted his hands in a gesture of surrender. "EDI! What is he doing in my room?"

=Commander Kaidan Alenko was not on the do-not-disturb list.= EDI sounded self-satisfied if he was any judge of it.

Shepard made a noise of disbelief and shuffled backward toward the bathroom, pinning Kaidan with a stare. Backing up a step, he could only make a noise of nervous laughter despite the fact that it would be too easy for the situation to explode. Despite his surprise and the situation, it was easy to notice she was a bit more lean than he recalled, as if she'd pared away all but what necessity would have her keep. Her entire body was marked with those pale striping marks he now recognized as the scars from the surgical procedures she'd put herself through and his nervousness was swallowed by a pang of worry he couldn't push down on fast enough.

"EDI, you artificial little busybody!" Shepard snapped angrily and held more firmly to the towel when it started to slip, shooting an arm out to jab a finger into Kaidan's chestplate. "You! Just... just stay there!" Turning with a huff of irritation, Shepard vanished back into the bathroom and the door hissed closed, leaving silence in it's wake. The sounds of her bumping around in the room came faintly through the walls; accented by Alex's ill tempered cursing.

Blowing out a breath of relief, Kaidan let his eyes scan the walls in search of EDI's port. "Thanks a lot. That could have gone a lot better."

=You wanted to talk to her,= EDI replied smugly. =This was the best way to make sure you received her attention.=

"I'm not sure I wanted it that badly." Moving away from the center of the walkway, Kaidan maneuvered himself into her office with a bland sigh, settling into the one chair near the desk as the sounds of irate battle continued from the bathroom. "I don't even know what to say now."

=Commander Alenko,= EDI began with a patient voice that seemed primed for feminine wisdom. =Sometimes it's better to listen. I thought that was something every man knew when dealing with irate females.=

"Ha. Funny."

=In this case, it will probably be a benefit to you to listen first, and plan accordingly from there.=

Kaidan was only half listening as he let his eyes wander the disaster area of her desk as he waited for her reappearance, fingers skimming over a cracked datapad here, crumpled paper there, a few odd bits of debris probably brought in from one planet or another through her tireless travels. The memory of a heat-melted stone rose through him; something she had dug from between the joints of her armor when they had made it safely off of Therum and used as a paperweight in her closet of a room back on the SR1. Following the line of the desk, he drew in a sharp breath when he found himself looking at... himself. Framed by a simple black and white chunk of plastic, the photograph wasn't official or even a casual shot; more of a candid shot likely taken from a security system on Citadel. He wondered briefly if she had hacked it out herself; wrestling it from the bits and bytes of Council space so she could have something to remember him by.

Something in his chest gave an uncomfortable twist as the picture formed in his head; Shepard slouched in her chair with a look of tired determination on her face, legs stretched out and boot heels propped against the floor, arms dangling carelessly from the chair, head tilted to catch the light and the photo reflected in her eyes...

The sharp scent of clean soap drifted over him before Shepard's arm shot past him, snatching the photograph from his hands and pulling it out of his field of vision. He spun the chair around in surprise to see Shepard staring at him; red faced in sudden embarrassment and looking oddly vulnerable for the split second of time it took before her expression shifted into a wary sort of irritation. Kaidan wasn't sure where she managed to stash the photo in that brief moment of time while his back was still turned, but it wasn't in her hands anymore. Shepard had swapped the towel for a loose shirt and uniform pants paired with scuffed black boots and an advanced looking omnitool secured about her forearm.

"Sorry for barging in." Kaidan broke the uncomfortable silence and stood to offer the chair to Shepard, who continued to eye him like some potential threat.

Rather than launch into a harangue and dress him down for invading her sanctuary, Alex lifted her shoulders in a slow shrug and moved to the far wall, leaning comfortably against the patched metal surface with her ankles crossed. "You don't need to apologize. I can only imagine that EDI thinks she's being helpful." Letting it hang for a moment, the Infiltrator turned her head to regard the digital platform anchored in the wall. "Isn't that right?" Silence met her snide inquiry, but Shepard didn't seem to expect anything different. Drawing in a breath, she turned her formidable gaze back to Kaidan and arched an eyebrow. "You don't give up."

Despite the seriousness of the situation, or perhaps because of it, Kaidan cracked a faint smile and shook his head. "No. Failure isn't an option."

"At least you have that right, if within the wrong situation." Posture tightening, Alex turned to let her gaze drift over the room before it settled back on the Alliance officer. "Still. I'm fairly certain I made myself clear when I said I wouldn't go back and puppet around for the Alliance or the Council."

"Alex, I just want to talk."

"Talk? Now you want to talk?" Hissing between clenched teeth, Alex pushed away from the wall and began to pace, looking like some particularly ferocious offshoot of humanity as she prowled the short hallway connecting the areas of her quarter's together. "Not on Horizon, when I actually had something to say to you, but now, Alenko?"

With an inward wince, Kaidan closed his eyes in a slow blink to gather his strength, turning to find Shepard watching him with hawk eyes shrouded in an electric glow. "I tried to apologize for that. You never answered my letter, Alex." And then it was her turn to grimace, shoulders hitching up in quick discomfort in an achingly familiar tell as she shuffled about for a moment.

"What was there to say?" Striding down the short hall, Shepard thumped heavily down the few stairs to pace the confines of her quarters, eyes taking in the flash of newly replaced metal side by side with the somewhat scorched panels that remained from the attack. "Would you have felt better if I told you 'I forgive you Kaidan, but now I'm going through the Omega-4 Relay to die'? I doubt that would have improved things."

"Do you forgive me?" Kaidan asked softly, following her to the top of the stairs to watch her shift in discomfort. Instead of the unease he predicted, she turned to give him an unreadable look, arms crossed over her chest to highlight the muscle sliding beneath pale skin.

"I haven't decided yet." Eyes averting, she made her sedate way toward the desk at the far side of the room, stopping to run her fingers across the surface of the scorched and blackened helmet set atop it like a trophy. It took a moment for him to register it as hers; likely retrieved along with her body off the surface of Alchera if Liara's reports were anything to go by. There was something loving about the gesture and he pushed down a shiver of unease. "What you said on Horizon can't be taken back, no matter how sincere the apology."

Knowing he should have seen this conversation coming did nothing to lessen the sudden tension that knotted his shoulders. "What did you expect me to say Shepard? You're working with Cerberus. Do I really even need to bring up all that they've done? That entire colony and Exo-Geni's mess on Feros, Nepmos' listening posts, that husk colony on Chasca? Kohaku and the rest of the horrors on Binthu?" He felt sick listing them all off, each horror another tally mark on her questionable loyalty. Or perhaps it was presence of mind he should be questioning. "My god Shepard, they were responsible for Akuze, how can you possibly let that slide?"

Even with her back to him, Kaidan noticed the clenching of her jaw and the sudden pressure of her grip going white knuckled at the edge of her desk. There was no outburst though, just a disappointed sigh as she turned to him. "And so much more that you don't know about. The Teltin Facility on Pragia, Project Overlord on Aite, the little ripple that was Trident." Rounding back through the room, she advanced on him with a suddenness that dropped him back a step. "Nothing that I haven't already heard a dozen times over. You think this was an easy decision to make? Siding with the devil was the last thing I wanted to do but they have the resources, the drive, and most importantly the desire to see this through. I do _not_ have the luxury of holding a grudge, Alenko."

"The Alliance-"

"The Alliance is up against the wall with the Council! You can't operate any further than before this all escalated. The Citadel Council will not acknowledge the Reaper threat and so there will be no help. From anyone." Pushing in to meet him eye to eye despite the few inches of height he had on her, Shepard's look was one that demanded an answer. "Tell me that the Alliance can fix this and stop the Reapers. Lie to me Alenko, and tell me it's a possibility."

Jaw clenched, he met her stare and tipped his own head back to meet her challenge, rising to the demand with a spark of anger. "Not all of us have our heads buried in the sand, Shepard, and we've been working on technology to rival what Cerberus has been kicking out for you. You think you've got the only handle on this?"

"Yes, I do." Pushing past him, Shepard jabbed an elbow onto the panel of his hardsuit with a hiss of irritation and made her way to the cluttered office space behind him. "Because you can't operate outside of whatever permissions the Council gives you, and even with Anderson pushing for this he can't do anything. He's outvoted, or you wouldn't need me."

"The Alliance can do this Shepard, but we need your help."

"The Alliance can't do this, and that is why you need my help. And I am helping, even if you don't realize it. Cerberus has what I need. Hell, if it meant getting the job done, I'd work with the Batarian Hedgemony. I can't be as picky as I like about who I accept help from, but that doesn't make me a traitor. It makes me a survivor."

The silence carried for a moment, tension rippling down spines to give the air an electric feel of anticipation. "Shepard, come back with me to the Council."

Alex blinked in surprise, turning to gauge the seriousness of his tone for a moment before she frowned. The soft, almost pleading tone of his voice hadn't been a request to go back and speak to the Council. No, that was a request for her to come back to the way things were before, working side by side with or even within the Alliance. With him. "I can't, it's as simple as that. I can't work within their narrow galactic view and the constraints they put on you. I'm not even a Spectre any more," she grumbled, tapping fingers on the desk as she leaned into it. "Which more or less makes me the biggest, baddest mercenary out here, trying to save all your asses to the tune of 'look what that conspiracy nut is doing now' and it's really getting a bit thin." The quick smile she flashed him was almost jagged in the ambient light of the fishtank across the walkway. "Good thing I have thicker skin now."

Sliding around him, she smoothly edged him toward the door, her posture taking on an aggressive edge to make her intentions clear. It was time for him to go. Meeting adjourned. "Shepard, wait," Kaidan hissed, putting a hand out to brace against the wall and lean toward her with feet firmly planted.

"No." Eyes meeting his she breathed out a soft sigh, visually forcing the tension down to at least give the surface appearance of calm. "I went to the Citadel as soon as I was able to and asked them for help. And for... for help. Anderson said I had a choice. Stay with Cerberus and get nothing, or split from Cerberus, rejoin the Alliance and get the information and help that I wanted."

"If Anderson gave you that option, why didn't you come back?" Voice carrying the weight of the past years, Kaidan tried and failed to stifle the disappointment that she hadn't. Once upon a time, the Alliance and her N7 rank had meant the world to Shepard, only eclipsed by becoming humanity's first acknowledged Spectre. "You could be on the right side of this."

"We both know how that would have worked out. It was Cerberus that brought be back and my trotting faithfully back to the Alliance and the Council would only have landed me in some windowless room in a pit of bureaucratic hell." Shepard scrubbed a hand across her bristled hair, eyes sliding away as she glowered at the floor. Anger flashed briefly over her features. "After all that I've done for them, it would have ended with me strapped to an interrogation rack as they 'debriefed' me and tried to get me to roll on an organization I was never part of. I wouldn't have gotten what I wanted, and I would have lost my chance to see this through."

Stepping into that speed-of-light quickness she'd displayed in the depths of Omega, her hands came up and pressed against his chestplate as she gave him a look of intensity. "Things can never be the same as they were before, and I'm not going to fool myself into thinking that they can. I won't have anybody giving me ultimatums or dishonest offers any more."

And then she was pushing him out of her life once more, taking advantage of his moment of surprise to get him through the door and lock it behind him. Kaidan stared at the closed panel and the glowing red lock on it for a long moment before blowing out a frustrated breath he didn't realize he'd been holding. In the encompassing silence of the small hallway chamber, he could hear the hush of movement from the other side of the metal doors, then a weary voice raised loud enough for him to hear. "Don't think too poorly of me for doing what I have to do. I'm trying to save your ass too, after all. Now get off my ship."

o-o-o-o-o-o-o

AN: Happy New Years folks! Getting excited for ME3? I know I am! Let's hope I can have this wrapped up by then.


	6. Chapter 6

OMEGA

SAHRABARIK

Kaidan tipped his head back against the wall, looking for a moment's rest after stomping around Omega with the uncomfortable feeling of rejection weighing him down. Shepard's continued dismissal had piqued him more than he wanted to admit even to himself, and though it was important to the mission that he continued to pursue her aid, it was beginning to become personal as well. Part of him was certain it would be safer to walk away, but after having lost her more than once he was determined not to let it happen again, even if she wanted little to do with him at the moment. Even if he wasn't certain he should want to have anything to do with her. The situation had been complicated to begin with and now it was getting muddled emotionally as well.

Even though he could have done with a bit more time to do some soul searching, the signal he sent crawling out into Citadel Space finally connected, the visual display spitting with static before things smoothed out and Anderson's face came into clearer view. "Commander Alenko. Your transmission is coming from Omega space. You mind telling me what's going on?"

"Councilor Anderson, this happens to be where Shepard is. So far my mission is..." He paused, considering his words.

"Ongoing, of course," Anderson finished for him.

"Yes, of course, Sir." Shifting in the cramped space, Kaidan brought up a terminal screen in his omnitool and began typing up a few notes as they spoke. "I've already spoken with her, twice actually, but so far she's not really warming up to the idea of coming back to speak with the Citadel." At his expression, Anderson allowed a slight chuckle.

"Oh, I can imagine so. We both knew this is going to be a touchy mission. The attitude between Shepard and the Council was rather tense when she last came through Citadel space."

"I was informed that the new Council has refused to speak with her, with the exception of yourself," Kaidan mused, looking up from his omnitool for a moment. Anderson arched an eyebrow and the biotic blew out a breath in response. "Ah. Of course."

"Commander, are you certain this line is secure?"

"Well Sir, this is Omega. For the right price, you can buy anything. Including privacy." Clearing his throat, Kaidan shifted again; armored shoulders scraping the cramped interior of the privacy booth. "Which brings me to the mission budget."

"If you can get Shepard back here to speak with the Council, civilly that is, I'll triple your budget and they can all swallow their complaints." The councilor rubbed fingertips along his forehead and gave his head a rueful shake. "Don't abandon your mission, Commander."

Kaidan nodded faintly and brought up some of the information Liara had given him, transmitting it through the thin signal to Anderson. "I'm sending some information to you now. I can at least prove that Shepard's not a traitor in the technical sense of things. Even though she worked alongside Cerberus, it was mostly support on a scale of finances and equipment. You can tell by some of these hacked communication transcripts that Shepard was never actually a part of-"

"Alenko, stop," Anderson interrupted though kept the flow of information coming. "Of course Shepard was never a traitor. There are a few of us who never believed she would turn her back on the Alliance, Commander. Even though your information will help to placate those who still question our decision not to bring her in immediately, Shepard's loyalties were never in question. We don't need proof of what side she's on. We only need proof of the Reapers."

Experiencing a quick twinge of guilt, Kaidan kept his head down and the information transmitting. "Sir, I shouldn't have doubted you. Or her."

"You haven't know Shepard as long as the rest of us. I mentored that girl, and more eyes than mine have tracked her since she started showing promise. I don't hold it against you for not trusting her when she came back." Anderson shrugged, glancing away at something else that caught his attention before turning back to the screen. "Hell, her coming here looking for you and the rest of her crew was enough proof for me that she hadn't turned on us."

Kaidan swallowed back his surprise. "S-Sir?" Eyes widening at the surprised look on the Commanders static-warped face, Anderson seemed to catch the slip.

"Well, damn. I was sure she would have brought that up." Drawing in a breath, Anderson grimaced. "When Shepard resurfaced, she stumbled around Omega for a few days, but came right to the Citadel in her fancy new ship. She wanted her command back. Her crew." Kaidan was sure his disbelief was showing through the cracks in his composure because Anderson's expression turned sympathetic. "This was about the time we had moved you to Horizon, Commander Alenko. When we couldn't give her what she wanted, she refused everything. We couldn't tell her where you were stationed, it was mission sensitive."

"And you couldn't tell me?" Kaidan finally managed, though he knew the answer.

"If we had confirmed that it was Alex Shepard out there, the real deal, you would have left to find her." Anderson seemed sure enough of that and Kaidan bit back the initial outburst of anger.

"I would have stuck to the mission, Sir."

"You would have been distracted. Regardless, it's in the past. I'm sorry this came up now. But you need to focus, and you need to make sure that Shepard understands how important it is that she comes back with you. If we can't convince the Council that the Reapers are a real threat that needs to be prepared for, then everything that you've all worked toward will be for nothing. Understood?"

"Understood, Sir." Kaidan sighed, offering a clipped salute before the connection dropped away.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o

AFTERLIFE

From atop her perch in the fire wreathed world that was Afterlife, Aria leaned back in her chair, arms cast wide to support the posture as she eased her body up and back in a luxurious stretch that tipped her head back atop the headrest until it looked she might slide bonelessly off the other side and into the midst of the crowd of bodies writhing on the dance floor. Eyes sharp, she finished her stretch with a rolling laugh and straightened smoothly back into a seated position, eying her company across the short distance separating the seats with a mocking smile.

"Oh, he's still following you alright."

Shepard grunted in response, pale eyes turned down as she studied the datapad in her hands. Aria knew better though, able to read the human's tells with a power of observation honed by years of leadership and deception in turn. Not only had Alex heard the comment, but was both troubled and irritated by the Alliance Marine's continued pursuit. Though if she was reading her right, Aria was also able to pick up a small hint of flustered satisfaction there too. It was delicious really; among the crew that Shepard had with her on Omega, a few of them had watched the Ex-Marine with an appraising and appreciative eye, but she'd never given them much attention. They were her crew, she was their leader. It was a position that Aria knew all too well. But Commander Alenko, seemingly both angry and edgy as he followed around his former Commander, was something entirely different.

"Just go down there already and drag him to a dark corner to get reacquainted," Aria suggested smoothly and smiled inwardly as a muscle in Shepard's tightly clenched jaw jumped. Lifting her eyes, Shepard graced the asari with a particularly scathing look that earned her a chuckle in response. "There's no shame in being human, Shepard. We all have needs."

"I don't have time to be human. Speaking of time, whats the limit on this?" Gesturing to the datapad, Alex brought her attention back to Aria even as the asari let her gaze wander back to the dance floor. Shortly after Shepard had sauntered her way into Afterlife, Staff Commander Alenko had put in an appearance as well, taking a seat at a table near enough the dance floor that he had a good view of the staircase that led to Aria's platform.

Crossing one leg over the other, Aria shifted comfortably against her seat and gave Alex a measuring look. "So long as you take care of it before you leave, or before it becomes a larger problem."

Shepard looked on the verge of a groan, setting the datapad carelessly beside her. "It's not too big a problem yet. Normally I would suggest going after the person responsible for the whole mess in the first place, but..."

"But," Aria smirked, "That would be you. Or Archangel. Either way, that's not really an option, so you need to make sure Saldis understands that he needs to stay where he is in the world. Eventually the mercenary groups you scattered will get back up to strength and Omega will settle down. In the meantime, I will not have that salarian scum grabbing up more than he can hold."

"He can't be that big a problem," Shepard sighed.

"Not yet. But eventually he will be. Saldis thinks he can take whatever he wants around here without paying dues. If he keeps it up, more people will come flocking to his side to carve out a portion of what does not belong to them." Aria's eyes fired with indignation. "I guess he thinks I must be going soft, so we need to correct that assumption."

"You mean I need to correct it."

"Exactly. You were the one who caused this mess, Shepard," Aria continued, leaning in to fix Alex with a pointed look. "So it's only fair that you clean it up. All the particulars are on that datapad, but I think by now, you're familiar with how Omega operates. Just make sure the job gets done."

Nodding her assent, Shepard gathered herself to her feet and shifted in the unfamiliar set of body armor she'd set herself up with; something to blend better with Omega's surroundings. Scorched in some places, cracked in others, she'd reinforced it along the interior to strengthen it though left the beaten exterior looking shabby. Looking like a mercenary with poor luck. "Well, out of all my friends in low places, you are the best. I'll be back once I have your problem solved."

"Oh, and Shepard." Aria called out as Alex moved to the stairs, her sharp features tipping into a sly smile. "Dark corners serve many purposes." Gesturing to the hunched figure of Commander Alenko at a table near the dance floor, the asari laughed at Shepard's soured expression. "Honestly though, Shepard. Never throw away allies or friends when you might still need them."

"I'll take that into consideration." Shepard forced her mind away from it, tried to stay focused despite the fact that she'd clearly seen Kaidan in the crowd when she'd taken a seat next to Aria at her "throne". She'd had worse looking shadows, but it was beginning to drive her to distraction. Joker had been nonplussed when he admitted to letting Kaidan aboard the _Normandy, _citing a need to catch up with old friends and just ignoring her spluttering anger. When she had finally stomped off to answer Aria's calls, she wasn't sure when the biotic had started shadowing her but it had taken a few corners before that itch in the middle of her shoulders had prompted her to look back. And there he had been; shiny Alliance armor swapped out for some blaster scorched secondhand gear that had almost made him invisible in the crowd. Shepard had simply told herself she'd always had a blind spot for the biotic and moved on. The former Commander had appointments to keep and it never served to keep Aria waiting.

"No worries Shepard, this should be a walk in the park for you."

Angling toward the stairway, Alex made an irate grunt in response. "Why is it than when people say that, things always turn out harder than I'd planned for?"

o-o-o-o-o-o-o

The depths of Omega were nothing that Shepard felt was necessary to worry about. She'd wandered their crumbling depths before; a city carved out by survivors where if you didn't have a spine of steel, you wouldn't make it for long. While her spacer roots made it difficult to imagine living in Omega, there were others that embraced it as a freedom worth suffering for. As long as you were strong, you could survive. And really, she had to at least appreciate that.

Hollowed out hallways stretched before her, nothing new that she hadn't walked before. Garrus knew the city inside and out and while she briefly wished she had him at her side, this was a mission she was expected to handle solo and she felt more than able to meet that challenge. The upgrades had left her feeling so far beyond her former capabilities that she knew she was going to have reign herself in at some point or risk burning out. But there was power surging below the surface of her skin, an electric high that bustled from synapse to synapse and it demanded to be used. The feeling left her jittery and tightly wound, hitting her with complex feelings of nausea and heartburn from time to time, but Doc Chakwas and Mordin had assured her that the "break in" period would smooth out in time. She prayed that period would come soon because when she wasn't riding on almost drug-like high, she was in pain from her heavily woven skin to the marrow of her latticework bones.

In the meantime, she could see and hear everything. From the dust bunnies lurking in the darkest corners of Omega's neglected hallways and the details of the stitching and fastening in armor and clothing that people were wearing a good hundred yards away. If she strained her ears, she could hear nervous chatter like it was being whispered into her ear. Could almost swear she could hear the sounds of Omega straining at the seams. Her much improved sense of smell was a burden here though and Shepard was aware she was moving in stop and start rounds of movement at each olfactory assault. Maybe the geniuses on the ship could tone that down. Nose wrinkling, she came to another halt and spat off to the side. Tone it down a lot.

Even Omega's terrible smells couldn't deter her though and she moved with a casual ease through the open spaces of Omega's lower levels with a certain calm. Aria could have called upon her for any number of challenges to accomplish, so it seemed almost a disappointment that what she had hoped to use as a further test for her newest set of upgrades was going to be little more than a bout of political flexing. Though flexing of any sort on Omega usually demanded the involvement of weaponry.

Shepard lengthened her stride into an easy, intimidating walk that she had perfected somewhere in the ranks of command, moving into the meeting area with an air of certainty. Opposite the doorway she entered was a pale colored Salarian, suited out in bulky armor that was pock marked and scarred with signs of combat. He was flanked by a pair of foot soldiers; a human on one side and a second salarian on the other. Already, things were deviating from the plan that Aria had put forth.

"I'm supposed to be meeting Aria," the leader pointed out unnecessarily. They all knew that Omega's leader wouldn't show up personally for a meeting with a problematic faction.

"What you were supposed to do was come alone," Shepard countered smoothly, coming to a halt and adjusting her stance into a stable position. Beneath her skin, her muscles almost ached for action. The salarian offered a quick, condescending grin. "So let's just get this meeting over with shall we, Saldis?"

"Suits me fine, I'm a busy man." Saldis gestured her along as if he had more important things to do and Shepard found herself pulling back hard on the sudden impulse to just bury an accelerated sliver of ammunition in his squishy little head. It would probably save them both some time considering that a gangster would only show up for a solo meet with backup if he was planning on turning it into a bloodbath. He knew it, she knew it, but her saving grace was that they had no idea who she was and so no idea what they were up against. Aria's reasoning for sending her to do this was becoming clearer.

"Here's what Aria expects of you then," Shepard said, shifting her body to present a narrower target. "You back off, stick to the sub-levels like you have been before and stop trying to move in on claimed territory."

Saldis made a show of consideration before speaking up, dark eyes glinting where they were framed by dark, slashed markings on his skin. "No. Those so called 'claimed territories' have been sitting for months, so I have every right to move in on them. I'm not backing off." He signaled his henchmen with a careless move and reached for his weapon. Even anticipating the movement, Shepard felt adrenaline sing through her system and reached for her own weapon, hand slipping to her sidearm with so little resistance it seemed like the opposition was moving through heavier gravity than she was.

And then before she could even sight on them, the salarian to Saldis' side was flung through the air, limbs twitching when he slammed against the far wall and stuck there. Blinking in surprise, Shepard could only stare for a moment while the other two thugs across the way balked as well.

"She has backup!" The human shouted, and pushed Saldis through a shadowed hallway behind them; a passage she had tagged as a potential escape route but had no way to prevent. The whole fiasco had lasted only seconds, and Shepard fired an irritated shot down the hall after Saldis as the pinned salarian whined out a pained noise of confusion.

Shepard stalked toward the salarian with a sigh. None of her crew would have followed her out here, she'd given them directions to keep getting the ship ready and each had a part to play in getting the _Normandy _ space worthy once more. Of all the people in Omega that she had helped either purposefully or inadvertently, none of them would have dreamed follow her into the pit like and dangerous lower levels of Omega to help her when none of them could have helped themselves in the first place. Aria wouldn't have sent backup after her, not after making it explicitly clear that it was a solo meeting, so that left only one other person who would have come trailing her into the danger and dark to make sure she stayed in one piece.

"Well Alenko, I have to admit; that was a nice entrance."

The biotic stepped from cover with a flat look of disapproval, one arm still extended to keep the salarian trapped. "What is it with you taking stupid risks, Alex?"

"It's not a risk if you know what to expect. Of course it was a setup," Shepard growled as she holstered the slim Phalanx pistol at her hip. "I've been working in the Terminus systems long enough to know that you can't trust anybody out here." Waving off her unexpected backup, she moved to face the salarian. "So, where did your boss go?"

"Screw you, Human," the salarian winced, struggling to free himself though only succeeding in rapping his skull against the wall he had become unexpectedly friendly with.

"Tell me, or that slab of wall is going to be your only friend for a long time. Nobody comes down here enough that they'll notice you. And when they do? Well," Shepard chuckled, a sound of dark malice that sent a shiver up Kaidan's spine. "Who knows if they'll be friendlies or not."

"Go to hell." The salarian sighed, seemingly resolved to his fate. "Saldis would shoot me for sure if I ratted him out. Anybody else comes along, they mightshoot me. Might not. I'll take my chances."

Ignoring Kaidan, Shepard dragged an old, rusted drum to where the salarian stood and climbed atop it, putting her level with him. "Have it your way." Turning to Kaidan, she rummaged around in her pocket for a moment and came out with a slim tube in one hand. "Hold him steady, would you?"

"Alex," Kaidan started, but was silenced with a stern look. The helpless salarian wasn't the only stubborn fighter in the area. The tube flashed into life at one end and Kaidan watched in a sort of grim fascination as it seemed to be a low-power torch. He wondered why Shepard would be carrying something like that around, but had to admit it seemed to serve at least one purpose well; and the salarian was forced to hang in a state of solid suspension while she welded the softer fastenings of his armor to the metal of the wall. He graced them both with a creative litany of curses and insults as she worked but nothing seemed to slow her down and in little time, the hallway had a new, surly decorative piece.

"Last chance," She offered, hopping down from the barrel and giving the salarian a considering look.

His blistering response followed them as Shepard ducked down the hallway Saldis had fled through. Grudgingly, Kaidan followed. Shepard didn't seem particularly surprised at his decision, or even angry that he would follow her, but she didn't spare him a look either and her postured remained as stiff as ever.

"So what brings you down to these parts? The scenic beauty?" Moving through the red tinted light, Shepard didn't even spare a backward look at the biotic.

"Let's stop playing these games, alright?" Kaidan responded wearily and rechecked his rifle and sidearm, unfamiliar with the way they hung on the strange, secondhand armor. But the set of armor Shepard was strapped into was also a far cry from the high quality fare that Cerberus had supplied her with. Like him, she was probably just trying to keep a low profile. "You know why I'm here and that I can be just as stubborn as you can. I know you're going to try and outwit me or out-stubborn me, but it won't work either. So why don't we just compromise?"

"Oh, Alenko," Shepard sighed, almost amused. "I don't have to outlast you. As soon as _The Normandy_ is repaired, I'm leaving Omega behind. There's too much at stake to be taking a long vacation." Though they were moving at a fairly quick pace, Shepard made barely any noise as they navigated the halls, peering down branching stretches and dead ends with an impassive eye. He felt like a clumsy elcor in comparison, boots kicking up noise that sounded well over the mechanical noise of Omega. She _had_ been an infiltrator, he reminded himself, used to this sort of thing and well versed in covert operations.

"So this is what, a diversion? Hunting some dangerous, Omega gang leader through the lower levels?" Sarcasm practically dripping, he trailed after her almost instinctively. Working with Shepard had always been easy; she was a natural leader. Even when she wasn't trying to be.

"Just paying off a debt." Stopping in the enclosed space between another branching lane, she looked back as he made a snort of disbelief and arched an eyebrow. "Things work differently in the Terminus, Alenko." He ground his teeth, wondering if she would relent at some point and at least call him Kaidan again. "Aria and I are on good terms, but that wouldn't earn me complete protection from all that Omega has to offer. Aria has been keeping people off my back; people looking for trouble, prestige or a whatever else they can claim off my crippled ship and wounded crew. So I owe her." Head tipping, she considered the path that cut away from the main hallway for a long moment and finally kept moving along the same inroad they had been following, past piles of scrap metal and garbage. "She called me out to repay her, and here I am. Hunting that slimy little scuzz through Omega like a vorcha."

"You can't be serious."

"What do you want me to do?" Shepard turned on him, giving him a sharp shove that sent him scrambling back when he nearly tripped on a pile of metal. Something ground into a squelching mess beneath his heel when he stepped down on it and he hopped another foot back with a curse. "There are no rules out here, you do what you have to in order to survive and that usually means a careful tally of who owes you, and who you can call on. Aria is the most dangerous thing out here. If you owe Aria something, you're in pretty good shape because she's not going to let somebody blow you up if she can get some use out of you. But if she wants you to pay up and you refuse, that's just bad news." Alex stopped again, pausing to consider another branching section of hallway. "She could go from benefactor to enemy in no time. My ship and crew wouldn't last long against the full fury of an asari in her position. You think Benezia had veins full of ice? Try Aria on a bad day."

Rubbing a smear of grease from his shoulder where it had glanced off the humidity-damp wall, Kaidan continued on after her as Shepard turned down another corner, leading them into a wide open area that had them both checking for snipers and ambush before they scaled a thin column of stairs and found themselves in another straight, rambling hall.

"It's different out here." Shepard repeated, almost to herself. Casting a look over her shoulder, she gave him a look that seemed to ask for some sort of understanding. "You live or die by your own. All I ever knew before this was the Alliance. Born and raised and I thought I knew it all. The real world is a bit meaner than we all think it is, even encountering slavers, pirates and the like."

"Okay." Kaidan met her eyes for a moment before she turned away and back to trailing her quarry. "Alex," He paused when she gave him an irate grunt in response. "Will you at least explain to me why you won't come back?"

Turning as she walked on, Shepard gave him a disapproving look from beneath lowered brows. "I already told you why."

"Alex, I know you. I've worked with you before, and I know you have something more important going on than just not wanting to have to face the new Council." Trying to squeeze every ounce of encouragement into his voice that he could manage, he pressed her. "Just tell me why."

Shepard sighed and came to a stop, glancing along the empty hallway before taking a seat on an upturned crate stacked haphazardly atop its fellows. "You make it sound so easy." Closing her eyes, she let her head fall back against the grime of the wall, then grimaced and pulled it forward again. "I'm not going back, because it's better for everybody involved if I just stay out here for now."

"We need you to come back to explain this threat to the Council, and you say its better that you don't? How does that make sense?"

"Look at me, Alenko. And try to think of this objectively. If I go back there and try to keep pushing this, they will look at my most recent history and use that as proof that I can't be believed. If I stay out here, act like a good little girl and obey them, things will be far, far better. They don't want to see me, hear me, talk to me, anything. Can you blame them though? It was my call to let their predecessors die." Getting back to her feet, Shepard started back on the path. "I left a lot of damage behind me in pursuit of Saren. I'm not saying it's wrong, but it did happen. And I did it again when I was trying to get through the Omega relay, not to mention working with Cerberus. Justifiable only if people believe in Collectors and Reapers. If they don't, it's all too easy to pass it off as some crazy woman's obsession." Her quick laugh was a bitter one. "You know about Reapers, and you know first hand about Collectors, but your snap decision was still to believe I was a traitor and a liar."

"Alex," Kaidan began but she stopped him with a shake of her head.

"I don't blame you anymore. It had been two years for you." Sighing, she pushed onward, rounding another corner in pursuit of her target, as single minded as ever. "I can see things from your position, I really can. I just ask that you try and see things from mine for a moment." Turning, she gave him a grim smile. "It had been two years since you'd last seen me. It had only been a week or so since I'd seen you."

Kaidan grimaced in response as guilt ran through him. Anderson had more or less told him point blank that Alex had come looking for him, and when he had turned her regretfully away, she had gone back to scouring the universe for a solution but still keeping an eye out. She had been looking for him since waking up, and when had finally found him, he had turned it into a bitter situation.

"We all make mistakes. Don't dwell on it," she offered sympathetically though there was still a hard twist to her words. The hallway had opened into another larger area, the remains of seating and old, charred concrete boxes hinting that at one point it may have been a community area, somewhere to sit and gather for conversation. It had seen far, far better days. Shepard moved easily around the old rubble and stopped, cocking her head to listen for a hint of where the salarian may have fled to. The light gleamed off the pale tracing of scars, highlighting the dark ink of the bullseye tattoo at her throat.

"And all this prototype surgery?" Kaidan could tell his sudden words in the silence startled Shepard even though she didn't so much as twitch, her lack of reaction a far better tell.

"I have to use every advantage that comes my way." Moving farther into the open area, she turned and regarded him; still in the half shadows of the stunted hallway and it's shattered lighting. "I can see you like I'm standing next to you. Can hear you breathe. I can out-maneuver you, out-run you, out-shoot you. Not just you, but anybody who might come up against me. I will take _every_ advantage afforded me to win this." Shepard gloated from beneath a smattering of pale lights still clinging to their ceiling cases. "I'm harder to injure and I heal faster too."

"Was it worth the risk?" Kaidan questioned as he trailed after her, noting the wry twist of her lips as she turned to face him.

"What risk?" Coming to a slow stop, she gave him a sharp smile in response to his obvious irritation. "I'm already dead."

"Shepard-"

"Don't 'Shepard' me, Alenko. I'm living on borrowed time, you know. Already dead, given a second chance and now I'm just making sure I put it to the best use possible. I've already died, so now I just have to live long enough to see this through. When you've seen what I've seen, you begin to take the end of the known, advanced universe seriously." Running a hand along her head, she traced fingertips to the back of an ear and gave him a cool, calculating look that made him think of some of the trainers at BaAt. "I will do whatever is necessary to complete my mission. Like you said; Failure is not an option."

"I didn't mean it like that, Alex. Will you stop and _think_ for just one-"

It was as far as he got before Shepard slammed into him, taking them both to the ground in a painful tackle that knocked the breath out of him. He tried to push her off before her inevitable attack came but she snagged him by the chestplate of his armor and rolled them behind the hump of a shattered concrete box. When they came to a crunching halt, he was able to hear the rounds chasing after them, skipping along the metal ground plating. They'd found Saldis it seemed, but he had spotted them first. "Well that was close!" Shepard almost laughed, a fierce light glowing behind her eyes.

And then her weight was off him, leaving him to catch his breath in the silence between gunshots. But he was far from inexperienced in combat and crouched low to the box, edging out from cover until he attracted gunfire once more. The muzzle flash of the enemies weaponry made it easier to see where they were firing from and with a smirk he realized that their quarry had separated themselves, trying to create an effective ambush by spacing themselves out. It would have worked if they were facing some inexperienced lackeys but not with a pair of trained Alliance Marine Commanders.

"Shepard!" Kaidan twisted around and settled himself into a good firing position.

"To your right!"

He popped up, focusing in on the left where he could see muzzle flashes near the ground and laid down a quick succession of fire before he was forced to pull back as the other one sighted in on him. The fire stopped after a moment with a guttural cry of pain. Enemy down. The fire shifted once more as Kaidan's target attempted to take out Shepard; a dark streak of movement heading toward his position. There was little cover in that section though, and rising with a twist of his arm and a well practiced mnemonic, Kaidan let the wash of biotic energy wash through him and targeted it at the enemy. A wave of released energy tore across the floor, leaping the stone barrier and the ensuing shockwave threw the would-be sniper from his cover and nearly atop Shepard's boots.

A quick, vicious kick to the man's jaw solved any further problems and Alex gave a derisive sniff as she grabbed the unconscious thug by the collar of his armor and hauled him from behind cover with a seemingly effortless throw of her arm. Kaidan stood and brushed the grime from his scraped armor as she retrieved the salarian as well, disarming him and dragging the wounded alien to where his friend was slowly coming to.

"You should know better than to mess with Aria. Then to just throw away what she so graciously offered to let you keep." Even without the poor lighting and grim background, Alex looked dangerous, her serious expression the nearest thing to judgement that the two would see. Kaidan calmed the slight jitter in his nerves as she kicked their weapons into the shadows and unslung the rifle at her back. Shepard had always enjoyed playing a hard stance; trouble makers, smugglers, and pirates understood a rifle barrel leveled at their faces better than a recitation of Citadel Space laws. But there was something different about the way she was handling herself here in the depths of Omega and he was having a hard time attributing it to the fact they were operating in a more lawless section of space.

In short order, she had Saldis and his remaining human trooper kneeling in the grime, Kaidan positioned behind her and off to the side as she read them the riot act, rifle returning to their direction as punctuation. Saldis seemed to have deflated once he realized there would be no easy out and the two humans had bested them. There was no shame in it, Kaidan supposed, to be beaten by some of the best.

"Just get it over with." Saldis commanded imperiously considering his position, narrowing his eyes at Shepard as she considered the two captives.

With a shrug, Shepard leveled the rifle back at Saldis' kneeling form.

"Don't!" Kaidan's cry was drowned out by the report of the rifle, Saldis' head taken clean off his shoulders by the force of the shot in such close quarters. Green gore splattered the ground and even the lower portions of Shepard's armor. Without skipping a beat, the rifle twitched in the human's direction and before the henchman could refuse, the red of his human blood had joined that of his employer. "Alex, what are you doing?"

The Ex-Spectre didn't respond at first, ejecting the partially used clip and slinging her rifle back into place before turning and heading back the way them came. Expression carefully blank, she paused and returned Kaidan's shocked look with one an unreadable one. "Are you coming? I won't leave you to rot down here with them."

"They were unarmed, at your mercy and you... what the hell happened to you?"

Without a trace of remorse, she lifted a shoulder and spared a glance for the cooling corpses in the grimy surroundings. "Everybody changes in two years. I'm just playing catchup to the rest of you."

o-o-o-o-o-o-o

"It needed to be done."

Trudging through the grit of lower Omega had seemed a far longer journey in silence, Kaidan's mind taken up with a desperate explanation to the cold blooded murder he'd witnessed. Shepard had killed people before in situations where it had been called for; where the opposition left them no choice but to kill or be killed. When it come to a situation like the one he had just witnessed, she would have secured and dealt with the problem in a by-the-rules method. While the two she had killed had hardly been innocents and had even initiated the firefight, they were unarmed and kneeling when she had chosen to execute them. _Execute _ them. It went against what he knew of the woman he was following back to the surface. Kaidan's gut tightened at the thought and he returned the cautious look she had cast him with a glare.

"Don't make excuses Shepard."

Shrugging, she gestured to the dark surroundings they were trudging through. "Omega operates about as you would expect. Aria is the top dog on a planet of wolves and jackals. She maintains control by being the biggest, meanest force with the farthest reaching grasp. Below her were the top three mercenary groups, and generally they all worked well and independently of one another." Pausing to give him room to ask questions, Shepard let the silence stretch; filled with Kaidan's disappointment and ire. "It's partially my fault that this all came about. The Blood Pack, Blue Suns and Eclipse troops here in Omega banded up to take out a vigilante and in the end we wiped them out."

The silence stretched between them again as they navigated a heaped collection of scrap metal. "At it's foundation, Omega is all about distribution of power. When the commanders of the mercenary groups were wiped out, there was a lot of infighting that took place and they still haven't settled the command structure and gotten back on their feet and into their territories. I doubt the Blue Suns will be back to full power and control any time soon though."

Kaidan sighed at the cue made by her silence. "And why would that be? Kill them all off?" His sarcasm was met with a faint chuckle.

"Just the leadership." For whatever reason, she seemed proud of the bodycount she had tallied here and throughout the rest of the universe. "Either way, it left a power vacuum and every little thug and small time gang who has been wanting power is reaching to fill those shoes. The thing is, unless they play by Aria's rules, they won't make it into any kind of power."

"If this place is as lawless as you keep repeating, then why does it matter?"

"People have established lives here, Alenko. This place is a pit, and a danger. You would have to be crazy to want to live here, but people have actually carved out lives here and are happy living them. By keeping the power structure stable, these people's lives can be kept stable." Point finally coming to light, Shepard glanced over her shoulder at him as they edged into another hallway, leaving behind a darker element and the collection of trash and scrap that decorated the danger areas. "People have a right to live where they want to, however bizarre their choice might be."

"Damnit Shepard, people have a right to _live_, period!" Kaidan snapped at her back.

"I agree. But sometimes you cant show mercy. Sometimes you have to make that hard choice." Pausing in their walk, she turned to face him, hip cocked and arms folded. "This is one of the reasons it's best that I stay here in Terminus Space. These are the things that have to be done on a galactic scale to make sure we all survive, and the Alliance can't be the ones to do it."

"And you're going to be that person?" Kaidan was appalled at the idea that all of this was one big lesson. Two dead and one stuck a wall somewhere all for the sake of making him understand her position.

"Yes. I can. I'm a traitor, remember? Nobody would expect anything less." Turning her back to him once more, they made the rest of the trip back in relative silence, Shepard showing zero remorse in her actions while Kaidan attempted to justify them to himself. It wasn't that she had killed a pair of thugs, thugs that had attacked them first. It was that she had disarmed and executed them without so much as batting an eye or suffering a moment of indecision.

When they finally broke into familiar territory, Shepard stopped to fix him with a resulote and unflinching look. "I do what you can't. Where I go, Alenko, you can't follow." Her piece said, she turned and kept moving toward Afterlife, Kaidan hanging back until she was beyond his ability to reach; either physically or vocally. He was beginning to understand what Joker and the rest of the crew had been so concerned about. Shepard had always completed missions, but never at the cost of her own morals or ideals.. Now it seemed she had abandoned them completely.

Watching her vanish into the crowd, Kaidan clenched his jaw and leaned back against a wall. His omnitool beeped an alert as his communication channel came live. He glanced down, eyebrow arching as Joker's identification filtered across the screen. Opening the channel, he sighed.

"Joker, go ahead."

"You look down, so I hate to be the bearer of more bad news." Joker grimaced and angled his own omnitool toward the ship's status display. "Repairs are nearly complete here in _The Normandy_ Kaidan. You've got about two days until we're gone."

o-o-o-o-o

AN: Sorry for the long delay on getting this chapter out there. I had a lot of trouble writing it because there's always that concern; how do you write 'crazy' well? Not that Shep's foaming at the mouth or reciting poetry, but it's a more subtle slide.


	7. Chapter 7

OMEGA

SAHRABARIK SYSTEM

Stretched out beneath the dead light of the infirmary, Shepard listened to the hum of electronics all around her and attempted to pull her awareness away from the bone deep ache that she had woken to that morning. It had started dull but progressed ruthlessly until she had finally relented and stiffly made her way to Doctor Chakwas' office in the Medical Bay, collapsing atop one of the infirmary beds with a groan while the doctor looked on in alarm. Still, the matronly looking woman had recovered in a snap and set about determining what was wrong without much prompting.

"I don't know why you push yourself so hard, Alex," Chakwas admonished as she moved about the room, putting away the collection of instruments that she had been using to take scans and readings.

"If I don't, who will?" Shepard winced, blowing out a breath and trying her hardest to relax. Her muscles were wound so tight they felt ready to burst free of her skin. Voice strained, she projected loud enough to get Chakwas' complete attention."Can you just do me a favor and make the pain _stop_?"

Bustling about, the doctor moved to the medicine cabinet and keyed in the codes to open it, taking out a small collection of bottles and getting to work. "While I still think you were too hasty in utilizing all that experimental technology on yourself, and in yourself, its turning out to be a good thing that we did this all at once. That is why you're in so much pain, but it's also why you're also alive."

"What?" Alex lifted her head slightly to watch as Chakwas began blending a few of the bottles and retrieved a wicked looking syringe. The price of not listening,she supposed.

"You're in pain because your body is undergoing extreme changes. Your muscles have an incredible amount of strength woven into them and it's a good thing we managed to latticework your bones at the same time, because if we hadn't your body would be pulling itself apart. It's already trying. I'm sorry to say that this is going to be a side effect until everything settles into balance once more." Drawing the liquid into the syringe, Chakwas gave it a critical look. "We should have done more research."

"We didn't have the time." Pushing herself into a sitting position despite the sharp pull of pain that went through her like lightning, Alex let her head hang for a moment as she recovered. "Still don't. Just... just give me whatever is in that bottle."

Sighing her frustration, Chakwas rounded the edge of the bed and pushed the sleeve of Alex's rumpled shirt higher on her shoulder. "Every action has consequences Alex. Even if we don't see them at the moment we make that action, they do. But you're still the same stubborn young woman I've known for years. Honestly, sometimes you're worse than Jeff." Jabbing the needle downward, she made a sudden noise of distress and Alex swung her head to see.

The formidable looking needle had looked capable enough to pierce steel and Alex had first imagined that Doc Chakwas had chosen it as some form of continued punishment but now she wondered at that. Crimped at a point of stress and bent at a degree so it lay alongside her skin rather than inside it, the needle had lost the battle against her synthetic skin weave and Alex felt a small laugh boil up to the surface up at the ridiculous sight. When Chakwas gave her a sharp and worried look, the laughter grew until it edged uncomfortably into hysteria.

"Alex Shepard." The stern, commanding tone of Chakwas' voice didn't even help and Alex doubled over as the laughter sent pain lancing through her, finally managing to focus on that and reign herself back in, laughter turning into helpless wheezing as Chakwas traded out needles and remixed the compound. Advancing on her once more, the doctor sighed and grabbed her hand, twisting it over until the bullseye in the crook of her elbow was exposed to the light. And to the needle. "You are utterly impossible." Sighing, she guided the needle home and finished the injection. They had taken her thicker skin into consideration during the operation and though both Doctor Chakwas and Mordin had been almost appalled at the choice of the bullseye, Shepard had insisted upon the tattoos as a way to pinpoint where the skin had been left thin enough for medigel injections. That Doctor Chakwas had forgotten only meant that nobody had really adjusted or even considered that Alex was so different these days.

"That's a pretty powerful muscle relaxant, so I imagine that you'll be feeling better shortly. We're not sure how fast your system will metabolize this, so why don't you stay here for a while and get some rest? There's time enough for that."

"I have another fight though." Alex felt the relaxants working, loosening the hard clench of pain into something manageable. "Tomorrow. Then we go. I have to make plans."

"Listen to me, Alex Shepard. Sit there and stay there. You've been rush, rush, rushing for long enough and this isn't me asking you as a favor to a friend." Chakwas leaned in close and Alex tipped her head away with a surprised blink at the tone of command in her words. "I am your Doctor, and I outrank you in any and all circumstances that deal with your personal well being. You will not leave this bay until I say you are ready." And to drive the point home, she crossed to her desk and engaged the locks on the door with a smile. "I _will_ tranquilize you."

"Okay," Alex shifted, leaning back into the tilt of the bed. "I think I can spare some time."

"And throwing yourself into those pitfights." Chakwas glowered. "I don't know what you're trying to prove."

"I'm trying to prove that all these upgrades work."

"We both know better than that."

Alex shut her mouth with a click of teeth and glowered. "Regardless, we need to leave Omega. Soon."

Turning the syringe with the bent needle in her hands, Chakwas frowned. "We all know the risks of what we face, but we don't have any solid leads right now, Shepard. Why rush us out of here so quickly?"

"Even if we don't have leads, we still have needs." Alex settled herself back, kicking her feet up as the relaxant soothed her down to a level of comfort she hadn't known for years. Since before being spaced and resurrected. "Miranda tells me that Cerberus is working on something big. She has a few connections she's still able to tap so we know that much. It could be weaponry or armor, something we can use that they've already engineered from Collector technology." Shrugging, she let her glance linger on the ceiling. "The Illusive Man isn't on speaking terms with me right now, but he's after all sorts of resources. Eezo, Palladium... you name it. He's reaching far and wide for those minerals, which leads me to believe that he's got something he's not sharing."

Tossing the damaged syringe into the waste bin, Chakwas moved to her desk. "I still don't trust him."

"Neither do I. But we need whatever edge we can get. Liara has a lot of information on mineral rich planets and moons and if I can scrounge up enough minerals to tempt him, I think that The Illusive Man might overcome his bad mood and throw me a bone."

"Is that the only reason you want to get out of Omega so quickly?" There was a sly tease in Chakwas' voice and Shepard sat up to look at her over the edge of the doctor's data monitor.

"What do..." Alex stopped, frowned. "Not you too."

"I saw Kaidan when he came through here. Is he what you're trying so hard to avoid?"

Rather than brush it off, Chakwas had known Kaidan Alenko longer than Shepard herself did, Alex approached the subject cautiously. "Anderson sent him to drag me back to the Council and try to get them to believe the threat is coming. All that data I sent them from the Collector Ship should be enough that I don't need to be involved." Well aware that she was sounding more sulky than commanding, Shepard cleared her throat and sat a little straighter on the edge of the infirmary bed, scooting forward until her boots rest firmly on the ground.

"Is that the only reason?"

"That's the most important reason. He's very persistent." Blowing out a breath, she wallowed in the relief that came with the lack of pain. "I'm not the Council's favorite person, Doc. They're going to fight whatever I say simply on principle. Nobody believed me then, why would they believe me now that I've been running around with Cerberus? I don't have the time to waste trying to convince them." Her hand came up as Chakwas opened her mouth again. "And yes. Yes. I still... Kaidan's still... I don't know what to say. I'm trying hard to bury what I feel for him, because he's a good guy, Doc, and loyal to his core." Closing her eyes, she lifted her shoulders in a pained shrug. "The last thing he needs is to be involved with me right now. Just one more thing I don't have the luxury of time to figure out."

"Love really is wasted on the young. What about what Kaidan wants?"

Eyes popping open, Alex let out a hissing breath. "Kaidan wants to accomplis his mission, and Anderson was wrong for sending him. For one thing, I won't let myself be swayed by what _was_ between us and for another, I don't think that Anderson realizes that Commander Kaidan Alenko hates my technologically advanced guts for working with Cerberus. And leaving him hanging for two years," she finished sourly. Paused. "He believes me about that now though."

Rather than brush off her concerns, Chakwas rose and moved to sit on the bed next to Shepard, leaning in until their shoulders touched in a moving show of solidarity that reminded her somewhat of her mother. Shepard was still human enough to admit that it moved her. A little. "Life is never going to be easy, particularly in these times we face now. You have already managed remarkable things, Shepard. In time, you'll be able to handle this as well." Giving her a nudge, Chakwas rose and returned to her desk and the data waiting for her. "In the meantime, we're both products and children of the Alliance Navy and Marines, no matter where our loyalties may be at the moment we will always be true to that background. I know you're angry and feel they turned their back on you."

"They did."

"Only because they were left no other choice. Like it or not, we work with an organization that is largely considered a terrorist group. But I know you possess a very deep sense of duty and loyalty as well, even if you have been trying to distance yourself from it lately. You want to help the Alliance and you want to help Kaidan, if not the Council. I'm sure you can find a way to satisfy yourself and get them what they need to convince the Council that the Reapers are a real threat."

Somewhat encouraged not only by Chakwas' faith in her but also the relief from pain, Shepard pushed herself to her feet and corrected the slight wobble in her legs as she stood. "And that's why my team is the absolute best, I guess. You all believe in me. It's a bit scary sometimes."

"We trust you Shepard. To lead us, to do the right thing." Smiling slightly, the doctor stood, laying her hands on Shepard's shoulders. "You are a strong, capable woman who knows what she wants and is not afraid to go after it. And while that might lead you down some concerning paths, it's a good thing. Remember that... a very good thing."

"I'll try. That's the best I can promise."

"That's all that I ask."

Feeling better in body and a bit more balanced in mind, Shepard left the Med Bay and considered her options. It hadn't been that long ago that she had told Kaidan that she didn't have the luxury of holding a grudge, so it was time to live up to that claim. To set aside ill will and anger and take another shot at convincing the galaxy that the end was near.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o

After what had happened in the depths of Omega, Kaidan hadn't been expecting to hear from the _Normandy_ so soon. Joker's warning in mind, he had fully intended to try and get back in contact with Councilor Anderson and try to convince him the whole thing was a wash. Not one to admit to failure, he was loathing the idea that this mission that carried such professional and yes, personal, importance might be the one to make him cry Uncle. Maybe he just needed to convince Anderson to send somebody else. It was too personal. He was too close to it all. Before he could cement his plans though, Joker had sent him another message telling him to come swing by the ship for reasons unknown. As cryptic as the invitation was, he decided to take advantage of it and see if he could get Joker to play along and call the _Normandy_ grounded for at least another day so Kaidan could at least try and figure things out.

Omega's layout was beginning to become familiar beyond the routes to and from the docking bays that he had memorized and he found himself in front of the _Normandy_ in record time; looking sleek and capable in the low light of the dry dock as repairs were completed.

=Hello Commander Alenko,= EDI greeted as he approached and the entry opened smoothly. =You are expected.=

"Ah. Thank you, EDI." He moved from the entryway and made a beeline for the pilot's chair, Joker waiting for him with a measuring look.

"Before you say anything." he began, tugging the bill of his cap with a frown. "I wasn't the one who wanted you to come back down here. Shepard wanted to talk to you and told me to give you the call."

"Shepard wants to talk all of the sudden?" Kaidan frowned, wondering what might be in store for him now.

"Yeah. But for once, I think this might be good news. She's all set up in the conference area, so EDI can show you the way." Joker waited a moment and Kaidan turned away, headed back toward the CIC when the pilot called out. "Hey. I don't know what happened down there in Omega, but thanks for getting her back in one piece. Shepard's tough, I know. We all know. But she's not as invincible as she thinks."

"Yeah, I know. No problem." Still frowning, and far more uncertain than he was a moment before, Kaidan followed the helpfully lit path through the CIC, adhering to EDI's instruction as the AI guided him around the CIC and into what must have been the lab area, where a harried looking Salarian looked up from his work long enough to grace Kaidan with a quick once over before deciding the strange Marine was no threat. Putting the lab behind him through another door, he finally came to the conference room and felt himself tense when the doors hissed shut behind him, leaving him on the other side of a large table from Alex Shepard herself; looking calm and composed in a uniform that carried vague echoes of the old style of the Alliance Marine duty uniform.

The silence in the room stretched as she sized him up; Kaidan pulling himself straight and meeting her eyes with an impassive look of his own. It seemed easier if they pretended this was something no more important than an official briefing between them. Easier to consider her a stranger, like she seemed to be considering him. Finally, she shifted and blinked first, bringing her hands out from behind her back to set them on the tabletop, long fingers spread wide as she shifted her weight forward.

"I'm going to give you all the proof you should need to take back with you, Alenko."

"We have your Collector data as proof already. My orders specify that I return with you, Shepard," he countered smoothly, sounding far more capable than he felt with that green, glowing gaze on him once more. "The Alliance needs you to speak at a hearing concerning upcoming threats. Whatever proof you can supply us with will be welcome of course, but this all hinges on you being there to present it."

"Not an option. I'm staying here to better counter the threat since it will likely come from this direction. The Omega-4 relay is still hot, and I anticipate that the Reapers will strike through it, or near enough to it." She didn't feel it necessary to bring up the encroaching fleet she had seen; stars emerging from the depths of Dark Space to resolve themselves into thousands of unblinking Reaper eyes. The walls of the conference room shivered and she straightened slightly. "Not yet EDI. Sorry."

=You need more practice before you can fully attempt this,= EDI's voice cautioned from nowhere and Kaidan felt his hackles go up at the tone of secrecy that passed between them.

"Just what are you planning?" Dropping the air of formality that had been a barrier between them, Kaidan leaned forward to the table, mirroring Shepard's posture.

"I'm planning to give you all the proof you need." Shepard's smile was smug and she brought her hands up in front of her, eyes closing and fingers moving as if she were manipulating a control console. She heaved a brief sigh. "EDI, this interface is terrible," she muttered, barely audible and clearly irritated. "Ah. That's much better." Fingers twitching, she cracked an eye open and gave him a look of curious anticipation that set off his warning flags a moment too late.

The room went completely black. Stumbling in the sudden void he'd been dropped into, Kaidan felt his spatial awareness slip away from him like water and widened his stance to keep from wobbling. It lasted only a moment before the darkness faded into a scene he would rather have never found himself facing.

It was real enough that he began to question what Shepard had just done to him. The flooring beneath his boots was slick and gritty with humidity and whatever squelching, sandy substance had grown over it, the ceiling of the massive room was unseen, walls curving overhead in a collection of pipes and cells and a great many things he couldn't find descriptions for; a sickening blend of machine and organic that would have made the hair on the back of his neck rise if every muscle in his body hadn't already tensed itself in preparation for flight-or-fight reaction at the sight of the... the _thing_ directly before him. Suspended over the fathomless pit stretching before it, it was vaguely human and nearly skeletal in the way it looked; synthetics and metal but still somehow alive. His mind struggled and skipped for a moment before supplying him with the single horrifying realization that it was a Reaper. A human Reaper.

The thing rocked forward from its suspension; secured in the air from a series of hydraulic tubes and immense cables. Its jaw gaped forward with a monstrous metallic shriek and the scene surrounding him shuddered and skipped; images flashing and incorporating themselves into what he was looking at with an air of chaos that reminded him of stereotypical attempts at mindwashing, Collector pods. People trapped inside them. Those same people struggling in sudden panic as they were unmade, liquified, _processed. _ Wide, climbing walls and arching structures lined with thousands of pod cells. Again, his mind struggled to comprehend for a split second. God, the colonists. He felt his skin go clammy in an instant.

Then everything froze, wiped to black again and blinked back to reality and Shepard's pale, shocked face. "Oh shit. Shit. I'm sorry I didn't mean to... not like that."

"What the hell did you just do?"

"Damnit, I'm all blunt force, no finesse... I need to talk to Kasumi-"

"What did you do!" Kaidan snapped, reaching out to physically grab her shoulders and shake, pulling her away from her worry and back into ice cold composure if the glare she shot him was anything to go by.

"This conference room is hologram equipped for communication purposes. I had EDI link up to display my greybox-"

"Your _greybox_?" Kaidan gave her a look of shock, compounded by the nightmare he'd been dropped into without warning. Silent for a moment, she broke the hold he had on her shoulders with a quick twist, hands up to knock him back. "What the hell have you been doing!"

"Surviving!" Prompted by anger or simply her blunt force method of handling things, the room went dark again, but not the emptiness of the void he'd been in before and Shepard swiveled in the midst of her own memory to face a wall of darkness and a smattering of stars in the distance. Only they weren't stars, not moving in small clusters as they were. Swallowing hard, Shepard pushed the memory down and Kaidan only caught a gleaming edge of metal in the distance as the "stars" cleared the darkness and a shape resolved itself into a massive, space faring body... another Reaper?

Unable to control the way her memories were shifting now, Shepard began to curse with increasing intensity as scenes unfolded around him, some forming and vanishing too fast to be certain what he was seeing, but others lingered. He caught images of places he recognized; the Citadel's Presidium, Illium's towering skyline from the trade floor, a flash of the Horizon colony. There were more scenes he couldn't imagine that still brought touches of wonder and horror in seemingly equal parts and before the room snapped back to the conference center and its wide table; a massive thresher maw bearing down toward them.

Shepard drooped visibly, hand pressed to her eyes as she muttered under her breath. "I don't have this under as much control as well as I thought I did."

"What was all of that?"

"What do you think? Memories." Shepard let her hand drop, shifted to lean her hip against the table. Visibly separating herself from that brief moment of weakness, she took a few deep breaths before pinning him with a steady stare. "My memories."

"Which brings to mind," Kaidan felt anger spark again beneath the confusion and other muddled emotions of being privy to flashes of Shepard's mind. The anger was much safer than the worry smothered beneath it. "Why the hell did you have yourself greyboxed?"

Alex shot him a look of pure irritation that shivered down his spine. "I didn't have it done, it was done to me without my permission or acknowledgment, but that doesn't mean I'm not going to take advantage of it." Pushing herself into motion, she paced around the room with the practiced ease of a person familiar with the space. "I will use every advantage that comes my way, no matter what other people may think. I will make this perfectly clear, Commander Alenko," she hissed, hands moving through the air as she gestured, spinning to point a finger sharply in his direction. "I will not stand for people giving me lectures on untested technology, risky procedures or what I should or shouldn't be doing with my time and abilities. I will use every single advantage that comes my way. There is only one goal, one reason to keep moving, one thing I have to accomplish. And I will accomplish it. The Reapers _will not win_."

"Then we're working toward the same goal," he snapped back, tired of diplomacy when all she wanted to do was shout. "Stop working against me, Alex and work with me!"

Throwing her head back with a frustrated growl, Shepard whipped forward to pin him with a stare. The green glow of her eyes was augmented with red; something he'd already come to recognize as a warning sign. Beneath her skin, a red glow red crackled at the surface and faded back into the angry flush spreading quickly across her features. "I'm trying, damnit! Why can't you compromise with me, Kaidan?"

Her small slip seemed to diffuse his own anger and Shepard was left with a quietly suspicious look on her face as his shoulders went back down, a slight smile tipping up the corner of his mouth. Anger faltering in the face of his inexplicably self-satisfied calm, Alex let her arms drop to her sides with a rough sigh. "What? What now?"

"You called me Kaidan. I think we're making progress." The biotic could have laughed at the blank look that crossed her features then, her attempts at separating herself from him in one way or another almost clarifying in the air between them.

"This doesn't change anything." she muttered. "I'm not going back there." The fight drained out of her, she moved to the main computer console that sat at the hub of the Conference Room's table and brought up an interface, typing in a series of commands and muttering to herself a moment before raising her voice. "What's done is done, and I won't waste my breath trying to convince the new Council of what the old Council won't even believe." Typing as she talked, she seemed more civil at least, if no less weary. "If you and Anderson can't accomplish that, then there's nothing I can say that will help."

"But you were there, Alex. You fought and defeated the Collectors. You have firsthand experience of what we're dealing with." Kaidan kept insisting, rounding the table to approach her as she worked until she gave him a warning glance and shifted further away from him. "The information that you sent Anderson is incredibly valuable, but they'll find some way to dismiss it."

"And I'm supposed to change that? The Council doesn't trust me; new or old." Alex laughed bitterly and closed her eyes once more, fingers working in the motions of what he recognized as her toying with whatever information lurked in her greybox. He resisted the urge to unnecessarily inform her that memory recorders were illegal within the higher ranks of the Alliance, but she'd made it very clear she didn't give a damn, and that she had no intention of returning to the Alliance. Eyes popping open, she reached back to the terminal and withdrew a slim datastick, extending it in his direction. "Here. Now you have all the additional data you might need. I've been greyboxing everything, apparently, so I just had EDI help me transfer the data pertaining to my experience with the Collectors and Reapers."

Kaidan reached out, their fingers touching briefly as he accepted the datastick. She didn't pull away automatically, her eyes shifting to take in the contact with something unreadable in her expression. It was mildly disappointing to him that he couldn't read her anymore. At least not as well as he used to be able to. The guilty hours he'd spent watching her work aboard the _Normandy_ had lent a certain kind of expertise toward the woman he had loved. Might possibly still love. Now she was as foreign to him as a volus; every thought kept contained under a heavy mask."I... thank you."

"You're welcome," she responded with an air of uncertainty, as if their civil behavior was another prong of his strategy. But after a moment, she lifted her shoulders, shook out her arms and rolled her neck in a quick attempt to shake off whatever stress she had been carrying along with her.

Kaidan considered the datastick for another long moment before tucking it away and giving into a curiosity that had come to mind. "What else do you have stored in that greybox?" Shepard seemed mildly surprised by the question and his sudden change of interest.

"Ah... everything. Everything since I came back is stored in here. I haven't exactly had time to look through it all or organize datastreams, but it's all there." Shepard tapped at her temple with a wry smile and her eyes drifted away from his glance. "I've come to learn what Thane meant when he said people could get lost in memories." The latter was said softly, a concession to herself perhaps. But...

"Who's Thane?"

"A very accomplished assassin I have the good fortune of counting as a friend. Thane also happens to be a Drell, and they have a very interesting memory recall system," Shepard explained with a shrug before giving him a dry look. "Why the interest?"

"We always worked well together, Shepard. Is it so terrible that I want to make sure you're doing okay?" Kaidan sighed, shifting on his feet at the small bit of confession. Shepard too seemed a touch surprised, but blanked her expression rapidly to cover whatever else she might give away.

"I suppose not. I guess I never congratulated you on your promotion." Struggling for a moment, she blew out a sigh. "I'm glad the Alliance seems to be treating you so well."

Nodding a quick thanks, he didn't feel it necessary to tell her how much a nightmare that promotion had been at first; he'd still been a bit of a wreck after her "death" and being pushed into a Commander's position had left him feeling sick, as if the Alliance expected him to replace their lost hero by way of his association to her. It had taken him a lot of internal struggle to finally feel good about the promotion and to find his own feet, finding certainty in that he'd earned it by his own hard work and not some form of pity or a demand for compliance. Mostly, he had wished that she and the rest of the already dispersed crew had been there to make the event something worth celebrating. "It has it's ups and downs, but Councilor Anderson seems to have taken a personal interest in my career after... everything."

"He's a good man. A good mentor. You could learn a lot from him," Shepard said with a far away smile. "Look... tell Anderson that I'm sorry. But I don't have time to waste. If he wants to holo-conference something, I might be able to work that in, but there's nothing else I can do for him."

"_Will_ do for him," Kaidan corrected gently, not wanting to press her back into anger, but also not letting her get away from her refusal. Their needs were so very different these days and it was easy enough to wish for the days when they worked side by side toward a common goal with the all the stops pulled out. Her eyes flashed reproachfully, but she didn't argue the point. "Shepard-"

"Woulda, coulda, shoulda. That's all I can do, will do, to help," said Shepard. "I've done what I could on the front you're about to attack, and it wasn't enough. Take what's on that datastick and with it and the Collector data, I hope it's enough to help you and Anderson beat this thing. I'm done with the Citadel. I'm exerting my energy where it will be the most help."

"Alex. Please. We really need your help on this." Kaidan straightened his shoulders and made sure his tone and expression got the right message across; a friend asking for help and not a soldier begging for it.

"We leave tomorrow night, and nothing will change that unless something spontaneously explodes." Quiet for a moment, Shepard finally sighed and scrubbed a hand across her eyes. "You probably don't want to stay on Omega after this Alenko. It's no place for you."

"Yeah, no problem. I can tell where I'm not wanted."

Blowing a rough breath out between her clenched teeth, Shepard gestured to the door and let her gaze drop back to the table at her side. "Just be safe out there, will you?"

Ignoring the clear dismissal for the moment, he let out a quick laugh. "Would you ever promise me the same?"

There might have been a fleeting smile on her lips, there and gone before he really say it existed. "You know I couldn't."

"Then I'll do what I can, Alex. But no promises." He waited long enough for her to say something in return, but not long enough for the silence to stretch on into something more awkward than it already was. "Goodbye Shepard."

The door whisked closed after a moment longer, and feeling like a coward, Alex leaned back against the table and stared at it. "Goodbye, Kaidan."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: I honestly should have finished this whole story before playing ME3. I really should have. But I didn't! So as well as taking me a bit longer to pump out this chapter, I'm worried it might have taken a turn from what I intended and be clouded with some of what happened in that game; Shepard and Kaidan's reunion included. <strong>

**Either way, hope you all enjoy it. Don't forget to leave a review if you feel so obliged. I hate to beg for them, but I really do appreciate them. Reviews give me the happy-feel-goods. ;)**


	8. Chapter 8

OMEGA

SAHRABARIK SYSTEM

Looking across the crowd that packed War Zone to the gills, Shepard cracked a confident smile and lifted her arms, inviting the already raucous crowd to further heights of cheering. In some cases, jeering.

Nobody had really expected her to pull ahead and fight off one of Omega's darlings, so there was a great deal of dissent amongst the gamblers. But she had taken on one of their favorites and had won; a scarred turian with half a mandible missing, a grudge against humanity, and a combat talon that was the core weapon of his attack pattern. Facing off against him at the start, Shepard hadn't been entirely certain she could beat him. Though confident in her abilities and only slightly uncertain when it came down to her still-adjusting implants and improvements, she had watched his few threatening swipes with the combat talon with a studious look that never gave away the jitter of her gut. Appearing confident and capable enough to win was always the first step to an actualized victory.

While her increased speed had enabled her to keep a step ahead of the turian, it hadn't been a perfectly won fight and she had taken a few blows. Luckily for her, the skin weaves were working at overtime and the combat talon had only scored shallow gouges rather than life threatening wounds. It had only taken a few shots of medigel into the specialized distribution system layered through her muscles to heal that damage. Even though War Zone was known as an "anything goes" arena, there had been a few cries for her blood when she had come out victorious against the opposition, her implants and synthetics bringing her out alive while her innate skill and tactical mind guided her to a win.

A less than flawless win perhaps, she thought as she looked down at her blood smeared body. But a win none the less. Splatters of red streaked across her arms and soaked parts of her shirt where it had taken a moment for the wounds to seal and heal. If it weren't for the skin weave and medigel conduits, several of the wounds could have been deep enough to bleed out through since the turian seemed to have a firmly established knowledge of human anatomy. But there was blue blood mixed with the red and her opponent was still out cold on the floor; his wounds sealing as his team gave him the little medical attention he needed. Shepard wasn't out for blood or lives like the turian had been. She was out to prove herself.

"Who's next?" She shouted into the crowd and it exploded once more, spectators pushing and jostling against one another as they shouted suggestions. Finally, much to Shepard's surprise, Anto stepped up to the edge of the pit and looked down at her with a vastly amused grin on his face.

"A special challenger has demanded the right to go against you, Shepard. Aria has it all arranged, so all you need to do is say 'yes' or 'no'."

"Anto, you ugly bastard." Shepard smiled up at him to soften the words into a quasi-friendly banter. Her work with Aria had brought her into repeated contact with both Anto and Grizz. While not precisely friendly with either of them, there was still an ease brought about by familiarity and the simple speech of credits and rounds of alcohol. "You want to jump in?"

"I'll take a rain check. Yes or no, Shepard, that's all I need to start this thing off."

Knowing Aria was involved added a certain flavor of risk, because while the asari would never do anything that might lead to Shepard's death outright, the woman had a distinct passion for pushing her people to, and past, their limits. While not exactly sure when she had come to count as one of Aria's "people", it was something that came with perks and with the occasional problem. "Yes, Anto. I'll take on your mystery challenger." The crowd burst back into noisy conversation and speculation as the batarian disappeared back into the spectator rows.

Shepard moved around the pit, stretching and bouncing as she kept her muscles from stiffening while she waited. Aria's hand in the mix would make things interesting, no doubt. But what would the challenge be? Turian? Salarian? Or the potential nightmare of sharing the ring with a krogan? Either way, she didn't have to wait long before her challenger put in his appearance.

When the crowd launched into a noisy round of betting, she looked over to watch the opposition jump carelessly into the pit with a confident smile. Alex was momentarily caught in the limbo between cursing like only a Marine could and stunned silence as the human strode to the center ring and made a show of turning in a slow circle for the onlookers; dressed for the combat of physical battle. In the end, she settled for cursing.

"Damn it, Alenko! What the hell are you doing?" Shepard snarled and turned sharply on a heel, making a beeline for the edge of the pit and a quick exit when Kaidan lifted his arm in a clearly rehearsed signal. A barrier field sprouted from the base of the pit's walls and extended up to the ceiling, crackling over the worn concrete and metal and effectively sealing the combatants into the ring. "A cage match! Are you out of your mind? I am not going to fight you."

"Sure you are." Kaidan seemed far too relaxed for her comfort. Anger seethed over the surface of her mind, punctuated with quick bursts of "how dare he!" that swam through the forefront of her rage. Still, she had to admit that the biotic looked... good. Close fitting uniform pants and well worn boots, an old Alliance Marines shirt with the sleeves ripped off to showcase arms that were more muscular and toned than she recalled. In fact, Kaidan seemed to have filled out since the last time she had seen him. Though in good fighting shape back in their pursuit of Saren, he was slightly wider across the chest and shoulders now, and the set of his stance gave away a world of fighting experience that she'd had no idea existed.

"What are you doing here? What the hell are you hoping to accomplish?"

Kaidan cracked his knuckles in response and smiled as he pulled on a pair of scarred fighting gloves, wrapping the bands snug about his wrists. "Are you a betting woman? If I win, you come and speak to the Council."

Jaw popping open involuntarily at the show of confidence, she clamped it closed and let her ire show in a quick sneer. "You just don't give up, do you? And what do I get if I win?" Though bloodied, she hadn't yet been beaten in the ring despite a handful of close calls.

"I'll let you decide your own terms if you win, Alex."

"Fine." She glowered at him and sank into a starting position that nearly mirrored his own, fists up and head tucked. If he wanted to fight her, she could certainly oblige him with a quick tumble across the concrete floor. It wouldn't be a terrible hardship, really. That his attention slowly shifted across her form seemed to show he was thinking much the same, though if he expected her to take it easy on him he was out of luck.

"Fight!" The crowd responded to the command by surging to their feet and Kaidan began a slow circle in the pit that brought them in close. Without fanfare, Shepard made a few shuffling steps to test his reactions and lunged.

A burst of biotic corona had her flat on her back before she even noticed him pulling into the movements of a mnemonic. Clearly, he hadn't wasted his last two years on paperwork alone. Flipping back to her feet, she gave him a sharp look but he was still in that starting stance, a smug look on his handsome face. They circled one another warily like pit varren for a moment before she moved in again and found herself repelled by another biotic attack that staggered her off to the side, triggered by the slightest movement of Kaidan's fingers. Eyes narrowing at him, she continued to sidestep around the pit in search of an opening.

"You gonna fight me, Shepard, or are you just trying to make me dizzy?" Kaidan taunted, rewarded by a flash of teeth as her lips pulled back in a grim snarl. While he'd had a couple years to evolve his styles and abilities, Shepard still fought like she had years ago. The only real changes were her formidable new speed and strength. By looking into her records, he had found she had certified in N7-level hand to hand and combatives, augmented by skills gained through her own interests and ability. But he doubted she had advanced beyond that in her fight against the Collectors.

Kaidan, on the other hand, had attempted to fill the void in his life resulting from her loss in a great deal of ways. When drinking had failed him, he had turned to fighting and discovered a knack for it; using the physical exertion and pain to keep the ghost of her at bay until fighting had become more than a distraction and turned into a passion. It had even increased his biotic abilities in ways that nobody had anticipated, resulting in a study between adrenaline, fighting movements and mnemonics that had advanced human based biotics in leaps and bounds. Before Anderson had sent him out on this mission, there had been rumors about a higher ranking position in his future and leadership of his own special team of biotic soldiers.

But in the here and now, Shepard was on her feet and pissed, circling him with a look of intensity that made her eyes glitter beyond the glow of the implants. Bloodied from her last battle and wearing an expression of fierce intensity, she looked like the very image of war and aggression and he was surprised to find himself experiencing a quick burst of pride at her resilience. If only she wasn't trying to set him on fire with the intensity of her glare.

Over the course of the next few minutes she made quick forays at him that he pushed back and repelled with low strength biotic pushes, pulls and even a series of weak shockwaves that had knocked her off her feet in a burst of highly creative cursing while the crowd raged noisily around them. Fine tuned control had been one of the things that Kaidan had perfected with his biotics while researching the connections between fighting and mnemonics and he was happy to find that he had lost nothing of his skill. Otherwise, the fight could have gotten uglier than it already was. Shepard's rapid ability to heal and the implants she had riddled her body with gave him a safety net with his control, but he still didn't want to hurt her, not when they had started to get back on even footing once more.

He couldn't say the same for her own conviction though, because her movements were getting sharp and jerky, teeth bared in anger and skin flushed in mixture of rage and embarrassment at her inability to even reach him.

Alex grit her teeth and fell back a little, feeling the bruises she'd earned in one fall after another with a sharp awareness that bordered on obsession. Having strong biotic users like Jack and Samara on her team for so long had given her some insight into biotic abilities and energies, but Kaidan's tactics weren't something she had encountered before and without any weaponry but her body, she had no immediate way to counter him or even get close to him before being swatted away. She was bruised, irritable, embarrassed and running thin on the last threads of her self control.

She had one chance and one chance only to try and catch him off guard. Circling, she watched him intently for any signs of covert energy manipulation, placing one foot carefully after the other, fists up and elbows brought tightly into her body in preparation. Pushing the noise of the crowd behind her, Shepard locked eyes with the man across the pit and twitched forward. His hand came up, then dropped back into position as he gave her a slight nod for the feint. This polite combat was killing her slowly and the embarrassment was grinding ruthlessly against her pride.

Putting as much effort as possible into a sudden surge of speed, she felt her muscles tense and coil in anticipation of the strike. What she would do with Kaidan when she got her hands on him, she had no idea. Pay him back, certainly. Crouching down a telling inch, she sprang at him and was rewarded when Kaidan's eyes widened open at the sudden burst of motion. Alex's hands came up as her body streamlined forward, arms outstretched to grab hold of her quarry as the distance between them seemed to close in slow motion. She saw him fall back a step, saw his hand open and rise, saw him begin to drop to a knee...

And then she was sailing over his head, propelled by the lift of a biotic pull that shoved her just high enough for him to duck her grasp, her clawed fingers barely skimming a shoulder as she flowed over him and gravity dropped back into play. Alex hit the ground rolling, coming up with a snarl as she turned to attack once more, but Kaidan had found his feet again and a well timed biotic push sent her reeling backward into the pockmarked wall of the pit.

The enraged roar she let loose was barely audible over the noise of the crowd surging to their feet a mixture of excitement and disgust, depending on who was rooting for who, but she felt it tear free of her gut and vibrate down her spine. Kaidan must have heard it too, because he fell back another step with his eyes warily trained on her.

Able to feel the blood rushing through her head, Alex moved reflexively into a familiar stance that Jack, Miranda and Samara had coached her through time and time again, practiced in the safety of solitude with no other warm bodies around. Feet wide, shoulders strong, arms positioned just so... and like it had been called, her blood seemed to pool and rush into her skull, dissipating in a way that made her feel sick and weak. Caution dissolved into shock on Kaidan's face as a corona sputtered up around her then flared as she jerked her arm skyward. His feet left the ground in a rush and Kaidan shouted in alarm as he was gripped by the force of the biotics she'd turned on him.

He bit down on the shock that Shepard, a woman to whom biotics were as unnatural and strange as military grade vat cheese, was exhibiting a skill she had never possessed even a spark of before. Kaidan forced himself to relax as he free floated toward the ceiling, a crackling cocoon of blue lofting him upward. He calmed his initial fear by thinking zero-gravity thoughts as he waited for the haze to vanish. A biotic pull only lasted so long and while the distance to the floor was growing, he imagined he could land it safely as long as Alex didn't interfere. Tuck and roll; let the knees collapse, roll over a shoulder and he should be fine.

But rather than vanish and drop him back to earth, the biotic haze suddenly reversed polarity and threw him toward the pit floor at an accelerated rate. There was no time to tuck and roll, barely time to register the sudden change. Kaidan barely managed to ball himself up into a safe crashing position before he hit the ground with a force that knocked the air from his lungs and rattled the teeth in his skull. She'd slammed him! Struggling for both breath and comprehension, he clenched in on himself and tried to suck air in through clenched teeth as his side erupted into a symphony of pain. Alex Shepard, a former N7 and Spectre with not an ounce of biotic ability had wrenched him into one of the most dangerous biotic attacks out there. Before he could wheeze in a breath, she was on him. Like the mad thing he had pushed her to, Alex grappled with and rolled him, working her arm between his and flipping him free of his defensive roll to pin him with an aggressive leg locked over his own.

A fist found his ribs and he grunted, expelling precious oxygen that had just made it into his lungs. Grabbing hold of her incoming fist, he winced at the impact that rocked through his forearm and pulled her in, planting a hand against her gut and pushing off with a burst of energy behind the movement. Alex practically flew off of him, crashing and rolling across the floor into a stable position before lunging in again. Damn, she was angry. Her eyes were a full blown red and she looked nearly feral as she charged. Riding on instinct, he swung an arm around in a speedy mnemonic and flattened her against the far wall.

"Oh hell."

Shepard looked out of control enough to draw blood and he had put them in a cage together. Swaying on her feet as she pushed off the wall, Alex fixed him with a cold stare as a trickle of blood ran from her scalp and down the sharp angle of her cheek toward her jaw. Though anger usually infused her movements with a jagged edge, she flowed into the motions for a slam once more and he shouted in alarm as he was jerked upward. With the anger fueling her now, Kaidan had to admit that perhaps he might not walk away from this unleashed attack. At full and invested power, a slam had the potential to kill a person. It had seemed safe enough to push her when there was no way she could reach him, but there had been no anticipating this particular ace up her sleeve.

Twisting and turning through the gradual upward climb, his eyes finally found Alex; her body hazed in a sickly blue and the color drained from her face. The look of concentration that twisted her features did little to hide the fear in her eyes.

"Shit." Shepard's eyes widened as Kaidan reached the top of the apex of the lift and executed a lung crushing drop toward the ground, picking up speed before she managed to force herself to focus and stop his rapid descent inches from the ground, holding him there while her muscles shook in opposition. Biotic movements weren't meant to be leashed except in a barrier form and trying to contain the brute force of the loosed slam felt like somebody was digging through her muscles with a fork. Breath hissing between her teeth, she felt untrained energy burning through her. Anger evaporated almost instantly and her focus shifted from trying to pay Kaidan back for the pain and humiliation, to keeping herself from splattering him across the hard ground of the pit.

It had been a terrible, terrible idea to attempt to use a power she had only fickle control over, and she was appalled by her lack of foresight. Shepard knew one mnemonic and one mnemonic only, a byproduct of whatever measures Cerberus had taken in rebuilding her and installing an experimental L5v implant in her skull during the Lazarus Project. Miranda had seemed disappointed that Shepard only showed enough potential to learn one skill, but Alex herself had been floored at the revelation. With a surprising amount of patience, the operative had proceeded to coach her on just how to perform a biotic slam, but it was all that Shepard knew how to do; muscle the power around with brute force.

"Shepard!" Voice shaking but still sure, Kaidan caught her attention and she locked eyes with him as he began a skyward ascent. "Alex! You have to stop this!" He'd seen panic in biotics during training before when their powers didn't pan out as they'd wanted them to and they locked into an energy depleting loop of back and forth until something broke first; the amplifier implant and focus points in the brain, or the victim trapped in the hold. This was a worst case scenario brought to life and he was in the middle of it. "You have to let it go!"

"If I let go, I'm going to spike you into that concrete," Shepard hissed between her teeth. "That's not something either of us want." In combat use, it hadn't taken her long to learn that a biotic slam was a little like a bullet. You chose a target, pulled the figurative trigger and let the follow through take care of itself. Over the course of practice and execution, she had killed all manner of enemies and attackers using the skill she now had Kaidan trapped in. Her blood pressure was spiking in a painful pulse behind her eyes and she struggled to find a way to disconnect without crushing him against the ground. Nobody had bothered to show her that part. Nobody had imagined a situation in which she might want to abort a powerful blow like that... or even find the time between execution and impact to want to.

"Alex, let it go!" He managed to choke out before rushing toward the ground once more, and Alex shifted her stance entirely to try and stop him this time. Coming to a sharp, wobbling halt, he took a quick gasp of breath and began to shout instructions she didn't quite understand, about nodule expenditure, eezo and energy levels, amplifier burnout, stress loops and gravity blackouts. What she managed to take away from it was that they were both in trouble. "It's only going to get worse."

"It's already pretty damn bad!"

"Then let go!" Kaidan was reaching the peak again, reaching an arm out far enough to brush the ceiling and trying to brace himself for the fall. The slow, airborne turn took Alex back out of view even though he heard her rapid, heavy breathing somewhere below him. It was now or never. She swore once, loud enough to startle the nearest yelling spectators into silence, but before the slam could drag him back down once more the corona flickered and went out. Gravity took hold, but with less ferocity than it would have were he still stuck in the slam's loop and Kaidan attempted to twist himself around in attempt to try and break his fall as painlessly as possible.

It wasn't the hard ground that broke his fall after all, but Shepard trying and save him from further pain. They hit the ground together, slammed hard against concrete in a tangle of each others flailing limbs, fist and feet. An elbow caught him high on the forehead, his knee struck her somewhere hard enough that she grunted before they finally fell still, the both of them breathing hard in their own worlds of exhaustion.

"Thanks for listening to me." Kaidan managed between breaths and grunted, trying to disentangle himself from her. "And breaking my fall." Alex made a grunting noise and pushed him off, rolling to her hands and knees and shooting him a dark look. "But don't ever do that again."

When she pushed forward and jammed an elbow purposefully into his ribs, he let out a surprised wheeze and tried to bat her off, pushing against her tense shoulders as she swung a leg over to straddle him. "Alex-"

"This isn't over yet, and I am going to beat your ass within an inch of your life." Though weary, her words carried conviction. Not to mention a punctuating jab to the solar plexus that brought tears momentarily to his eyes. "You shit. Why do you always have to keep pushing me!" Alex smacked him, brought her fist back to throw another punch only to lurch to one side when he twisted beneath her. Even their adrenaline was fading by this point and energy had long since been spent, their movements picking back up again even if it was just in a parody of a fight at this point; exhausted slapping and jabbing at one another as they both fought for the last shreds of dominance.

Shepard snagged the collar of his shirt in both hands, slipping them around to the back and pulling tight toward herself until the fabric dug into the back of his neck. Kaidan bucked to one side, trying to dislodge her with a roll even as he grabbed hold of the shoulder of her shirt and pulled her in, grinding the blade of his other forearm against her neck in an attempt to gain leverage. She was still too strong. Not to be deterred, she rolled her fists and pressed clenched knuckles against the sides of his throat at the thick veins pulsing below the surface and he felt the blood choke start to work immediately, vision going gray at the edges as he struggled to push her off with the arm across her throat. Trying to roll brought him no relief either, she had managed to straddle him and the darkness was closing in.

"Tap out," she hissed.

"No," he choked out, trying a last desperate shove that got him nowhere.

Alex had victory lurking in her eyes alongside something else that sparked recognition in his rapidly fading awareness. "I am a strong, capable woman," she snarled and the heat of her breath washed over his cheek, the glow of her eyes filling his vision. "And I am not afraid to go after what I want."

Kaidan's eyes widened as she surged forward, her lips crushed against his even as her grip on him dragged him closer. Electricity arced through him and he managed a final gasp that carried the taste of her layered in sharp oxygen as the darkness welled up and closed over his head.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Blood chokes being what they were, Kaidan was fairly certain he hadn't been out for too long but the arena was quiet when he finally resurfaced from the black lake of unconsciousness. He let himself drift on the eddies of thought since there was no immediate threat that needed to be met, allowing himself the luxury of easing back into his awareness at his own exhausted pace. The first thing he noticed was the pain; each bruise complaining until he pushed past the pain and opened his eyes.

Surprise lit through him, body tensing as he found himself looking up at Alex. His head was resting on her lap as she sat with her head tilted back against the discolored concrete of the pit walls; eyes fixed on some point above them both. Sporting a split lip and a bruise that was already turning dark around her eye, she still looked oddly peaceful. All he felt was conflict. She tried to kill him, kissed him, still choked him out and then chose to stay by his side until he woke.

"Nothing to say?" Alex's voice rasped somewhat, aware that he was awake though she kept her eyes trained upward to give him a moment to compose himself further.

"Nothing comes to mind," Kaidan admitted, finding the whole scene to be surreal. "Except thanks, maybe."

Alex snorted. "Well, you said that already. And then I choked you out."

"Then never mind the thanks." Silence stretched between them, oddly companionable after the violence of the ring. Part of him wondered if that's what they had always needed between them after the harsh words exchanged on Horizon; a chance to vent their frustrations and clear the air. Leave it to Shepard to be like any other soldier in that respect.

"All of this reminds me of something Garrus told me. About turians working out aggression and grudges on the ship before battle," she mused lightly, one hand creeping upward to touch his shoulder even as she avoided his eyes. When he didn't move to shrug it off, her touch relaxed and the hand stayed. "You have reach." Then she laughed, surprising them both before lapsing back into silence. "But I almost killed you."

"You didn't. Almost only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades, Alex." Kaidan pushed himself up and shifted to sit beside her, head resting on the wall as his blood pounded back into place and a migraine began to blossom behind his eyes. Shepard angled her head to give him a puzzled look. "Something my dad always says. But that does beg the question of how the hell you're suddenly biotic."

"Cerberus," she explained succinctly. "Something about eezo contamination on Alchera and Lazarus Project trying out all sorts of new and exciting things. I've got more hardware crammed in my skull than brains at this point." Giving him a sidelong glance, she let a corner of her mouth twist into a brief smile. "L5."

Kaidan let out a low whistle and shook his head. "You don't have adequate training for that level of power." Alex reared back and punched him in the arm. They were both weak, but it had a sting to it and he gave her a cross look as he considered how black and blue he was going to look in a few days. The bruise on Shepard's cheek was already fading under the work of her precious prototypes; the split in her lip no longer bleeding.

"I'm doing what I can with what I have." Reaching up to touch her lower lip, she winced and let her hand drop back into her lap. "I won, by the way. And what the hell was the point of all that pushing me around?"

Kaidan sighed a scrubbed a hand across his face. "Yeah, you won. You can't blame a guy for one last attempt to fulfill his mission." When she simply stared at him for a long moment, he shrugged gently. "You've been nothing but a frustration these past few days and I admit, maybe I wanted to push you around a little in return."

"How noble of you." Shepard smirked, and waved a hand dismissively." Don't worry. I won't tell anybody you got beat up by a girl."

"A borderline synthetic with speed and strength implants, you mean?"

Alex gave him a dry look and leaned forward in a stretch that had her wincing before she was through. "Borderline would be a polite way to put it. EDI told me that with all my augmentations and implants, I'm about eighty-three percent synthetic. But... I'm not transhuman yet." There was a note of uncertainty though and she shifted topics before either of them could prod at that tender spot further. "I'm not going to leave you high and dry. I'll help you and Anderson out as much as I possibly can from out here in Terminus and..." Shepard sighed, scrubbing a hand across her face. "And if it's not enough, I'll come to the Citadel and face the Council's committee with the information we've gathered. Please just consider what could happen if you drag me back there first."

Kaidan blinked, turning his head to give her a searching look. "Maybe I should have just beat you up from the start. Do concussions always make you so agreeable?"

"Shut up before I change my mind." Tipping herself forward, she moved to stand. Kaidan reached out to grasp her wrist and drew her gently back down. He didn't want her to walk away, not when he wasn't sure he had the strength to follow her yet.

"Will you really?"

Alex grimaced and pulled her hand free, rubbing at the point where he'd grabbed her as if scrubbing away his touch. Conflicted did not begin to describe the highs and lows she was putting him through. "Yes. I really will."

"Don't get me wrong, I appreciate your sudden change of heart, but why now? After all the fighting, all the arguments?" Wincing to himself, Kaidan pressed the heels of his palms to his eyes, grinding against the steadily growing pain the migraine threatened.

"It's what I would do, right?" The question caught him slightly off guard and he cracked an eye to glance at her from beneath the shadows of his palms. Alex seemed genuinely uncertain, lifting a hand to subconsciously trace some invisible line across the bridge of her nose toward the curve of her cheek. It took him a moment to remember the scar. She'd earned it on Akuze, she'd explained to him without a touch of self consciousness. A lesson about hard decisions and loss, and about picking oneself back up again. It seemed she mourned the physical reminder it provided her.

Wrapping his fingers about her wrist, he pulled her hand down and waited for her to meet his eyes. "You were always driven to do the right thing, Alex. You still are."

"No, not really. Now I have an impossible goal to meet. I can't let anything stand in my way, Kaidan. And that's what worries me. What I might have to do to make sure the galaxy keeps on spinning." Letting out a long sigh, she shifted against the wall and closed her eyes, letting the silence sink in while she struggled with words he couldn't begin to imagine. "I've already done things that nobody approves of, or that shock the hell out of all of my crew. My friends. Sometimes myself, but I just can't let up."

"Everybody has doubts."

"And I really don't know why I'm telling you this, but I wonder if I really am Alexandra Shepard."

Kaidan blinked at the blunt confession and allowed himself a nervous laugh. Her words wanted to make his skin shiver but it also brought a measure of clarity to him. Her recent actions, the moody highs and lows, her crew's concern about her continued good sanity. "You're telling me because you know me, and I know you. Of course you're you."

"There's really no way to be sure." Alex sighed, shoulder hitching up as she sank lower into a slouch. "What if I'm not the Alex Shepard that lost her platoon in Akuze? That saved the Citadel from Saren? One of Cerberus' Operatives that works for me now, she said they considered cloning if they couldn't rebuild me. What if they did? I could be Alex Shepard... version three-point-zero." Even if the thought of her being rebuilt still struck him as impossible, she seemed accepting of the methods of her resurrection and even the possibility of cloning. Kaidan wondered how long it would take him to become as accepting, or if denial would continue to edge around the details.

"Your friends would know. Garrus and Tali'zorah have been traveling with you, and so have Joker and Doctor Chakwas. You've been driving yourself nuts about this? Everybody has identity issues, Alex. Everybody." Kaidan sighed and gave her hand a gentle squeeze before she could reclaim it. "It's difficult to keep yourself separated from the really big things, but you can't let yourself become overwhelmed."

"Speaking from experience, are you?" The slight taunt to her words made him smile inwardly now that he knew what it was all about. Shepard was desperate for reassurance but determined not to let anybody too close, and still keeping it all locked under the iron image she had always presented to the public. The fact that she seemed to be trying to drive him away the hardest was significant. Not to mention her earlier claim on him.

"Yes. Shepard, I am. But I know you. If I thought for a moment that you weren't you, I wouldn't be here. Even when I thought you were a traitor, I knew it was still you. That's what made it so hard." He could feel her attention on him and chose his words carefully lest he undo their crawling rate of progress. "When I heard the rumors, I was sure it was an imposter. If it had been an imposter standing across from me in that field on Horizon, or even a lesser version of you, I could have walked away and never looked back. But it was you, and that damn near destroyed me." Pausing, he let out a heavy breath and tried to gather his thoughts. Telling her face to face what had been eating at him that moment felt like a small step toward closing the rift between them. "I never questioned that it was you, but I've been questioning everything else since then. Who you're with. What you've done."

"And what I continue to do."

"It's different, yes. You've always had your own reasons for doing things, your own way of taking care of problems that a lot of people will never understand. But you get results." With a wince, he levered himself up and reached over to cup her chin in a palm and turn her face to him. "You are Alex Shepard. The biggest pain in my ass."

At that, she cracked a sad smile. "I've always been the biggest pain in your ass."

"Of course." Her skin was warm beneath his fingers, and he could feel a ridge of scar tissue beneath the pad of a thumb. "I'd know you anywhere."

With the two of them the only occupants of War Zone and the pit itself, she seemed willing to take the time to let her guard down a bit further. Despite what problems and troubles they had faced before, there was still a core of trust toward one another, no matter how it may have been shaken. Kaidan didn't push anything, but let himself cling to hope even if it might destroy him in the end. Where Shepard had been strong before, encouraging an interest in him with careful hints and persistence in spite of his wariness concerning the countless regulations stacked against them, she was more akin to a wild animal now. He had to wait, to let her find the rest of her confidence and come to him.

"I'm not ready to give up on us," she finally said, breaking the silence on a slow exhale. "You're a good man, Kaidan and I need that in my life now more than ever. You ground me, somehow. Chakwas told me I was some calm center where they could catch their breath and it made me laugh because I've never felt that way. But I think I know what she meant." She shifted, leaning into him to become a spot of warmth against him. "If you'll have me."

"I'm not ready to give up either." Kaidan slid an arm around her shoulder as bruised muscles resisted him painfully. "And I miss you, Alex. We were... we were always good together. I miss that."

She turned into him then, and the kiss was soft and slow when their lips met. The kiss was a soft counterpoint to her aggressive attack earlier, but even sweeter was the reaffirmation of what remained between them and that had never been completely severed despite distance and hardship. Alex let her fingers stray to his dark hair and pulled him closer until the pressure against her split lip and a quiet ache for oxygen pulled them apart. Pressing her head to his shoulder, she smiled for what felt like the first time in a long time. This at least, hadn't been lost.

"Will you wait for me?" she sighed gently, leaning back to meet his eyes. Looking as momentarily dazed as she felt, Kaidan took a moment more to shake it off.

"I've been waiting for you all my life." He smiled faintly, rewarded by a responding chuckle even if the look in Shepard's eyes went soft. "I wish you would come with me."

"I'll come when you call, but there are things I need to take care of first. A favor I need to do." Alex leaned against him hard enough for him to wince before letting up with an apologetic grimace.

Kaidan sighed, scrubbing a hand across his forehead. "Running more errands for crime kingpins?"

Rather than take offense, she gave him an enigmatic smile. "You think all the friends I have are criminal queens, smugglers and mercenaries? That all I have are friends in low places? No. This is a personal favor for Admiral Hackett."

"Admiral Hackett?" Features pulled into a look of confusion, Kaidan shook his head. "If Admiral Hackett is still tagging you, why did they send me to try and convince you to come back?"

"I wouldn't have come back even if he asked. When he learned I was awake and kicking, Hackett took the time to try and feed me a few things, ask for a few things in return. I think he appreciated having somebody on the outside of the fence that could take care of certain things that had his hands tied. I have a great deal of respect for Admiral Hackett, Kaidan, but I don't jump when he calls either." Shepard cracked a faint smile and nudged him as she got back to her feet, offering him a hand when before she may have simply strode away. "I don't think I give Anderson enough credit."

Kaidan accept the hand up gratefully and winced as all the hits he'd taken reminded him with a burst of pain. Even some hits he never remembered taking flared into warning. Alex was moving with far less pain and he couldn't help a surge of envy for how rapidly she recovered at least. "He couldn't have seen this happening."

"No? Anderson and I don't always get along but..." she trailed off and smiled faintly. "He took me under his wing when I was a scared, scarred lieutenant who'd just lost everything on Akuze. Anderson has always been there for me in his own way, even when it didn't seem like it. He knows me as well as my mother. Better in some cases, maybe." Shrugging, she began walking toward the exit of the pit and the long hallway that led to the locker rooms. This time, he followed. "Anderson sent you because he knew you had the best chance of success."

"I almost didn't succeed."

"Horseshoes and hand grenades," she prompted with a smirk. Rather than head to the locker rooms, she led him up a stairwell and pushed the doors open to reveal the lower levels of Omega proper, blinking back the glare of shop lights after the dank hallway. Kaidan emerged beside her, feeling a bit like a new person.

Turning to face him, Alex gave him a quiet look. "So, Staff Commander Kaidan Alenko, will you wait for me?"

In response, he reached out and took her hand, turning it to press his lips against the bullseye on the inside of her wrist. "I'll wait for you, Alexandra Shepard."

Smiling faintly in the glare of the lights, she nodded in satisfaction and let the feeling of relief wash through her, taking some of the doubts and strain along out of her. "Then before we go our separate ways, on our terms this time, at least come by the Med Bay so Chakwas can patch you up."

"How can I refuse an invitation like that?"

**AN: I rewrote this so many times you don't even know. I envy writers who are able to wrap things up so smoothly while I always seem to struggle. Anyway, the story is almost at an end, just one more chapter to go!**


	9. Chapter 9

Doctor Chakwas' reaction was almost exactly what Alex had expected when she limped her way into the Med Bay, dried blood crusted in her hairline and the bruise around one eye a spectacular purple that was already fading into a shade of green around the edges while her system and a dose of medigel worked at evening out the damage that had been done. The Doctor's gentle face transformed into a look of disappointed anger as she rounded on the younger woman, brows drawn down ferociously over cool, hard eyes.

"Hey, I look better than the other guy." Alex held her hands up in surrender as the Doctor closed the distance between them and grabbed her by the shoulder, propelling her to one of the medical beds with a low, disgusted sigh. "Ow. Shit. Hey," Alex called out over her shoulder toward the still open door. "Get in here already!"

Kaidan edged in around the doorway with a wry smile on his face and his own collection of bumps and bruises, but the look on the doctor's face when she caught sight of him transformed instantaneously into a look of pleased surprise. "Kaidan, so good of you to visit us..." And then the look melted back into displeasure as she took a second look. "Good God, you two did this to each other?"

"He started it."

"You probably deserved it." Chakwas slapped Alex's shoulder with a sigh and gestured Kaidan in as well, settling him on a second empty bed and moving to the medigel dispenser. "Most people work out their issues over drinks, or dinner. Or even just stick with shouting." Throwing the medigel canister at Alex and forcing the infiltrator to duck it's arch, she walked over to Kaidan and grasped his jaw in firm fingers, turning his head to gauge the damage done to him with a keen eye. "You do look like you're taking care of yourself though. I'm glad to see you're doing well."

Since both soldiers possessed the knowledge and capability to apply the gel themselves, she sat back and watched them with an appraising eye. There was still tension between them despite the light banter and cautious peeks across the Med Bay, but it was nowhere near the hostility that Alex had explained earlier. Perhaps letting them duke it out had been the proper course of action, but with all the implants and augmentations that the commander had installed into her body, it could have ended in tragedy. Of course by the looks of it, Kaidan's biotic abilities hadn't faded or lessened in the least. Quite the opposite.

"I am glad that you took the time to visit, Kaidan." Chakwas gave him a fleeting smile that reminded him of days gone by and time spent in the darkened Med Bay of the SR1 under her attentions as his L2 migraines came and went.

Kaidan stifled a faint frown at the sight of the Cerberus emblem on the arm of her uniform, having seen it posted about the ship, on the crew's uniforms and even on Joker's uniform when the pilot could be bothered to turn his attention away from the control console. As much as Alex insisted her work with them was nothing to be concerned about and more or less finished, he couldn't help but wonder if she was still missing something important. But there was no sense in bringing that up when they had just started mending fences.

"Doc," Alex turned Chakwas' attention from him smoothly and gestured about the Med Bay. "Are we all stocked up to leave Omega tonight?"

"Of course. You think I would let my Bay empty out when your entire team seems to depend on me so much?" Chakwas sniffed in feigned affront. "I'm ready to go here. Even Gardener took the opportunity to do a little restocking in the market district."

"God save us all," she mumbled, then straightened as Chakwas arched an eyebrow in inquiry. "Nothing. Kaidan, all patched up?"

It had been comforting to see the dynamics of the crew hadn't changed. For as questionable as Shepard's actions had become recently, she still had the same positive attitude when dealing with her crew. Her troubles seemed primarily in her own mind, but that was enough to effect everybody else even if she didn't know or notice it. "Yeah. Yeah, I'm good." Sliding off the edge of the bed and to his feet, he gave Chakwas a quick smile. "It was good to see you."

"It's always good to see my crew," Chakwas responded and smiled, letting them go without much else in the way of admonishment or fussing. For that at least, Alex was thankful and led Kaidan out into the nearly empty eating area, the tables sporting a scattering of people that were in no way familiar to him. They all seemed to regard Shepard with a fair amount of respectful awe though. He could remember the days when it was no different to him; she had already been a bit of a legend when he'd first seen her on the bridge of the SR1. But according to what Kelly and Joker had told him, she had made sure they had been rescued and made it safely to the ship even in the midst of their attack on the Collector Base. It was difficult for him to understand the duality of her personality; willing to risk so much for those that depended on her, but able to coolly remove any obstacle to her success without batting an eye.

They had found an empty table and were just sitting when her omnitool let out an alert. Sighing, she opened the communication program and blinked when Kelly's face swam into view. "Sorry to interrupt Commander, but you have an incoming transmission from the Illusive Man." Alex stole a look a look at Kaidan as his posture went instantly tense and his expression turned sour.

"I'll be there in a moment." Standing, she closed the omnitool application and frowned down at him. "I know you don't approve, so don't bother saying anything. This should only take a few minutes, why don't you grab something to eat and refuel." Spine straight, she turned and stalked away from the table and toward the elevator, though he couldn't say for sure whether it was him or the Illusive Man that had set her off.

He was still wondering about it when another familiar face took a seat across from him with a pleased smile.

"Liara? What are you doing in Omega?"

"I wanted to stop by and see how things were going." The asari gave him a slow, measuring look and frowned. "From the way you look though, it doesn't seem promising."

"No, we..." Kaidan struggled for the right words for a moment before lifting his shoulders in a light shrug. "We're okay. I think."

"Did you know that krogans often solve matters over blows as well? Though I know that's probably not a very big surprise. Humans are an interesting species, I don't think I'll truly understand you as well as I would like to." Liara tended her fingers before her and smiled faintly. "Shepard did some impressive work on Tuchanka, actually. Argued with a krogan in their way, and came away still standing."

"That's... not really surprising. But what are you really doing here, don't you have a whole information broker business in Illium?"

"I told you Kaidan, I don't make it to my offices in Illium much these days. While I do have a base of operations, I tend to travel a little." Smiling faintly, she reached out to lay a hand gently on his forearm. "While I know that things between us may always be a little uncertain, I want to thank you regardless. Tali says that Shepard is acting a little more herself. I was worried that she would drive herself someplace she couldn't return from."

"You knew what she was going through, didn't you?"

"There isn't much that I don't know of these days, but there was nothing I could do. It occasionally happens to individuals who submit to transhumanism, or in her case go right to the edge. They begin to question their humanity, their purpose and often times find that they have lost who they are to the purpose they have assigned to themselves. If I had tried to explain that to you... I don't believe you would have understood. And at the moment, I was still upset that I couldn't help her but you might." Sighing, she looked around the interior slowly. "Shepard risks herself all the time and in ways that we can't always understand or anticipate. All we can do is be there for her."

"And I wasn't, I know." Bristling at the implications left unsaid, he shook her hand off and frowned.

"That's not what I meant. You have your own path now, but ours still run parallel to hers." Nonplussed, she linked her fingers together before her and smiled. "I'm certain that they'll intersect again though. The galaxy is surprisingly small sometimes. But that's not the only reason I came here. Shepard asked me to arrange some transportation for you to get back to the Citadel. With my contacts, I was able to find a ship leaving tonight."

"Tonight?" Kaidan shifted and cast his look upward. Through the bulkheads and layers of metal and composite that made up the interior of the ship, Shepard was above him somewhere and talking to Cerberus. The secrecy bothered him even if she did find it a necessity. Logically, he could understand why she would want to keep that part of life separate, but that did nothing to sooth him. He'd hoped for more time than just a few hours...

"The _Normandy_ leaves before your flight, so I thought you would appreciate getting back to the Citadel to report back without having to wait any longer." Standing, Liara fished out a small pad and gave it to him without much flourish. "There's your itinerary, complete with boarding information. It's an upper class ship for the Terminus, so you shouldn't have much trouble on board. It was nice seeing you on better terms, Kaidan."

"It was nice to see you again, Liara. Stay out of trouble."

The smile she gave him was confident and sly, and with a quick wave of her fingers the asari vanished around the wall separating the cafeteria from the main hallway and vanished. It left him with a little more time to kill, and finding that the _Normandy _ was free for him to explore, he did just that.

There were a few brushes with her new crew that invoked a variety of reactions from him. After a fair amount of wandering, he was convinced that no matter how the SR1's crew had seem varied, it was nothing compared to the people wandering about the SR2 in preparation of leaving. For a Cerberus ship, it catered to a highly varied crew of alien species; Garrus and Tali represented their own races respectively, but addition to their familiar presence was a young, brash krogan, a matronly-looking asari in a set of soft armor with a plunging neckline, and a quiet drell that had startled him with his silent approach. The largest shock had been the honest-to-god geth that had scared him half to death on its way into the Med Bay. Seeing a geth up close and personal without having to worry about it shooting him had been a quick and fascinating experience, as was the damaged plate of N7 armor fixed to its chest.

"There you are." Shepard's voice drew him back around and he wasn't entirely surprised to see a look of frustration on her sharp features. The tone she'd used whenever he had brought up Cerberus had been tolerant at best and it seemed the relationship between her and her mysterious benefactor remained tense. Taking a moment to push down the irritation, she cleared her throat and glanced around the hallway.

"Everything okay?"

"Nothing is really ever 'okay', but no. Not really." Jaw clenched against a sudden surge of temper, Alex shifted and leaned against the wall of the hallway, heedless of the few people who skirted around them on their way to their respective duties. "It's nothing for you to be concerned about, just a few issues that need hammering out. I'm juggling a little bit these days, but it's nothing like a few months ago."

"That never changes, Alliance or not." Kaidan leaned in closer as another person passed by, finally relenting to his desire to relax and settling in against the wall near her. The smile that she gave him was warm though brief.

"I still maintain a good, old fashion conflict of interest along with everything else. If I can get us out of here tonight, I should be able to get Admiral Hackett's favor out of the way and start moving onto the next phase of planning for the invasion." As serious as always, she didn't bat an eye and he wondered what other people might think to see her this way. So serious and organized about something that most considered a conspiracy theory or a laughable doomsday ideal. "In any case, did you have a good look around?"

"Yeah, I did. You have a geth."

"That's Legion," she chuckled. "It was different learning to trust him after everything we went through hunting Saren, but there are factions of geth just like there are factions of humans. Well, two factions of geth anyway. It doesn't mean you can trust any geth unconditionally, but Legion is an exception to the rule of shoot-on-sight." Guiding him back down the hallway and to the elevator, she smiled lightly as the doors hissed shut and sealed them in. "Life has been different outside the Alliance."

"I can only imagine." And that was true enough. He never could see himself doing all the things that Shepard had done and accomplished in her life; bad or good. Like always, she seemed able to change her shape to fit what necessity demanded. The one good thing that could be said about humans was that they were incredibly adaptable, and she seemed able to personify that without much stumbling.

Silence stretched on for a few moments longer in the confined space and Alex cleared her throat almost self consciously. "It has its up and its downs. A lot like working for the Alliance, really. You tend to be more... self contained. You can only really rely on yourself and your crew." Mercifully, the doors slid open and he was saved from attempting to continue that line of conversation as they moved toward the CIC. The area was practically buzzing with activity as crewmembers manned their stations and worked through checks and rechecks of _Normandy's_ systems and repairs, ensuring they were already for one more run, where ever it might take them.

"You're leaving then?" Kaidan asked slowly, already knowing the answer in the eager flicker across her expression. Nothing suited her more than action sometimes.

"We're ready." Alex looked around, luminous eyes finally coming back to him. "For anything. Anyone. Sitting here on Omega has been strange in a lot of ways and we're all ready to get back into action. We needed some down time, but that time has passed. You know the feeling, I'm sure."

"Yeah, I know." Though truth be told, he hadn't that particular itch in a long time. Everything that he'd done shortly after she had "died" had been more mechanical than anything else, done out of an automatic sense of duty he didn't feel quite as deeply anymore, even leading up to Horizon. It hadn't felt quite so real until lately, like he had finally regained his equilibrium. "I'm glad I got to see you again."

Alex blinked quickly, somewhat taken off guard by his words though she smiled readily enough and walked him to the bridge. If their shoulders brushed accidentally as they traversed the long walkway, he pretended not to notice just as well as she did. Both of them understanding a quick goodbye would be the best course of action, he shouted a farewell to Joker and was out the door and halfway down the ramp before she called after him.

"I'll see you around, Kaidan." The tone was slightly wistful and he looked back to find her leaning casually in the door frame, surrounded by the interior glow in a way that made her eyes stand out in the blunt shadows like stars.

"Don't wait too long." Hoping that she wouldn't, he gave her a final wave and walked back through the docks, leaving Shepard and the _Normandy_ behind him. He had some time to get back to the room he had rented in Omega and gather his things before catching his own flight out and back to civilized space.

By the time he made it to the docking ring of Omega, the _Normandy _had been moved out of dry dock and was hanging amidst the old transports and battered ships, a slip of high modern technology in the ambient light of the station. It looked wonderful sitting out there, and he gave himself a few moments to lean against the viewing windows and watch as the ship executed a slow, graceful turn that angled it back into the depths of space. The _Normandy_ had always seemed like it fit in amongst the graceful ships of the Citadel whenever they had docked there, but here in Terminus space, surrounded by the broken and falling apart, the old and battered, it looked sleek and predatory.

Accelerating smoothly, the _Normandy_ vanished from view in the space between seconds and he let himself stare into the darkness for a moment longer before completing the uneventful trip to the ship he'd been booked on. And from there, the smooth journey back to the Citadel.

**AN: I lied. One more chapter to go. There was too abrupt a break between the last one and the next one, so here's a short chapter to try and tie it all together.**


	10. Chapter 10

CITADEL

WIDOW SYSTEM

The Citadel News Network had been playing the feeds relentlessly for what seemed like weeks, even though it had only been a few days since the event had happened; the entire Bahak System wiped out when its Mass Relay had been destroyed. At first, everybody was willing to believe it had been an unavoidable tragedy, a rogue asteroid on path with a dangerous trajectory. The event had wiped out hundreds of thousands of lives, primarily batarian, and put the rest of the galaxy on high alert. Kneejerk reaction caused settlements nearest the Mass Relays to launch mobile gunships to guard against any more stray asteroids or moons. The Council had been working overtime to soothe a galaxy worth of frayed nerves and keep the panic to a minimum.

And then something had changed on the news that morning, more evidence uncovered that showed the impact had not been an accident but a guided strike meant to take the Relay out, though it had remained largely uncertain if the perpetrators of the act would know how widespread the damage would be. The batarian Hegemony was chomping at the bit for action, for a return strike. For anything.

Further information had leaked after that, revealing that some higher administrator knew what was going on but had no intention of letting the public know, so when the audio clips were leaked it didn't take long to identify the voice as Shepard's.

"_Alert: All colonists living in the Bahak System, this is-"_

Then silence. And not even an hour after the audio time stamps; utter destruction.

Kaidan didn't bother with what the information had wrought on the public, he'd kept to himself to try and struggle through the shock and yes, the betrayal. Had she been lying? Did this have something to do with that transmission she had taken from Cerberus? Admiral Hackett would never have asked for anything that could have led to the destruction of an entire system. He wanted badly to trust Shepard, but this was too monumental to grasp. An entire system destroyed and the woman he loved at the center of the controversy.

Dazed, he pushed away from the balcony of the Presidium and began the short trek to the transportation platform. No doubt Council Anderson would be up to his neck in politics, complaints, a bombardment of information and demands all wanting to be met, but he still felt a need to try and wriggle his way through the bureaucracy for a chance to ask Anderson if she could really have committed such an atrocity.

Kaidan climbed into a taxi to find it already in use; a well muscle individual in clean cut civilian clothing comprised primarily of black and white. "Excuse me," he murmured, and went to open the door only to find the other man had locked them.

"No problem. We're going to the same place." Flashing very white teeth in a quick smile, the man catapulted the car into motion and Kaidan was left hanging on to the 'oh shit' strap as they moved smoothly through traffic. "I've been looking for you, Commander Alenko. I've got a message-"

"I've been getting plenty of messages lately." Kaidan snapped, finally wrangling the seatbelt into place. The dark skinned man piloting the taxi smoothly through Citadel traffic had the air of a soldier about him, and Kaidan pegged him as a former front-liner, probably moved into a position as somebody's aide. Somebody else looking for connections to Shepard through her old comrades and friends since the Bahak scandal had been blown wide open.

"None like this." Squeezing between a pair of lumbering transports, the stranger whipped the car down a turn and headed for the more industrial dock area. "Just relax, Commander. We're almost there."

They'd turned entirely away from the Embassy Ward, but Kaidan couldn't even seem to find it in him to care. Maybe it was for the best that he was being led away from that particular temptation, but he was also suddenly aware that this man wasn't just another soldier. Another aide. "Who are you?"

"You can call me Taylor. Prior Alliance Marine, currently part of a group working for the greater good." Giving him a quick glance from the corner of an eye, Taylor offered another of those quick smiles. "But at the moment, I'm an agent for the Shadow Broker."

"What does the Shadow Broker want with me?" Nobody could ever be certain where the Broker's interests sat. Through the course of his career, Kaidan had been party to numerous brushes with the Broker's agents. Always more of a hindrance than a help, the Broker had his or her own agenda that had remained as much a mystery as their identity.

"Hey, I'm just a delivery boy." Taylor laughed, not as insulted as the title might imply. Slipping through the docking areas, he moved them between transports and dry docked ships before slowing the vehicle entirely and bringing it to a smooth halt. Locking it into standby, Taylor fished into the backseat under Kaidan's wary eye and pulled out a pair of datapads. "Do not activate these in public. It is absolutely vital that you're alone. Read the top pad first, it'll have instructions for you."

"This is a pretty rotten trap." Kaidan eyed the pads and gave a shake of his head. "Instruct me to go somewhere where I'm alone, to wait until I'm a private area before setting off some sort of low energy blast and I'm the only one killed?"

Taylor laughed in response. "I told them you'd be suspicious with all this cloak and dagger stuff. Believe me, the Broker is entirely on your side. You'll be amazed when you finally put it all together, but you've been in the Shadow Broker's physical presence. The group I work with, we're working toward a common goal with you and the rest of the Alliance." Expression going completely serious, he held the pads out once more though Kaidan still refused to take them. "We're all working to stop the Reapers."

Eyes narrowed, Kaidan stared hard at Taylor and the man only returned the look. Slowly, the biotic reached out and took the pads from him, tucking them into the jacket of his uniform for later. "Let's say I believe you-"

"You believe me. Or you wouldn't have taken the pads." Taylor fired the vehicle's engines back into action and pulled through the docking area and back into Citadel's heavy traffic areas, swinging it through and around the Presidium and into the other districts in no apparent route. "Not enough people believe the threat, but they will. It'll be too late by then though."

"Why send these to me? Why not to Council Anderson?"

"I told you, Commander. I'm just the delivery boy." Taylor remained stubbornly quiet the remainder of the journey, deflecting Kaidan's few questions with ease. When he finally pulled the vehicle into a halt, it was at the taxi pads in the section of the Citadel where Kaidan held housing. His only response to the suspicious look was another quick smile. "I've been watching you. Waiting for the best opportunity to approach you. Don't be so surprised."

"Who do you really work for?" Kaidan climbed out and held the door while Taylor checked the instruments idly.

"You'll see." Leaving it at that, Taylor swung the door out of Kaidan's grip and let gravity and motion snap it closed as he rocketed back into Citadel traffic. Kaidan watched the taxi until he lost sight of the nondescript car amongst the traffic. Glancing down at the pads in his hand, he huffed out a sigh and trudged down the hallway to his apartment.

Locking the door behind him, Kaidan moved into the spartan depth of his apartment, leaving the datapads on the counter while he fixed a drink. It had been a long, hard day and was now compounded by an edge of mystery he just didn't have the heart for. But the Shadow Broker? It was interesting twist, that was undeniable. While most people seemed to discount any information that the Broker put out, the Citadel Council tended to accept a great deal of the Broker's information because it always largely unbiased. If the Broker had information on the Reapers that they were parting with, it was worth looking into at least.

Drink in hand, he returned to the pad and keyed up the top one. The screen came to life beneath his hand; exuding a soft blue glow interrupted by a brief band of light that flashed across his face as he held it up to view. Cursing as he went momentarily blind, he slapped the pad back onto the counter.

==Biometrics confirmed: Kaidan Alenko.==

"Hello Kaidan."

He froze at the sound of her voice. Shepard's voice, coming to him as clearly as if she were standing in the same room. Spotty vision clearing, he set his drink down and snatched up the pad. Sure enough, it was her; looking ragged around the edges with a new weariness he hadn't seen in her even on Omega. He ached to respond, to air the doubts that were plaguing him, but it was just a recording. A recording delivered to him by the ever mysterious Shadow Broker.

"I'm sorry, but you already know I won't be coming back to the Citadel anytime soon. Things have gotten complicated," Shepard sighed and the screen went momentarily to static. "It was supposed to be a simple mission, but you can't imagine how badly it all went down. I can't tell you everything that happened in Bahak because it's all a little too... unbelievable. I'll let the included data speak for itself."

Kaidan pulled a stool out at the counter, slumping into it with the datapad in one hand as the message continued.

"I had no choice but to destroy the Relay. The Reapers have more than one way to get to us all, and the mission I was sent to complete had been compromised from the start. Nobody knew. Reaper Indoctrination is a real threat at this point, and there is no telling who might be under their control. It goes a lot deeper than Saren. It gets more subtle." She scrubbed a hand across her face, looking infinitely weary for a split second before returning her glance back to the recorder. "Destroy Bahak, or let the Reapers in. I wouldn't do it any differently, Kaidan. The war is here. Now. We can't see it yet, but it _has_ started."

Static swallowed the picture again, an interference on a scale he couldn't begin to imagine, though when the picture came back it was clear and sharp, as was the look in her eyes. "The hard decisions I've made and the ones to come are exactly what I've been afraid of. But I understand what I have to become to ensure victory. I'm sorry Kaidan, but I can't be the person that I wanted to be. That you wanted me to be. From here on out, I can only be the person that I have to be."

"Listen to me, because this message will only play once. The data that's on the second pad that was delivered deals with everything that happened in Bahak. The team there uncovered a Reaper artifact, Object Rho, that indoctrinated them quick and deep. There are some captured images from my greybox, but it's all a little fuzzy... I didn't have EDI edit anything out, so for now it's for your eyes, and Anderson's eyes only. Don't make me regret sending all of it to you." For a long moment, she kept staring into the recorder. The silence became uneasy after a few heartbeats before she finally seemed inclined to speak again, jaw flexing and eyes falling. "For what it's worth, I'm sorry. Don't come looking for me, you won't find me. And for god's sake, _do not_ go back to Omega. Cerberus is up to something big... I don't know what, but don't get involved with them. Not like me." Shepard sighed, shaking her head. "Goodbye Kaidan, and good luck. It's up to you now."

The video went dark then, the datapad belching out a sudden burst of energy that wiped whatever data had been stored there by simple means of destruction. Knowing the resources she had on hand, he was certain without a doubt that it would be useless to attempt to recover it. Still left with more questions than answers, Kaidan tipped the dead pad into the trash bin near the counter with a rueful shake of his head. But she had been honest in a small way at least and the second pad contained a wealth of additional information, gleaned from the cores and computers of the indoctrinated team's systems before they went under Reaper influence, as well as her own greyboxed recordings of what had happened that world-changing day in Bahak.

Kaidan hoped it would be enough for Anderson, because it simply fell short of being enough for him.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o

MONTHS LATER

ORBITING HAGALAZ

"Commander Shepard," Kelly broke the silence of Shepard's retreat into her "loft" by way of the intercom, her voice a tad worried. A little strained. They'd all been on edge since Bahak and Shepard had retreated to the dubious shelter of Hagalaz between forays out into different systems, using the same tactics that Liara continued to use to avoid detection. "You have a message on your terminal. It's urgent."

"They're always urgent these days." And that was true enough. Somehow, there were more and more people able to access her message system lately and her terminal was constantly overflowing with all sorts of message. Demands for interviews by varied media outlets, death threats from batarian citizens, letters of support from countless others who saw the batarians as a plague to be wiped out, but precious few that actually mattered these days.

"This one is from Admiral Hackett."

Alex knew what that meant without even having to open the message, but she still wandered to the terminal and fired it up, wading past the onslaught of new messages that Kelly had earmarked for deletion and pulling up the one from Hackett with a feeling of sick anticipation. Only two words long, it's meaning was impeccably clear.

_It's time. _

Time to come back. He'd told her that the call would eventually come, facing one another in the aftermath of Bahak and both wishing that things had turned out far differently. No way to change the past, but he had stood beside her and told he would keep her out of this until he sent the word. Then it would be on her; keep running and risk everything, or go back to Earth and face the music. Even knowing that it would be coming made it no easier.

"Kelly. I want my team in the conference room in five minutes, no excuses. This is an urgent meeting and everybody will be in attendance. Send a message to the Broker's ship, I want Liara in on this too."

"Yes, Commander."

It was time... and she didn't feel ready enough.

A few members of her team were already in the conference room by the time she made it down and it didn't take long for the remainder to show, filing in around the table without much fuss. Standing at the head, she took a long moment to simply watch them. Their interactions had smoothed down and while there was the occasional bit of friction between them, it was nothing like the bouts of outward hostility that had occurred when they had all first started to learn to live together. Even Liara, her image flickering in the corner via the holographic connection, conversed with some of the nearest crewmembers with an ease that gave Alex hope that they might all still pull this off.

"Today, we have to make some changes." All eyes and optics turned to her as she began, her team falling silent in the space of seconds and turning their full attention to her. The last time she'd brought them all together had been on the surface of the Collector Base, and the news then hadn't been the best. Somehow, they'd all pulled through. "I've been called back to Earth, and I'm going."

"That's bullshit!" Jack slammed a fist against the conference table, her voice the loudest at summing up the disagreement that worked its way through the room in a dozen other voices. Nobody was happy with her decision, but it was the right one, and she had made precious little of those lately.

"I can't stay. If I do, they'll send everything out after the _Normandy_. I made Admiral Hackett a deal, and it's one I intend to stand by. He gave us some breathing room to pull it all together, now I have to repay him by being there for this damn committee. The Council isn't involved in this yet, it's just the Alliance board. But the fact remains that I can't run from this."

More disagreement, though it was dimmer now as they considered their options. They couldn't evade the Alliance if they were being actively sought out; something would eventually give. If it all went up in a heroic ball of fire their efforts would amount to nothing.

"That's why I'm counting on all of you now." Shepard made sure to meet each pair of eyes in turn as she scanned the room, letting them see the very real trust that she was placing in them. "We all have a duty to make sure that what we've done adds up to something. My crew, my friends, it's up to you. Liara is arranging transportation as we speak, so you will all have a way out to where you need to go, but I'm asking that you don't just bury yourselves back into the world. We've worked hard and we've suffered so the Reapers won't win.

"You all have your own skills, your own abilities. Put them to good use in ensuring that we might have time to warn people and make it out alive. I'm not going to outline what needs to be done, you're all smart enough and capable enough to figure that out on your own, and the less I know, the less I can talk about when the Alliance starts asking questions. It's safe to say I won't be coming back from this anytime soon. What I did could be considered a war crime, and they're not going to let me walk back out the front doors. This could take years to resolve, and we don't have that much time."

"My estimates say we have six months at the very longest before the Reapers are here," Liara said. All eyes turned to the holograph in the corner and she shook her head at the bad news. "Realistically, I anticipate we have half that."

"So don't any of you get lazy on me," Shepard sighed. Pushing her shoulders back, she offered an encouraging smile. "I know you can all do this. Prepare for what we can anticipate so this fight isn't lost right out the gate. Joker will be coming back to Earth with me, and that's not only his decision, but a necessity. None of you get to make that choice. I'm counting on you to be elsewhere. Go back to your homeworlds, capitals, anywhere else where you can accomplish something."

Giving them a moment to let the information sink in, Shepard signaled Liara and the asari began releasing shuttles from the Broker's massive ship to dock in with the _Normandy_. It might take some fighting and some time, but she fully intended to get each crew member off the ship. Joker and EDI could handle the short hop from Hagalaz to Earth, they'd insisted it was well within their power. Letting anybody else take the fall for her own mistakes wasn't something she was prepared to do, and each crew member on this ship would be considered a Cerberus sympathizer at best if they remained with her.

"Everybody get to packing, your rides to the Broker Ship are on their way, and from there you can make arrangements to go wherever you want to go." Shepard turned, headed to the door and looked back at the gathered crew, giving them a smile. "Make me proud."

"Hey Shepard. Give them hell."

Letting the door close behind her, she make a quick pathway to the "loft" and sank into the chair in front of her terminal, typing up a series of letters that she would make sure found their way to her crew over the course of her imprisonment. There was no point in mincing words when that was the reality that awaited her. While it might eventually change into something more hospitable, she was under no illusion that she wouldn't spend some time in a cage.

When the loft door slid open to reveal Garrus and Tali outlined by its hard angles, she offered them a smile and invited them in. Of all her crew, she knew they wouldn't be satisfied on leaving without a proper goodbye.

"Are you sure about this Shepard?" Garrus eyeballed her from where he stood near the empty fishtank, arms folded over his armor and jaw tight.

"I get less and less sure with each passing moment, but what are my options? I've looked at what I can do, considered different angles and approaches and even had EDI wargame it for me, but this is the best of what we can hope for as a solution. If I turn myself in as a show of goodwill, I have better chances than if I run." Offering a smile to the two friends who had stuck by her through thick and thin, she shrugged. "And if I decided to run, you would all come with me. I need more than that from you."

They both studied her a moment, turning to cast each other appraising glances before Garrus finally nodded and let out the turian approximation of a sigh. "If you're sure this is the right thing to do, we'll stand by you. I'm going back to Palaven to see what I can't push on there."

"And I'm going back to the Fleet," Tali piped up with as much mixed certainty and apprehension as any one person could muster. "We've decided we can try to rally our people, as impossible as they might be. But if nothing else, we have a solid base where we can prepare from."

Standing, Alex moved to each and drew them into a quick hug. "Do what you can, but don't alienate yourselves like I did. And most importantly, don't wait for me."

Garrus laughed, a hand landing heavily on her shoulder as she released them both from the quick embrace. "Shepard, you're a hell of a Commander. We all know this won't keep you down for long."

"I wish I shared your conviction. Thank you Garrus, Tali." They left as unobtrusively as they had come, leaving her alone in her cabin with her thoughts. They invariably turned to the man framed on her desk. She had done her best to avoid contacting Kaidan again, letting herself slip only far enough to send him the data and nothing else. Distancing herself from the Alliance after Bahak, and from Kaidan in particular, had taken willpower. They had been so close to finding solid ground once more... Finding no solace in the overwhelming quiet of her empty cabin, she made her way back to the CIC to oversee the rest of the crew's departure.

Most left quietly, with a few words of encouragement thrown in to make the parting less painful, less permanent. With some of the others, the goodbye was more boisterous and Grunt in particular made sure she wouldn't forget him; nearly breaking her shoulder with his enthusiastic goodbye. There was enough cursing between Jack and Zaeed's farewells to keep her going for months, but it all amounted to an empty ship and intrusive silence when the last shuttle left.

In the end, it was her and Joker at the helm, watching Hagalaz drift into the distance as they angled toward the Osun system and the Relay within.

"Well Commander, any bright ideas?"

"None." Shepard sighed and parked herself in the co-pilot seat, much to Joker's amusement if the wide grin that flickered across his face was anything to go by. "Make sure you stick to the _Normandy_ when we get to Earth, I don't want them taking my ship."

==Don't worry, Commander Shepard. We have a few ideas already in place to ensure the ship remains in our control, and therefore yours.==

"Leave it to us. Just... stay sharp, alright?" Turning away from her, Joker launched the near empty ship into FTL and toward the Relay. Beyond that was Luna Base... and whatever fate the Alliance Board had planned for her.

True to word, the trip was a short one, made shorter by the crawling feeling of dread. All she'd worked for was streaming away from her like the stars arching up and away as they moved through space. The effort she'd made in keeping the Reapers at bay for one more day was going to come to a grinding halt and she was doing it all voluntarily.

"You look like you're having second thoughts."

"Try fifth thoughts. Or sixth. Damnit, this is... they're going to ruin everything," she growled and stood, pacing as they sped through Sol on course for Luna Base.

"Hey Commander, we're going to make it through his. Sovereign couldn't stop us. Collectors couldn't stop us. The Alliance won't stop us either, you'll see." At that, Joker was forced to turn his attention toward the console and the sudden back and forth of radio traffic as Luna plotted their incoming course and cleared them for landing.

"I hope you're right." Pulling herself back to her feet, she clapped a hand gently to his shoulder and gave him a firm shake. "Stay safe, Joker."

"You too, Commander. Stay sane."

"I'll do my best." Already anticipating the image she wanted to make, Shepard pulled on the N7 armor she'd requisitioned through Liara specifically for this appearance; wanting to present herself as a cooperative member of the Alliance to the furthest degree she could manage. Leaving everything aboard the ship, she stood ready at the shuttle bay when they landed. Pulling herself together to the tune of re-pressurization outside the thick hull, Shepard paced the distance of the bay until the _Normandy_ yawning open to reveal Anderson himself waiting for her approach with a small group of armored marines.

"Shepard."

"Councilor Anderson. This is a surprise."

"It's Admiral Anderson these days, Shepard. The Council was never the right place for me. I'm a soldier, not a politician." He looked sharp in the formal uniform, pressed and polished and waiting for her. The added touch of a friendly face would have been almost comforting, but she knew it served a double purpose in making sure she didn't lash out at her escort should her doubts overwhelm her. Sighing inwardly, Shepard marched smoothly down the ramp and stopped in front of Anderson, exchanging a quick once over as she ignored his entourage of guards.

"Afraid I would act out?" Alex allowed herself a faint smile. Anderson did the same, though his faded almost instantly into a flat look as he gestured to one of the flanking soldiers. Dour and faceless behind the helmet of his armor, the soldier approached with a set of cuffs in hand and Alex tamped down on the sudden burst of frustration.

"Procedure." Anderson murmured by way of explanation and Alex nodded in response, holding her wrists out. The cuffs snapped shut over her armor with an audible noise that made her flinch in response. Expression dark, Anderson gestured the soldier back into place with his others and they turned to make their way into Luna Base proper. Taking one last look back at her ship, she nodded faintly to herself and turned to walk in step with Anderson as they marched at the front of the small procession.

Beyond the spaceport and the lights, the Earth glimmered in the distance. Impossibly round and bright, it was her first look at the planet she'd never before visited. A home to her people, and she felt almost no sense of attachment to it. Her mother had been to Earth several times over the course of career and visited friends in Vancouver often, but her daughter had never followed that particular route.

Anderson found her gaze out of the corner of an eye, turning his head to follow the look she cast on the planet in the distance. The view disappeared as the spaceport closed in behind them, hangar doors grinding shut and closing them in to metal and stone once more. "I'm sorry your first visit to Earth couldn't be under better circumstances, but I don't think things will be quite as terrible as you imagine."

"I have a good imagination." Their steps echoed in the long halls of Luna until they passed through a heavy set of doors that joined the docking bays to the remainder of the base. Systems Alliance personnel moved through the halls on their own schedules and it reminded her of Arcturus Station in it's own way. She'd been to Luna years ago to solve a problem with a rogue AI, but Arcturas was the closest to Sol she had stayed for any extended period of time. "So if you're Admiral now, who's back on the Citadel leading humanity in the Council?" The tone of her voice made the question void; she was already fairly certain who.

"Council Udina is doing a good job."

"God, Udina..." Shepard let out a low breath. "It's a shame humanity didn't get a seat on the council earlier. Maybe he'd have gone down with the _Destiny Ascension_ like the rest of them."

"Shepard!" Anderson hissed, appalled at the dark tone and darker comment. Giving the escort the signal to clear out, he angled her away from the main throughway and into a small, empty room with its own short hallway. There was a bench set against a wall and he pushed her onto it unceremoniously.

"Shit. I'm sorry, Anderson." Alex hung her head, lifting her hands to massage at her temples and sigh. "I've got a lot of rage right now and no way to deal with it."

"Well you can just sit there for a minute and prove to me that you're still a trustworthy person," he said, giving her a dark look and holding a hand off to head off whatever complaints of unfairness she could think to voice. "Sit there and behave."

He strode down the short hallway without another word, leaving her feeling angry, sullen, and about two feet tall, her sense of shame momentarily overriding her self righteous anger. It hadn't been long when he returned with another soldier, and if he wasn't the biggest marine Shepard had ever seen, he was damn close. Even from her seat on the bench, she could tell he was head and shoulders taller than her, sporting bold tattooing on throat and arms with a skirting-the-regs crest of dark hair angled into a mohawk. At the sight of her, the man pulled up short and stared for a good moment. "Commander Shepard?"

"Shepard, this is Lieutenant Vega. He'll be your liaison and guide on Earth."

"You mean my guard-dog." Giving the massive marine another once over, she turned her sharp gaze to Anderson and arched an eyebrow. "All that muscle just to handle little old me?"

Sighing, Anderson handed the Lieutenant a datapad and explained the pertinent information; when to take her to boarding, what ship they would be going to Earth aboard, where to report when they made it. During the instructions, Shepard kept one ear open but amused herself by toying with the cuffs, which Anderson had made clear needed to stay on until they checked in at Vancouver. Eventually the instructions came to an end and Anderson stepped back to give the pair of them an unreadable look.

"Play nice."

"Don't worry Admiral." Vega saluted sharply, still slightly overcome by the surprise of his new duty.

Anderson returned the salute but angled himself to give Shepard a dry look and a shake of his head. "I wasn't talking to you, Vega. Shepard, just watch yourself. I'm on your side, but I can't say that about everybody."

"Yes, sir." Giving him a half-hearted and awkward salute with the length of chain linking her wrists together, Alex glanced back around the small room and shrugged. "I guess I'll see you planet-side." Anderson nodded once and moved to the door, stopping to give her one last parting remark that she could have done well enough without.

"Welcome back, Shepard."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: And thus ends this foray into the world of writing. I always enjoy it, but sometimes I forget how much of a challenge it can be. There was more that I wanted to get across in this story, and most of it in a different way, but I wasn't certain how. Lacking the experience and discipline to really pull this together the way I wanted, I still hope it turned out as an enjoyable read without a lot to nitpick about. I hope you all enjoyed the adventure because I enjoyed writing it. You'll probably see more of Alex Shepard in the future; the ME universe still has so much left to explore. <strong>


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